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- Adele Anderson, your destiny life coach

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Possibility creates worry and anxiety?

Possibility can be GREAT or not so great.

Maybe not what you considered, but “possibility” simply is something that could or could not happen. And that makes possibility the unknown.

When life choices fall into the unknown, they may create worry and worry creates anxiety.

Part of the problem lay in the many choices we face. And you say well choice is good right? And I say for sure. But think of it this way.

Many find making a decision difficult. And the more times it is difficult makes the next decision possibly difficult?

Why? It’s like training the dog.

we repeat repeat repeat and then the doggie gets it. And we reward them. But in mind science we often don’t consider training.

We train for a marathon. But do we often train our mind for the bigger marathon of life!

Train for decision making?

And when we don’t we feel shaky. As in nervous, shakin’ in our boots shaky. Why because having a difficult time choosing puts our mind in limbo. And we don’t do “limbo” well. It stand in the class of not being in control, or even perceived control.

Psychology states we must at least have the semblance of control, even if it perceived. (meaning not necessarily true). So even the attempt at decisions making makes us feel better.

And the facts are, making a choice typically doesn’t have to be fatal. (unless up the creek without a paddle) Or skydiving without a para-shoot.

Turns out making any decision is better; for our mind; than making no decision at all.

Three things happen.

  1. Decisions are goal setters. Gives us purpose and intention. Maybe the move doesn’t take us exactly where we want to go. Doesn’t mean we won’t come to a cross-road. There we change course, by making another choice.
    1. But we learned where that road lead. So it was helpful even though it wasn’t the best choice.
    2. Our minds felt more in control of our situation.
  2. If you look at the pic. It shows possibilities. That’s a lot for our minds to think about. So much information to gather on each possibility. The energy expended when we fail to make a decision is mind boggling. It creates stress! The result in loss of clarity, inefficient and stuck.
  3. The mind becomes trained. To make decisions and choice, rather than stagnate. A decisive mind holds less worry, anxiety and stress.

Start small

Small and unquestionable stuff. We begin with socks and underwear.

Socks. What socks are you going to put on today.

Underwear: What underwear are you going to put on.

Then we graduate: Lunch. Choose you lunch.

Each time a choice is made, your mind strengthens. So what’s next?

You choose. Today’s exercise, a weekend plan or laundry.

Like all “exercises, we build expertise. before long decisive decisions will feel natural and easy.

Stay well out there.

I’m here if you are wanting to fast track your training. I’m reachable below

xoxo Adele

Worrying interrupts happiness and changes nothing

The stats are that 97% of what we worry about NEVER HAPPENS.

Why do so many of us worry?

It can be mistaken as caring. The brain thinking worry is attached to feelings of caring. And neuroscience teaches us that we worry as a solution to the anxiety we feel!

Sounds strange but the act of worrying is “thinking”. Which turns out to be slightly productive in one sense but dysfunctional over all.

The problem is two-fold. But the basic reality is that the brain becomes misaligned.

  1. Because we think worrying and caring are the same. Our mind believes us. Forever linking caring and worry with the same emotional attachment. It then becomes natural to worry about everything we care about.
  2. Worrying is not a productive solution to the underlying anxiety that has resulted from an event or circumstance in our lives

Worrying and caring are not the same at all. In fact… They are completely different.

Caring: Kind, warm-hearted, tenderness


Worry: Anxiety, agonizes, fret, stew and torment one self.


Why is this important? Because it is not the solution for a deeper more serious underlying problem of anxiety. And worrying is negative physiology (stress) and it contributes to inner unhealthiness and an unhappy state of mind.

What is negative physiology? Our body’s chemical response to the emotions we engage in.

Why else is it important? When engaged in repeatedly, it can become an addictive cycle! Yup, you can become addicted to worrying. Again because of an internal mis-alignment of the brain.

How initially worrying as a solution creates a flush of dopamine that actually makes you feel good about being such a good worrier. But then the worrying becomes a habit. Dopamine no longer flushes. We no longer feel temporarily ok. We just drop into a habit of worrying. An ingrain unconscious response!

But the real truth is that its’ unhealthy and a huge waste of your beautiful day. And would be really really good for you… if it changed.

So how do we change? You need a little shift. A ripple effect that shifts attention from the worry pathway into a new productive and effective neuro-pathway.

How do we begin? Awareness! Notice when you engage in worry. Acknowledge what you are feeling. By identifying the emotion, a cool shift has happened. You have switched brains!

Where before you were “feeling” the emotion inside your Limbic Brain, Now your thinking about what your feeling.

You’ve moved beyond pattern emotional thinking and engages your neo-cortex. Simply and easily by asking yourself what you are really feeling. GO even further, after identify the feeling, write it down. Writing is a cognitive function, engaging your brain again in a positive action while removing attention from “feelings”.

And then, look for a positive alternative to your worry. Find the positive within. What you’ve learned. Experience and wisdom, growth and development. Adaptation and resilience. Being grateful for what is positive.

I am not suggesting ignoring what is, but make a conscious effort to overcome your tendency to worry.

Investing in Your life for Balance and Fullfillment

Investing In Your Life For Balance and Fulfillment

Author: Jane Sandwood

Life moves at breakneck speed, often leaving us feeling overwhelmed and defeated. We all have the power within ourselves to find balance in life and to live without regrets. These are a direct result of living life in a way that is out of balance and unfocused. Luckily, the desire for peace of mind and the notion of living a balanced life is becoming increasingly important, leading people to desire harmony between all the elements that form part of a fulfilling life.

By making an investment in certain aspects of life, our lives will be healthy, balanced and fruitful. There is no point in living a life with certain parts flourishing while others fade away. Intelligence is futile when your health is dwindling just as how there is no point to having a successful career if you can’t maintain positive interpersonal relationships. We need to do everything in our power to lead healthy, balanced lives in order to be truly happy and well-adjusted in our modern times.

Spiritual well-being

This part of your life is concerned with your values, the principles you choose to follow and your conscience. It also addresses how you comprehend the perception of a higher being. It is important to invest time in developing your spirituality and you can achieve this by meditating, engaging in activities that will spread your beliefs among others and assembling with like-minded people.

