Author: Adele Anderson

97% of Women hate their body

Why do we hate our body?

How about this morning. Rub your belly?  Did you pull open your P.J.’s? Then take a sideways look in the mirror? Did you think twice about breakfast?Wonder if you should cut back on calories today? How many outfits did you try? To get the one that looks good. Continue reading 97% of Women hate their body

Unknowingly committing Passive Suicide?

 Is it possible to be unknowingly committing Passive Suicide?

Passive suicide sounds provocative. It is more normal than we think. Letting life slide. Feeling dominated at work or home. Discover how passive suicide shows up in every day situations.

What is Passive Suicide?

Have you ever just “given up the reins.” Let someone else make all the calls? Sounds benign? Not to our brains. Our brains like active roles. Passivity is detrimental to our well-being. The wrong signals are sent to our brain. Passivity to our brain…a signal that we don’t really care.

And as we may know. Our thoughts directly affect the action we take each and everyday. Passive thoughts becomes passive engagement. Passivity could be critical to our health. It could be suicidal.

Dr. Bernie Siegel offers a great read. His book, Mind Medicine and Miracles is psychology and health. I loved the book.  Great information on health and recovery. Learning that we can empower our recovery. Impact our long term health through some pretty basic steps.

He talks about Passive Suicide. Doctor patient relationships. Illuminating important yet underutilized Psychology research. Understanding psychology of health is important.

What else could be considered Passive Suicide?

Not pursuing passion. Suppressing emotions. Not doing what needs to be done. Allowing someone else make all the decisions.

Passive decisions, a faulty belief system that limits our power.

Why? Limiting ourselves to “Comfortable choices”, is a form of inaction. Not actively being involved in a discussion that involves us, is dangerous. Ignoring choices that may challenge, is a form of passive suicide.

Dr. Caroline Bedall Thomas of John Hopkins University Medical School goes onto say, the frequency of passive suicide remains unknown. Is definitely a factor in recovering from any life threatening illness.

Examples of Passive Suicide

MINE:  “Dragging my feet”. Not getting my program out there. Fear of rejection. Holding back from passionate and rewarding work.

What’s stops me? FEAR based emotions! That little voice inside my head! Outdated beliefs about success and lifestyle. Success may change my life. I actually love the life I have.

Other common examples of passive Suicide life?

A: Want to lose weight? Diet and exercise is key. We fail to eat well balanced meals. Fail to exercise.

B: Fight with our partner? It causes our relationship to struggle. We know its emotional baggage. It may be painful to look into our past. Learn how to remove these triggers. Correct them forever. Result, a better relationship. A happier life. Yet we do nothing.

C: We hear the alarm. Wake tired. Didn’t sleep well. Stress at work. Take 5 minutes to meditate. It absolutely helps. We don’t.

D: Have a stiff body. Stretching helps. Refuse to do.

E: Struggling? We need help. Delay making an appointment.

Why does our brain think these simple life examples a form of passive suicide?

Thoughts are processed. What does an act of passiveness tell our brain? How would our brain categorize that? Indecision? Possibly fear of trying. Fear of the unknown. Result? Stress hormones flood our bodies. Inhibit our immune function. Feelings of confusion. Loss of control. Doubt our capabilities. Self- esteem and self-worth suffer. And we lower our immune response.

Ignoring the “hard choice” requires our brain not only adjusts the chemicals and hormone mix. Which adjusts our behavior. Actions follow. We do nothing. It’s not healthy.

Does “passiveness” sound good for health?

Here’s a loaded question. Forget passive suicide.

If you had only one day to live. What would you do? Nothing? Would you chose to feel the sun on your face? Open a window. Listen to the soft sweet sound of a birds’ song. Step outside. Feel the cool gentle breeze move through your hair. Go to the beach? Hug a friend. Tell the ones you love, that you love them. What would you do? Do nothing… ? I hope not…

I’ll tell you my own story of only having “one day to live”.

I was 27. My life forever changed. Flying high, a passenger in a amphibious ultra-light plane.