Our bodies

Our bodies are the vessels in which our souls reside and it is very important to keep them in good shape. Disease and injury can both ravage the body and cause death if not treated timeously. Both time and money should be invested in maintaining your body’s health and well-being and can be achieved by following a healthy diet and exercising regularly.

Our relationships

Relationships are a very important part of our lives and include all our bonds with friends, family members, colleagues and mentors. Relationships can either be physical, emotional or a combination of the two. It is important to invest time and money into your relationships as the people around you can be your rocks of support during trying times, consoling us and helping restore balance and joy to our lives. Our relationships are a part of our lives deserving our unrelenting, focused attention.

Our minds

Our minds are our seats of intelligence, with us governing it to produce ideas and thoughts. The modern world is advancing at a tremendous speed, necessitating us to learn new things and retain the information. It is of vital importance to invest in our minds to enrich them as much as possible.

Spend some time meditating, invest in a class or complete puzzles to make your brain fire faster. Engaging in these activities regularly will lead to an increase in mental capability and an overall better quality of life.
Each part of our lives is of importance and contributes to a holistically healthy and balanced lifestyle. If one part of our beings is neglected the others will not be able to thrive. If you do, however pay equal attention to all of them you will be able to live a perfectly balanced life.

Contributing writer
Jane Sandwood

We never regret investing in ourselves. The reward is balance and fulfillment

Are you Bringing or Searching?

Are you searching for purpose or bringing happiness into your life?

When we desire anything, the words we use become important. Searching may change the results we get.

Psychology and now neuroscience believes that words, like thoughts are powerful mind tools. Both can empower or deny our success.

Create the life you desire, by understanding thoughts and words as tools.

Bringing and searching defined.

Bringing: To guide. To lead, catch or conduct.

Searching: Look for something lost or missing

By exploring words, differences emerge.

Searching indicates sourcing information externally. An unknown factor. Where, When and how?

Our brains are not comfortable with unknowns. Unknowns are fear based. Fear based thoughts and words release stress chemicals and hormones.

Bringing suggests accessible inner wisdom. Confidence, assurance. Knowing another person can bring the required information. Our brain releases healthy and happy hormones.

Why is it important to use thoughts and words as mind tools?

Thoughts and words link body mind and soul. Psychology says we are what we think. We become what we think.

How?  Thoughts reflect our perception.  Perception form beliefs: expansive or restrictive. Beliefs initiate behavior: good or bad. Behavior motivates action: positive or negative.

Thoughts initiate biology, healthy or unhealthy.

How? Thoughts are based on either love or fear.

Love based thoughts are healing. Enhance our immune system. Increases our ability to fight disease. Makes us feel happy. Hope, resilience, creative, cooperative, connected and content.

Each fear based thoughts impair immunity for 6-8 hours. It feels like stress, anxiety, restlessness, sleeplessness. Engages Flight Fright response, disconnection, dis-satisfaction, loneliness.  Thinking becomes foggy. We search for something to grasp.

How can we learn to be conscious of our thoughts and words?

First ask yourself:

What do I want? 

The process is one of looking inward. Quieting the mind.  Bringing inner wisdom forward.

Meditation, a Journal, introspection, mindful activities all offer insight.

Why is it important?

While exploring “what”. It is important to understand “why”. Without “why”. “What” is meaningless. The power lies in “why”.

Reflect on the importance of “why”. Ask yourself.

  1. Is what I am asking for, based in fear or love.
  2. Do you feel excited?
  3. Does your answer lead to a first action step

The answer remains illusive?

No problem. More deep thinking is required. A process I call The Contentment Method. Part of the Contentment Method involves exploring emotions. Self limiting beliefs,  self-destructive loops, absolutes and linguistic stops become illuminated.

Emotions bring forth the wisdom stored within your mind
  • Your mind is filled with well-traveled paths. Emotional pathways.
  • Identify the pattern within your mind.
  • Create a road map.
    • Take out your journal.
    • Create a mental road map.
    • Different paths and trails that all lead to one emotion.
  • Notice the feelings. Each path as slightly different.
    • Explore.
    • Peek into each one. Listen for their secrets. Hear the echo of your past.
  • Each time you recognize an emotion rise into your consciousness.
    • Take a colored pencil.
    • Write this emotion along the side of this road.
    • Say it out loud
    • Say it louder
    • How does it feel
    • Where in your body do you feel it
    • Is it love or is it fear
    • What color is it?
    • Know it
    • What does it look like?
    • Is there a sound associated with it?
    • Have you noticed how this emotion gets triggered.
    • Is this path old?
    • Write your age next to this path.

If needed, repeat the steps above.

Deep think each path you have drawn.

Take a deep breathe in. Exhale. Deep think. Move instinctively towards the memory you wish to retrieve.

Adele talked about the mind science behind losing weight

Know the difference between failure and choosing because it affects your happiness

Happiness tip 3 Know the difference between failure and choosing.

Why do so many have difficulty choosing. Well, it could be that choosing is associated with the possibility of failure. And so, choose nothing.

What is choice? An option, or a possible course of action

What is failure? Lack of success or feelings of non-fulfillment.

Why is choice so important?

It moves us. Takes us towards a possible action that creates something we want. Choice is forward momentum, towards success or through failures that arise.

So why do so many have difficulty choosing?

Failure and choosing may sound different but have quite a few similarities.

Both stop many from proceeding. Inside the mind the feelings are similar. A fear of failure and a fear of making the wrong choice, feel the same. Because they both share the emotion, fear.

Why is that important? It creates a pattern of behavior. In many people, the resulting pattern is stagnation. Doing nothing, or not taking the leap at all.


And it is OK to have your ducks in a row, but perfection is often overrated. I consider it a dream breaker actually.

WHY? Because I hardly ever hear someone say to me, it’s perfect in every way. No need to improve. It’s absolutely perfect.

Also, perfect is often used as a “future” word.

When it is ever perfect? Maybe there are perfect moments, but our brains don’t work that way. We are constantly searching for ways to improve. Improvement, creativity, invention are all natural phenomena’s of our brain.

But when perfect stops us is the ruminating thought, once I make it perfect. Or when I do this, or when this happens it will be perfect. And so perfect often stops us from taking the action that we need to make DREAMS HAPPEN.

It’s a lot of worrying about things that haven’t happened. So what’s there to worry about? Keep it simple, have faith and take the leap.

If you fall down, think back a few years to when you learned to walk…

How many times do you think you fell? 1000’s maybe even 10s of thousands. But did that stop you? No! Did you not just keep getting up? Until you learned to RUN!

History says that success is built on failures.

And failure is another word for try it a different way. So if your there, right now, lying in the dirt, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the game.

Choice is where dreams are made. So dream big and take the leap.

Or if something is still stopping you from going after your dreams, take a deep breathe, and give me a call, I’ll promise to catch you if you fall. xoxoxA

Happiness tip 1. Journaling can bring you closer to happiness


Happiness tip 1

Is something dominating your thoughts today? Try journaling.

It’s not uncommon for us to unconsciously lock ourselves into a loop of unhappiness.

What is a dominating thought?

It could be called ruminating, worry or negativity. And it’s not a good thing. Whenever we are worried or stressed about anything.  The process creates the same internal state as any negative emotion.

Therefore ruminating is considered a negative emotional state. A middle brain process where negative emotions initiate stress chemicals and hormones to flush through our body and brain; creating the physical sensation of worry and stress.

Why is that important to understand?

In limbic brains’ search for a solution to our discomfort, it scans through millions of memories, for a pattern of behavior that was used in the past, to make this emotional state feel better.

Unfortunately the Limbic brains interpretation of today’s event does not have to be correct. It is simply identifying similarities in emotional patterns.

Here’s an example: Did you ever watch Sesame street? Big Bird and 4 pictures would come onto the TV screen and we were asked to identify similarities or differences.

Which if these things is not like the other. Which of these things doesn’t belong. Well the limbic brains search only reveals the similarity of emotions. How we felt about something. But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be anything like today’s situation. And it doesn’t mean that it was productive. In fact, it only means that your minds attempt to make yourself feel better followed a certain routine.

Why does it matter?

Because just maybe that was eating ice-cream! And you are trying to lose weight. Or any habit. Smoking or taking a drink… It could be almost any addiction. Or it could be anger, unhappiness.

Why does this happen?

These are embedded patterns of behavior deep within the mind. Consider it automated unconscious patterns. A sequence of behavior initiated by our brain meant to temporarily soothe these feelings of discontent, anger, frustration.

What happens next? We often notice that not too much later, the feelings of discontent return. Maybe rumination interrupts a good night’s sleep. You may notice yourself having a quick temper, or procrastination as the emotion rises to the surface again, possibly even accelerating the emotion.

What is even worse?

All result in limiting our ability to make good decisions, to be creative or productive. And even more important, it could interfere with your ability to feel happy.

So what is one solution to help return your sense of self and get you on the road and back to happy?

Journaling; but it must be done in a very specific way.

And I hear you say, why journaling? Sounds way too simple? Or maybe your thought is that it would be time consuming?

But how is journaling part of the solution?

Well a few things happen when you journal. It requires your brain to think. Meaning that journaling takes you out of an emotional state. Emotional processes take place within the Limbic brain. This immediately shifts your brain. By completing a task of journaling, you enter a cognitive function. Writing is cognitive process of the Neo-Cortex. Meaning you are no longer in the Limbic brain and that makes all the difference.

It’s like shifting the gears of your car. When you’re in first gear, you’re not in second. And so on.

You see, the Neo-Cortex is where you think, have the ability to rationalize, analyze and be creative.

About how does that help you? You have removed your focus on emotion, therefore lessoning the focus within the emotional limbic brain.

By giving the Neo-cortex a simple action, you have changed the brains.

How? First by identifying the emotion you are feeling. Secondly, writing the identified emotion into your journal. Writing, spelling and organizing our thoughts all require the neo-cortex to process. Thus our emotions lesson, because we are not in a limbic brain process.

How? Imagine a brain to be like a room in your house. When you are in the room, a light is on. When you leave that room, you turn off the light. Entering a different room, you turn on that light.

When the light is on, that is the brain in use.

How can we even understand ourselves at a deeper level?

Identifying not only why; but when; we feel a certain way. When have you felt this way in the past? Are your current feelings related to an old memory, an old event?

If the emotion was the same as an old event, the memory was triggered. When this happens, that emotion is brought forward in your mind. Like taking a book off the book shelf and looking at it. Even though the event can be different, it is your emotion that was the same or similar in some way.

How can you recognize this? Your reaction was swift.

And how can we stop this from happening? Awareness is a beginning of letting the emotion go. By first bringing the emotion forward, it becomes malleable. This is where the deep thinking process begins.

I can take you there, but if you’re still not ready…. Begin to journal. It is a happiness builder. Happiness tip 1: is journaling.

Sacred Messengers could save your life

If Sacred messengers could save your life. It may be good to know exactly what a sacred messenger is!

What is the Sacred messenger? Always unique just like you! It could be considered your life line. Your own unique wellness language!

In simple terms. It is the mental emotional or physical symptom. One we often don’t want to pay attention to. It could be the symptom masked or made invisible. By a drug. So that we don’t have to feel its’ uncomfortable expression. A Sacred Messenger is the  “lost language” of our “selves.

What is our mind/body lost language? The body provides us personalized mental, emotional and physical signs. Feelings, sensations and unease. All signals for us to pay attention to. Or in some cases, warnings that we are unbalanced or seriously unwell. ….I call them the sacred messengers.

Example: It could be repetitive thoughts. Or feelings of irritation. Being short tempered. Anxiety in the pit of your stomach.  Or that nagging feeling of anxiousness. Sleepless when stressed. These are only a few examples.  Symptoms meant to bring our attention towards our inner dis-ease.

Example: Getting sick often. Our system is telling us something. Maybe that we are depleted. Possibly we need to rest. An opportunity to de-stress or eat better. To be kinder to ourselves.