A beautiful sunny day looking at patchwork landscapes. Feeling the wind on my face. It was wonderful.

The pilot pointed to the winding river below. Deciding to swoop down. The plane tilt sharply. My back press into the seat with the extra speed. The engine rev behind me. Diving towards the river. The plane continued to speed up. Speed meant quickly skipping across the surface and back up into the sky.

Something went terribly wrong. The landing gear was down. The plane struck the water hard. Catching the landing gear. Immediately flipped from tail to head. Breathing in, my mouth filled with acidic tasting water. I chose to swallow the water, keeping my oxygen inside.

Careering upside down a fast flowing river.  Water black, murky. Blind. Confused. Debris hit my head. More tumbled around my body. Cold water rushed by. Hair dragged through mouth and eyes. I tried to get free. Failed. Securely locked into my 3 point harness, meant to save my life.

Knowledge? I had been a life guard. A strong swimmer. Could hold my breath? yes! For how long? 45 seconds? 60 seconds? 2 minutes? Probably not. How long?

I could remember back. Challenging myself to swim a 50 foot pool underwater.. Recall the feeling of energy leaving my body. That feeling I knew. How long?

This was different. Not a pool. I couldn’t breach the surface. Better figure it out fast. How to save my life. The answer evaded me.

Passive?

My attention now drawn inward. My life began to flash in front of my eyes. Was I dying?

Passively, I watched the thousands of images. My life in great detail. The images slowed.

Police officers walked up my parents sidewalk. Their heavy boots climbing the big red brick stairs. Knocking on the front door. The door opened. My Mother. First looking confused. The realization, horror in her eyes. Her heart breaking scream shattered my passive state.

Her body crumpled to the floor. Back to reality.

How many seconds? I did not know. Time stopped. Time is  relevant to the observer. What did it mean?

Fully awake again. I must do something! I am NOT GOING TO DIE! Not today. Not like this.

That single thought changed my life. My brain “rewound”. Backwards flashing images.  A memory. The exact information I needed.

It was a movie. Watched long ago. I didn’t remember the name…. (go figure) The scene, clearly remembered. A commander teaching young pilots how to escape a plane. One that had crashed, overturned in water.

The short story? I followed the script. Saved my life. I escaped the plane. I survived.

The moral of the story. Don’t be passive.

The instant I gave my brain a job. Incredible, powerful things happened. I needed a solution. Needed it fast. My brain did exactly what was needed. I made a choice. My brain went to work.

If you consider, being upside down in a water-filled plane. It may have seemed hopeless. I could have thought, I am “stuck”. I “can’t” get out! (ever felt that way)

A passive choice would have been suicide.

Initiating change can be challenging. Engaging ourselves in any decision, set us up for greater success. The simple act of engaging can hold magnificent power.

It’s true in my work.

I never want to have a client that isn’t actively involved. It sets us both up to fail. With devastating consequences.

A person that isn’t actively pursuing the best positive outcome, often self-sabotages.

Do you know someone who walked away? Know someone who was offered their dream job? The job they fought for.

Passive and self-sabotage.

In Mind Medicine and Miracles, Dr. Siegal studies the 20%. He calls them exceptional patients.

Why? Only 20% of us engage in the process of healing. Actively pursuing the outcome. Make the necessary changes. The hard choices. Do whatever it takes. They are the survivors. Passive suicide is not an option.

Changes may challenge us. Challenge creates “resilience”. Our brain to finds strategies. Creative ways to ensure our success. Challenge results in healthy neuro-chemicals flooding our bloodstream. Increases our Fighter T cells. Our bodies FIGHT!

By making a decision. We take action, body mind and soul.

Life is all about change. Yet humans resist change.The old primitive Reptilian brain. Tells us there might be a wholly Mammoth outside. Keeps us fearful of change. Keeps us sticking with the norm. What we already know and understand. We feel “safe” by not changing. Yet it becomes our demise.

How can we stop contributing to passive suicide?

By understanding how out thoughts engage our brain subconsciously.

We must be willing to do the work. Contribute to our own wellness. In every possible way.

How can we help ourselves?
  1. Learn from the 20% exceptional patient.
  2. Become an active participant. Your best advocate.
  3. Seek support. Be the change.
  4. What would you learn from this experience.
  5. Question attitudes and perception.
  6. Find the stress triggers. Stress is the big daddy of illness. How we relate to stress and the fear around situations in life can allow us to make the hard choices for positive change.
  7. What is the tough decisions; “Am I sending and “passive suicide” message to my brain.

Contact me: adele@yourdestinycoach.ca

Stay well out there xox

I’m here to help. I’m Adele Anderson from Fulfill Your Destiny?

“Before I let someone else decide something major in my life,

I will ask; Am I sending my brain the wrong message?

<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/cnKTIJtUdsg” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe>

Is Your Inner Warrior Forsaken

Practice Warrior Love

When we speak to our inner warrior are we kind?

Or, do we beat up our Inner Warrior, the one that believes in us at all times, unless we tell it not to.

Our inner warrior is an easy target. Self inflicting pain is the way we often chose to hurt ourselves. How often do we recognize that we beat ourselves up, doubt our power, lessen our belief in ourselves. How often. Often.

Why do we do it? When we hurt, we sometimes blame ourselves for the pain we feel. Whether it is loneliness, stress, disappointed love, lose of a job or plane old unhappiness, it is easier to blame ourselves and fall into a pattern of self blame.  Why is it easy to head down the dark side? because, I notice that human beings can be terribly fragile. We are insular when we hurt, we have a difficult time reaching out. And the cycle of fighting our inner warrior becomes a pattern, maybe even a scape goat?

So what is blame all about? Understanding self limiting beliefs that allow us to blame ourselves when things are not perfect in our lives can become a pattern that limits our higher expression of who we want to be, who we are and how much we shine. Possibly blaming our inner warrior keeps us safe from a more powerful expression of greatness. Then we would really have put ourselves on the line and then what, what then if we fall from a greater height.

Beating ourselves up, is another way to say I am afraid of my own greatness. If I keep myself small, I won’t challenge or risk too much. It is safer…. maybe not.

Consider how empowering our self is an elemental key to our success, happiness and enjoying the full richness our our being. Notice when we feel strong and we love our inner warrior how we naturally shine, easily effortlessly and in harmony with our being.

I believe empowering our self is the link to spirit and to our higher connection with all that we hope and dream possible for ourselves.

We are capable of incredible generosity, compassion, empathy, rich and rewarding gifts of service, love and when we gift our inner warrior with our love, many things become possibly.

Love your inner warrior, relentlessly nurture your inner warrior. Find the powerful force that lies within yourself and shine shine shine.

A metaphor can open a doorway into your mind

A metaphor of a door can create happiness.

What does a metaphor about a door have to do with our Psyche? Psychology states that our subconscious mind understands and used metaphoric language. So when we want to change the inner workings of our subconscious mind. A metaphor can be an important part of the solution.

What is a metaphor?

Metaphor: Something that is not really true or realistic. Used to describe a circumstance. Has no relationship to time or space.

Example: “That nearly killed me! Really? Not really, only metaphorically. Or understanding a dream. A steep mountain may be a metaphor for a big challenge ahead! Can be both positive or negative.

What it is not: Literal.

Why use a door as a Metaphor?

Because a door has common well-known characteristics.

  • A door is hard
  • Closes off a room.
  • Provide a barrier
  • We can’t see through it, (but we could add a window)
  • Maybe we can hear/ but partially impairs communication
  • Feeling resistance when closed, yet swings open easily
  • Notice the difference. A small child trying to open a door. Or youself. Easy or hard.
  • Recognize when and where you feel locked out.
  • Open door policy/ closed door policy
  • In or out
  • A door may keep the room inside invisible, protected
  • Keeps our houses safe.
  • It can be the access to a beautiful space where anything is possible.

Doors can have multiple connotations. Fear or love. Which does it represent to you?

Why are metaphors used in Psychology?