Classic Example: You go to the Doctor. With a bunch of symptoms. You’ve been experiencing sleeplessness. And your joints ache. Feel kinda sluggish. And you have noticed that your thinking has become unclear. An old habit of procrastinating has returned. Exercise no longer matters. And you recognize you’re not eating as healthy. You feel intuitively that something is wrong.

So you ask the famous question. Doctor please tell me what’s wrong. And yet all the tests provide no clue. You’re in perfect health your Doctor declares!

So you return home. And continue to feel unwell. A few months later. When you return to your Doctor. You’re quickly sent off to a specialist. Just to be sure. Whew, you think. Now I’ll know why I am feeling this way. However all the tests return. Again reaffirming you’re in perfect health. But are you? You don;t feel well. Or… is it just that the symptoms are not to the stage where a diagnosis can be made.

So what is wrong? Maybe nothing. Or maybe, just maybe something is seriously wrong. But please investigate further. Be your best advocate. And consider a holistic route that can use these symptoms; to re-balance the system.   

Why can’t we be diagnosed? Western medicine requires a syndrome (3 symptoms commonly identified to a certain condition). You then become dangerously “labelled”. With a “dis”-ease. But until the syndrome is identified, there can be no diagnosis.

Eastern or Holistic Medicine utilizes signs and symptoms; sacred messengers” and provide a natural solution for the prescription.

Body messengers verses Mind messengers:

Why it is important to learn the lost art of body language?

  1. It is your personalized message. Your immune system is telling you something important
  2. You need to learn the language and how to understand it, feel it and articulate what the symptom is.

Why is it important? Because 54% of women who died of heart disease. They never knew anything was wrong. 67% never mentioned any symptoms to their doctors. But the facts are that Heart disease kills more men and woman than any other cause. Cancer is 2nd at 22%.

FYI: The messengers mean something! Do not ignore them. Learn to listen and acknowledge them. Body whispers could save your life!

WHY? Because people don’t wake up on Tuesday with Heart disease or Cancer. …… Signs and symptoms have existed long before pathology presents itself.

What if we considered sacred messengers as one of your body’s defense mechanisms? Could we then interrupt onset of illness? Science says so. So now we know. We have a chance to listen, learn and impact our well-being. If we don’t suppress its message.

If we consider that messengers bridge the physical, mental & emotional well-being, How could your health and well-being benefit from this knowledge?

Dr. Lissa Rankin: first a physician and later a researcher, keyed the term “body whispers”. As signs and symptoms that we are ignoring: fatigue, anxiety, sleeplessness, aches & pains, H.B.P. and cholesterol and more.

As a physician, she heard many stories. Similar to what I described earlier. And she couldn’t find the solutions. For her patients. She wanted to understand why. Why her patients were not getting well. Kept returning year after year. With the same or progressing conditions.

Dr. Rankin goes on to quote. Studies from Yale, Harvard and articles written in the New England Journal of medicine that state:

Health is holistic; health is the “holistic truth” of you. If you find your truth. You will then find your wellness.

She goes on to challenge each of us. To pay attention.

Why don’t we know about the whispers? It’s like a blind spot. We have not been taught how to listen. So we are unaware of that we are being messaged.

Particularly, in the western hemisphere. We are not taught. About the holistic nature of our selves. So now, we need to recognize and re-train ourselves. To listen to the body whispers.

How do we ignore or suppress Whispers?

  • By medicating, numbing with drugs or alcohol, tobacco, opiates and food.
  • Fears, vulnerability, rejection and shame all keep us from mentioning whispers.
  • Low self-esteem, body image, feeling not good enough and feeling alone all contribute to silencing the whispers.
  • There are so many ways to compensate and disconnect and ignore. But now you know the importance! It could cost us our lives…

How do I start to help myself today?

Begin to tune in…

  • Reconnected to your body to the truth of who you are.
  • Quiet the mind, listen to the signals
    • Consider them assets rather than pesky
    • Be grateful for the whispers as they could save your life
      • Some people choose Yoga, Meditation, writing or journaling. Find your passion, if it quiets the mind you will hear the body whisper.
      • Gentle exercise offers quiet time and reflection
    • Consider a healthy diet and exercise to see if the symptoms change?
    • Keep a record of what worked and what had no effect
      • Remember that dietary changes can take as much as 4 months
    • Avoid things that inhibit your ability to listen.
      • Numbing agents like drugs & alcohol, addictive foods, nicotine, sugar, poor eating habits.
      • Honor your body. It is your temple.


How do I then articulate a well-rounded symptom to a holistic practitioner?

A well rounded symptom is like a three legged stool: It is like navigation, three points of reference.

  1. Sensation
    1. Type of pain
      1. Swelling
      2. Heat
      3. Intensity
  1. Location
    1. Where on the body
  2. Modality
    1. Where does it extend to
    2. What other symptoms happen at the same time
    3. Is it always on one side of the body, left or right?
    4. Is there a cycle to it
      1. Appears one a week, one a month, every spring…
      2. Arrives with intensity
      3. Come quickly and leave quickly
      4. Show up slowly and leave quickly
      5. Begins slowly and leave slowly
      6. Is located in more than one location
      7. Are there things that makes the symptom worse
      8. Or what makes the symptom feel better

What are immediate ways you can help yourself?
Schedule down-time for yourself

  1. Find things you enjoy such as music, fitness or meditation. Find new possibilities.
  2. Nourishing your mind and spirit stimulates new intentions, hopefulness and expands creativity and dreams.
  3. Learn to do the things you love. By doing things that you love, you learn to be kind to yourself, to love yourself and that improves well-being.
  4. Communicate your needs, be honest.
  5. Fact is women who take care of themselves are happier and healthier. They tend to have healthier happier families, so take care of your needs first; it’s a win/win.
    1. Don’t neglect yourself! The way we treat ourselves will be the standard of how others will treat us!


The way we treat OURSELVES, will be the standard of how others will treat us………


  1. Honor self-love. It is the “perfect pill” choice! Love, gratitude and pleasure are the glue that holds it all together.


Who can help?

  • Psychologists listen without medical intervention, gives guidelines that assist and encourage you to work through psychologically.
  • Naturopaths listen, provide natural support for the body
  • Chinese Medical Doctors listens, with natural intervention
  • Homeopaths Listen for the mind body messengers, apply natural intervention
  • Priests listen
  • Mentors listen but may not have the medical knowledge
  • Coaches listen in the advice free zone and through curious questions allow you to find your inner wisdom
  • Adele is your life-coach with a holistic medical background. A licensed Homeopath of 17 years, Master Nero-linguistic Programmer, Hypnotist and a master of mind body linguistics. This unique skill set has evolved over 25 years into mastering the language of Sacred Messengers, providing insight into health and well-being as well as what may be holding back your happiness and brilliance. Holistic prescriptions are based on individualized analysis.

Are you overweight and feeling lonely? Learn how loneliness interferes with weight loss

Anyone experienced loneliness?

They can tell you, the wound of loneliness is deep. As deep as any physical injury. Yet wounds of the mind aren’t often recognized as such. And if you’re trying to lose weight? It’s affecting you more than mentally emotionally. It is affecting your desire for your future. (more…)

The Happiness Equation author shares his formula for how to be happy

The author of the best-selling book The Happiness Equation wasn’t always as cheerful as he is now.

Neil Pasricha started his daily blog, 1000 Awesome Things, as a form of therapy after going through a painful divorce and having his close friend kill himself. (more…)

Unknowingly committing Passive Suicide?

Is it possible to be unknowingly committing Passive Suicide?

Passive suicide sounds provocative. It is more normal than we think. Letting life slide. Feeling dominated at work or home. Discover how passive suicide shows up in every day situations. (more…)

What food is your babysitter?

Food has become our babysitter.


Wheat as an addiction and addictions stops us from losing weight

Swish Pattern for Excellence

Swish Pattern:

is an Neuro-Linguistics Programming that can assist in removing unwanted behavior and move you towards your desired outcome. (more…)

Relentlessly love your inner warrior Find the Powerful force within

Practice Warrior Love


Anger Junkie, Are you addicted to anger?

97% of Women hate their body

Why do we hate our body?

How about this morning. Rub your belly?  Did you pull open your P.J.’s? Then take a sideways look in the mirror? Did you think twice about breakfast?Wonder if you should cut back on calories today? How many outfits did you try? To get the one that looks good. (more…)

Unknowingly committing Passive Suicide?

 Is it possible to be unknowingly committing Passive Suicide?

Passive suicide sounds provocative. It is more normal than we think. Letting life slide. Feeling dominated at work or home. Discover how passive suicide shows up in every day situations.

What is Passive Suicide?

Have you ever just “given up the reins.” Let someone else make all the calls? Sounds benign? Not to our brains. Our brains like active roles. Passivity is detrimental to our well-being. The wrong signals are sent to our brain. Passivity to our brain…a signal that we don’t really care.

And as we may know. Our thoughts directly affect the action we take each and everyday. Passive thoughts becomes passive engagement. Passivity could be critical to our health. It could be suicidal.

Dr. Bernie Siegel offers a great read. His book, Mind Medicine and Miracles is psychology and health. I loved the book.  Great information on health and recovery. Learning that we can empower our recovery. Impact our long term health through some pretty basic steps.

He talks about Passive Suicide. Doctor patient relationships. Illuminating important yet underutilized Psychology research. Understanding psychology of health is important.

What else could be considered Passive Suicide?

Not pursuing passion. Suppressing emotions. Not doing what needs to be done. Allowing someone else make all the decisions.

Passive decisions, a faulty belief system that limits our power.

Why? Limiting ourselves to “Comfortable choices”, is a form of inaction. Not actively being involved in a discussion that involves us, is dangerous. Ignoring choices that may challenge, is a form of passive suicide.

Dr. Caroline Bedall Thomas of John Hopkins University Medical School goes onto say, the frequency of passive suicide remains unknown. Is definitely a factor in recovering from any life threatening illness.

Examples of Passive Suicide

MINE:  “Dragging my feet”. Not getting my program out there. Fear of rejection. Holding back from passionate and rewarding work.

What’s stops me? FEAR based emotions! That little voice inside my head! Outdated beliefs about success and lifestyle. Success may change my life. I actually love the life I have.

Other common examples of passive Suicide life?

A: Want to lose weight? Diet and exercise is key. We fail to eat well balanced meals. Fail to exercise.

B: Fight with our partner? It causes our relationship to struggle. We know its emotional baggage. It may be painful to look into our past. Learn how to remove these triggers. Correct them forever. Result, a better relationship. A happier life. Yet we do nothing.

C: We hear the alarm. Wake tired. Didn’t sleep well. Stress at work. Take 5 minutes to meditate. It absolutely helps. We don’t.

D: Have a stiff body. Stretching helps. Refuse to do.

E: Struggling? We need help. Delay making an appointment.

Why does our brain think these simple life examples a form of passive suicide?

Thoughts are processed. What does an act of passiveness tell our brain? How would our brain categorize that? Indecision? Possibly fear of trying. Fear of the unknown. Result? Stress hormones flood our bodies. Inhibit our immune function. Feelings of confusion. Loss of control. Doubt our capabilities. Self- esteem and self-worth suffer. And we lower our immune response.

Ignoring the “hard choice” requires our brain not only adjusts the chemicals and hormone mix. Which adjusts our behavior. Actions follow. We do nothing. It’s not healthy.

Does “passiveness” sound good for health?

Here’s a loaded question. Forget passive suicide.

If you had only one day to live. What would you do? Nothing? Would you chose to feel the sun on your face? Open a window. Listen to the soft sweet sound of a birds’ song. Step outside. Feel the cool gentle breeze move through your hair. Go to the beach? Hug a friend. Tell the ones you love, that you love them. What would you do? Do nothing… ? I hope not…

I’ll tell you my own story of only having “one day to live”.

I was 27. My life forever changed. Flying high, a passenger in a amphibious ultra-light plane.

A beautiful sunny day looking at patchwork landscapes. Feeling the wind on my face. It was wonderful.

The pilot pointed to the winding river below. Deciding to swoop down. The plane tilt sharply. My back press into the seat with the extra speed. The engine rev behind me. Diving towards the river. The plane continued to speed up. Speed meant quickly skipping across the surface and back up into the sky.

Something went terribly wrong. The landing gear was down. The plane struck the water hard. Catching the landing gear. Immediately flipped from tail to head. Breathing in, my mouth filled with acidic tasting water. I chose to swallow the water, keeping my oxygen inside.

Careering upside down a fast flowing river.  Water black, murky. Blind. Confused. Debris hit my head. More tumbled around my body. Cold water rushed by. Hair dragged through mouth and eyes. I tried to get free. Failed. Securely locked into my 3 point harness, meant to save my life.

Knowledge? I had been a life guard. A strong swimmer. Could hold my breath? yes! For how long? 45 seconds? 60 seconds? 2 minutes? Probably not. How long?

I could remember back. Challenging myself to swim a 50 foot pool underwater.. Recall the feeling of energy leaving my body. That feeling I knew. How long?

This was different. Not a pool. I couldn’t breach the surface. Better figure it out fast. How to save my life. The answer evaded me.


My attention now drawn inward. My life began to flash in front of my eyes. Was I dying?

Passively, I watched the thousands of images. My life in great detail. The images slowed.

Police officers walked up my parents sidewalk. Their heavy boots climbing the big red brick stairs. Knocking on the front door. The door opened. My Mother. First looking confused. The realization, horror in her eyes. Her heart breaking scream shattered my passive state.

Her body crumpled to the floor. Back to reality.

How many seconds? I did not know. Time stopped. Time is  relevant to the observer. What did it mean?

Fully awake again. I must do something! I am NOT GOING TO DIE! Not today. Not like this.

That single thought changed my life. My brain “rewound”. Backwards flashing images.  A memory. The exact information I needed.

It was a movie. Watched long ago. I didn’t remember the name…. (go figure) The scene, clearly remembered. A commander teaching young pilots how to escape a plane. One that had crashed, overturned in water.

The short story? I followed the script. Saved my life. I escaped the plane. I survived.

The moral of the story. Don’t be passive.

The instant I gave my brain a job. Incredible, powerful things happened. I needed a solution. Needed it fast. My brain did exactly what was needed. I made a choice. My brain went to work.

If you consider, being upside down in a water-filled plane. It may have seemed hopeless. I could have thought, I am “stuck”. I “can’t” get out! (ever felt that way)

A passive choice would have been suicide.

Initiating change can be challenging. Engaging ourselves in any decision, set us up for greater success. The simple act of engaging can hold magnificent power.

It’s true in my work.

I never want to have a client that isn’t actively involved. It sets us both up to fail. With devastating consequences.

A person that isn’t actively pursuing the best positive outcome, often self-sabotages.

Do you know someone who walked away? Know someone who was offered their dream job? The job they fought for.

Passive and self-sabotage.

In Mind Medicine and Miracles, Dr. Siegal studies the 20%. He calls them exceptional patients.

Why? Only 20% of us engage in the process of healing. Actively pursuing the outcome. Make the necessary changes. The hard choices. Do whatever it takes. They are the survivors. Passive suicide is not an option.

Changes may challenge us. Challenge creates “resilience”. Our brain to finds strategies. Creative ways to ensure our success. Challenge results in healthy neuro-chemicals flooding our bloodstream. Increases our Fighter T cells. Our bodies FIGHT!

By making a decision. We take action, body mind and soul.

Life is all about change. Yet humans resist change.The old primitive Reptilian brain. Tells us there might be a wholly Mammoth outside. Keeps us fearful of change. Keeps us sticking with the norm. What we already know and understand. We feel “safe” by not changing. Yet it becomes our demise.

How can we stop contributing to passive suicide?

By understanding how out thoughts engage our brain subconsciously.

We must be willing to do the work. Contribute to our own wellness. In every possible way.

How can we help ourselves?
  1. Learn from the 20% exceptional patient.
  2. Become an active participant. Your best advocate.
  3. Seek support. Be the change.
  4. What would you learn from this experience.
  5. Question attitudes and perception.
  6. Find the stress triggers. Stress is the big daddy of illness. How we relate to stress and the fear around situations in life can allow us to make the hard choices for positive change.
  7. What is the tough decisions; “Am I sending and “passive suicide” message to my brain.

Contact me: adele@yourdestinycoach.ca

Stay well out there xox

I’m here to help. I’m Adele Anderson from Fulfill Your Destiny?

“Before I let someone else decide something major in my life,

I will ask; Am I sending my brain the wrong message?

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Is Your Inner Warrior Forsaken

Practice Warrior Love

When we speak to our inner warrior are we kind?

Or, do we beat up our Inner Warrior, the one that believes in us at all times, unless we tell it not to.

Our inner warrior is an easy target. Self inflicting pain is the way we often chose to hurt ourselves. How often do we recognize that we beat ourselves up, doubt our power, lessen our belief in ourselves. How often. Often.

Why do we do it? When we hurt, we sometimes blame ourselves for the pain we feel. Whether it is loneliness, stress, disappointed love, lose of a job or plane old unhappiness, it is easier to blame ourselves and fall into a pattern of self blame.  Why is it easy to head down the dark side? because, I notice that human beings can be terribly fragile. We are insular when we hurt, we have a difficult time reaching out. And the cycle of fighting our inner warrior becomes a pattern, maybe even a scape goat?

So what is blame all about? Understanding self limiting beliefs that allow us to blame ourselves when things are not perfect in our lives can become a pattern that limits our higher expression of who we want to be, who we are and how much we shine. Possibly blaming our inner warrior keeps us safe from a more powerful expression of greatness. Then we would really have put ourselves on the line and then what, what then if we fall from a greater height.

Beating ourselves up, is another way to say I am afraid of my own greatness. If I keep myself small, I won’t challenge or risk too much. It is safer…. maybe not.

Consider how empowering our self is an elemental key to our success, happiness and enjoying the full richness our our being. Notice when we feel strong and we love our inner warrior how we naturally shine, easily effortlessly and in harmony with our being.

I believe empowering our self is the link to spirit and to our higher connection with all that we hope and dream possible for ourselves.

We are capable of incredible generosity, compassion, empathy, rich and rewarding gifts of service, love and when we gift our inner warrior with our love, many things become possibly.

Love your inner warrior, relentlessly nurture your inner warrior. Find the powerful force that lies within yourself and shine shine shine.

A metaphor can open a doorway into your mind

A metaphor of a door can create happiness.

What does a metaphor about a door have to do with our Psyche? Psychology states that our subconscious mind understands and used metaphoric language. So when we want to change the inner workings of our subconscious mind. A metaphor can be an important part of the solution.

What is a metaphor?

Metaphor: Something that is not really true or realistic. Used to describe a circumstance. Has no relationship to time or space.

Example: “That nearly killed me! Really? Not really, only metaphorically. Or understanding a dream. A steep mountain may be a metaphor for a big challenge ahead! Can be both positive or negative.

What it is not: Literal.

Why use a door as a Metaphor?

Because a door has common well-known characteristics.

  • A door is hard
  • Closes off a room.
  • Provide a barrier
  • We can’t see through it, (but we could add a window)
  • Maybe we can hear/ but partially impairs communication
  • Feeling resistance when closed, yet swings open easily
  • Notice the difference. A small child trying to open a door. Or youself. Easy or hard.
  • Recognize when and where you feel locked out.
  • Open door policy/ closed door policy
  • In or out
  • A door may keep the room inside invisible, protected
  • Keeps our houses safe.
  • It can be the access to a beautiful space where anything is possible.

Doors can have multiple connotations. Fear or love. Which does it represent to you?

Why are metaphors used in Psychology?

Psychologists understand that the subconscious mind loves metaphors. Loves stories. Metaphors give us a inside feel to a story. The subconscious mind communicates differently from our conscious mind. It uses symbolism. The feelings that arise from the images. The feeling that a metaphor may also remind us of.

I am using a door as a metaphor to create a story. One to help us understand a bit about our mind.

In psychology, a door could represent something we do not want to look at. To something that may be hidden. Whatever it is, whether it is locked behind a door or not. It could still be interfering with your happiness.

It could be mental emotional trauma, emotional baggage or outdated beliefs. Then we can visualize certain doors inside our mind. Where something unpleasant can be locked behind. But it is still there…

Why does it become locked behind a door? Self preservation. Not wanting to deal with the emotional pain of an event.

So why it is there at all? If we don’t want to remember it? Because our brains must process every thought. Our brains must try to make sense of the thought. To understand it. Or at least try to. The thought must be analyzed for sensations, feelings and emotion. Connecting with other similar past emotions. Then it is categorized and filed. Into either our short or long term memory. Whether we want them there or not.

Why do these old negative memories still affect us today?

Each time we think of this negative experience. Or have a new experience that brings up a matching emotions. This memory is brought forward into our conscious mind. We have an opportunity!

SOLUTION: To change the pattern. When a memory has been brought forward, it becomes malleable. This is our opportunity to change it. But do we? Not usually.

What typically happens is we take the “low road”. “Reacting” out of context with the current situation. The result, we re-enforce the memory. Imagine “reacting” to be similar to paving an old dirt road. That memory, like the newly paved road becomes easier to travel.

If we think of our memory as a road map. The road map contains all the places we have traveled. Every time we think, feel or get reminded by something else, about a location, we recall that memory. Like taking a library book out of the bookshelf and looking at it. It is up close when it moves into our conscious mind.

Once it is in our conscious mind. We have an opportunity to work with it. Like a writer, who edits their book. rewriting passages to smooth them out, or changing them entirely. Altering the past in some way. But that is only when we choose to actively edit our memory.

If we don’t change it? We allow an unpleasant past memory to affect our present. By not changing the memory, we reinforce the negative experience. As you know now, similar to paving a road. The paving makes it easier to travel next time. The cool thing is, we were never meant to suffer from our past.

Every day we have an opportunity to take charge and create thoughts and memories to enhance our lives. Empower our dreams and stimulate happiness.

The first step is awareness

Then action.

Why does our brain create a road map?

Our conscious BIG brain is our slow but rational brain. It takes time to reach a conclusion. The subconscious brain is very fast. It can process thoughts in a nano second. So we can react quickly.

Within the subconscious. There is the Limbic Brain. It is our Limbic brains job to give today’s emotional experience a quick understanding. It does this by linking similar emotions and feelings of today’s experience with yesterdays experiences. Why? So our Limbic brain can make a quick decision. Together with the Reptilian brain; they decide if today’s experience safe or is it not.

The Limbic brain served a great purpose 2000 years ago, when danger lurked outside our cave.

The problem is, today’s world is so much more complex. The Limbic brain links similar emotions. But makes mistakes. 80% of the time, the “Limbic” brain is wrong. And we react like there is danger outside our cave.

Why does the Limbic Brain make mistakes?

Imagine a hurricane. It chaotic. Loud. Dangerous. Stressful.

Now consider a painful experience. Or a trauma. Both create stress. It doesn’t matter that one is a hurricane and the other a painful experience. The Limbic brain links memories of stress. Sending a signal to the Reptilian brain. And we react.

Why do we react when the memory is supposed to be in lock-down?

Locking our emotions behind a door simply means we are ignoring it. This act tells our brain not to find a solution. The truth is, we know that it is never truly locked away. We now understand that emotional distress can affect ones life for a life time. If we let it.

How do we see it in people’s lives? Addiction. Patterns of abuse or self-destructive behavior. There are all kinds of ways. For us to try to stop the pain. We “suppress it”, ” numb it, drink it away, dope it away, do anything to ignore it”. And in the end? All are futile attempts.

Many of us known the futility in our actions. The pain never goes away. Because the healing process has never been addressed. The trauma remains locked. Behind a door within our mind.

Let’s look at our metaphor in a broader sense.

Imagine we each have a house that is our mind. This house is always under renovation.

Take a peak at the house within your mind. Notice how many rooms there are. The rooms are filed with life experiences. You can feel the emotion attached to each room.

Take notice of the differences in each room. Ranges of tone and color, whispers, or music. Inhale the scent of each room. Each room feels unique.

Looking deeper. Into bright cheerful rooms. Relaxed rooms with fresh air. Then there are other rooms. A small number we avoid. Dark stained doors.  Some with door knobs. Other where doors hang. Haphazardly from their hinges. A few nailed shut. But awful odors still ooze under the threshold.

These are the doors that feel ominous. We keep far away from these doors. Yet we can’t ignore them.

Facts are. The house is yours. You’ve built every room. Made the door. And know what is inside. So why are we so afraid?

What is this FEAR thing?

And then we realize. If we built this room. Put this door in. We CAN TEAR IT DOWN! We are actually in charge here. Not fear.

Why not leave it? Because living in fear is stress. It’s unhealthy.

The way we think about our house. About each room that we have built. Is a direct reflection of our mental, emotional and physical health.

If it is so bad for us, why can’t we just forget? It’s not about forgetting. (it’s coming) We wouldn’t have a very good mind if we could forget! Our minds are magnificent!

Olfactory example: Close your eyes and recall the delicious aroma of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. (Did you just take a deep breathe through your nose?) Quite possibly we took a deep breathe in because our sense of smell engaged with the memory of freshly baked cookies and instantly opened this doorway in our mind. Our senses remember the smell and all the good memories that come with cookies! We instantly feel good.

If it is a pleasant experience. Like the smell of home baked goodies All is well.

So that explains how feelings of stress can instantly open doorways.

Stress is like a giant “key”. It unlocks almost every door where a stressful situation has been locked away. And when stress opens a door. Typically we react badly. Often greatly magnified. Disproportionate from our current experience.

Reactions can have devastating consequence in many situations.

Magnified reactions can result in a loss of a job Even end a relationship or a friendship. Our reactions often hurt us . Again and again.

So what’s the solutions?

Here are 3.

  1. Housekeeping services!

Clean up our house.

How? Lets consider a metaphor of housekeeping. Every week we take time to wash our cloths and change the linen on our bed. We vacuum, sweep and mow the lawn. What ever it takes to make our home feel cared for and loved. A clean house feels good.

So what’s so different about cleaning up our minds?

A little perception shift. Mental housekeeping needs normalizing. And as necessary as taking out the trash. Some jobs are easier than others, some require a renovation!

Removing trauma can be likened to remodeling a house. We can do a little renovation. One room at a time. Or take it back to the frame. Begin fresh!

We may want to protect and expand rooms. Ones full of pleasure. Make more room. By getting rid of the clutter. Some rooms may be removed all together.

In order to renovate, typically you need a plan.

A good plan and the right tools. If you’ve never renovated, maybe hire someone that knows what they are doing.

Some support helps. You direct, but someone takes the debris away or helps you build a new room.

With any renovations, whether it’s one room or the entire house. Sooner or later that door needs to be broken down, the walls removed, the carpet thrown out. Whatever it takes, but it needs to go.

De-construction complete! Construction begins. Consider changing the shape of the room all together.  Add a window or two that opens so natural light and fresh air can enter.

Plan how this renovated space can be redecorated. You alone get to chose how to decorate this room. How will it look? Can you see it now. Feel spacious and fresh?

Take a deep breathe in… and relax into this beautiful space you have created.

Still not sure? Not knowing where to start?

A journal is great. Make some notes. Take a look a the floor plan by walk through your own mental house. Look at all the angles.

Rise up in your mind and look at the house from above. Move around this house easily and naturally. Make it yours again. Own it!

When feelings come up, explore them by writing them down. Yelling them out. Saying these feelings out loud until the energy softens.

If it is too painful? 

2. Shift perspective. Psychology has ways to look at a painful life experience and still feel safe. At all stages, you must recognize that YOU are in charge.

Here are some tips.

  • Look from another persons perspective. Pretend you are your most trusted adviser.
  • Change the house to black and white.
  • Look at your house as if you’re watching a movie.
  • Or imagine yourself up on a high mountain looking down on your house.
  • Maybe you are inside a plane and flying overhead and take a quick look out the window.
  • Maybe there are clouds in the sky and so again the house is harder to see.

Looking through windows into rooms, or separated by distance allows painful experiences to be explored in a safe manner.

  • Awareness
    • Ask yourself, what door did I notice opened today?
    • When did it open?
    • What brought activity/ experience opened this old door?
    • What reaction was there?
    • Did it open as a limitation, a label, or something that encouraged me?
    • Or did this door represent freedom and opportunity?
  • Curiosity is another helper?
    • When your awareness piques your curiosity, encouraging exploration.
Explore the door: Exploration is another step towards releasing pain.

Look and feel the sensations that come into our body when we become aware of what is truly happening.

We can take moment to explore where and when this door came into existence by looking back in our life and notice when this room was built. How it was constructed. Why it needed a door then. Why we no longer need it.

3. Accept, Forgive and let go…

Does the door really exist?

No, it’s simply a metaphor to help us understand how we cope.

Real or imagined, if it is affecting our physical or mental emotional well being it is as solid as any door we can reach out and touch. Because doors interfere with our mental emotional and physical health.


Negative emotions and stress create tension; resulting in a negative biological action within our bodies. So it’s not just a door! High levels of stress or chronic stress can feel as real as a brick that is tied to your leg when your deep at sea. Ever heard someone say; “I feel like I’m drowning”.

This is when bad things happen. It needs to be cut lose!

However, the door is not real. And when your truly ready to accept our situation for what it was. Then maybe you’ll be ready to forgive what happened. Benefit from the release of finally letting someone thing painful go.

Release can be likened to releasing a red balloon into the sky and watching it float away. Remember, the illusion of the door was simply an illusion. The door, like the string. Attached to the red balloon and held firmly in our grasp. It is not until we open our hand that the balloon is released.

And then we watch in amazement. The balloon effortlessly and easy drifts apart from us. Drifting on the invisible breeze until we can no longer see it.

After all, it never really existed.

Now you now know. That you have the power. And you have had the power all along.

So close your eyes and imagine. A life without all these doors. Life lived in freedom and liberation!

Stay well out there.

My name is Adele Anderson and you can reach me at Fulfillyourdestiny.ca. You can reach me for a free 30 minute consult: Adele@yourdestinycoach.ca