Psychologists understand that the subconscious mind loves metaphors. Loves stories. Metaphors give us a inside feel to a story. The subconscious mind communicates differently from our conscious mind. It uses symbolism. The feelings that arise from the images. The feeling that a metaphor may also remind us of.

I am using a door as a metaphor to create a story. One to help us understand a bit about our mind.

In psychology, a door could represent something we do not want to look at. To something that may be hidden. Whatever it is, whether it is locked behind a door or not. It could still be interfering with your happiness.

It could be mental emotional trauma, emotional baggage or outdated beliefs. Then we can visualize certain doors inside our mind. Where something unpleasant can be locked behind. But it is still there…

Why does it become locked behind a door? Self preservation. Not wanting to deal with the emotional pain of an event.

So why it is there at all? If we don’t want to remember it? Because our brains must process every thought. Our brains must try to make sense of the thought. To understand it. Or at least try to. The thought must be analyzed for sensations, feelings and emotion. Connecting with other similar past emotions. Then it is categorized and filed. Into either our short or long term memory. Whether we want them there or not.

Why do these old negative memories still affect us today?

Each time we think of this negative experience. Or have a new experience that brings up a matching emotions. This memory is brought forward into our conscious mind. We have an opportunity!

SOLUTION: To change the pattern. When a memory has been brought forward, it becomes malleable. This is our opportunity to change it. But do we? Not usually.

What typically happens is we take the “low road”. “Reacting” out of context with the current situation. The result, we re-enforce the memory. Imagine “reacting” to be similar to paving an old dirt road. That memory, like the newly paved road becomes easier to travel.

If we think of our memory as a road map. The road map contains all the places we have traveled. Every time we think, feel or get reminded by something else, about a location, we recall that memory. Like taking a library book out of the bookshelf and looking at it. It is up close when it moves into our conscious mind.

Once it is in our conscious mind. We have an opportunity to work with it. Like a writer, who edits their book. rewriting passages to smooth them out, or changing them entirely. Altering the past in some way. But that is only when we choose to actively edit our memory.

If we don’t change it? We allow an unpleasant past memory to affect our present. By not changing the memory, we reinforce the negative experience. As you know now, similar to paving a road. The paving makes it easier to travel next time. The cool thing is, we were never meant to suffer from our past.

Every day we have an opportunity to take charge and create thoughts and memories to enhance our lives. Empower our dreams and stimulate happiness.

The first step is awareness

Then action.

Why does our brain create a road map?

Our conscious BIG brain is our slow but rational brain. It takes time to reach a conclusion. The subconscious brain is very fast. It can process thoughts in a nano second. So we can react quickly.

Within the subconscious. There is the Limbic Brain. It is our Limbic brains job to give today’s emotional experience a quick understanding. It does this by linking similar emotions and feelings of today’s experience with yesterdays experiences. Why? So our Limbic brain can make a quick decision. Together with the Reptilian brain; they decide if today’s experience safe or is it not.

The Limbic brain served a great purpose 2000 years ago, when danger lurked outside our cave.

The problem is, today’s world is so much more complex. The Limbic brain links similar emotions. But makes mistakes. 80% of the time, the “Limbic” brain is wrong. And we react like there is danger outside our cave.

Why does the Limbic Brain make mistakes?

Imagine a hurricane. It chaotic. Loud. Dangerous. Stressful.

Now consider a painful experience. Or a trauma. Both create stress. It doesn’t matter that one is a hurricane and the other a painful experience. The Limbic brain links memories of stress. Sending a signal to the Reptilian brain. And we react.

Why do we react when the memory is supposed to be in lock-down?

Locking our emotions behind a door simply means we are ignoring it. This act tells our brain not to find a solution. The truth is, we know that it is never truly locked away. We now understand that emotional distress can affect ones life for a life time. If we let it.

How do we see it in people’s lives? Addiction. Patterns of abuse or self-destructive behavior. There are all kinds of ways. For us to try to stop the pain. We “suppress it”, ” numb it, drink it away, dope it away, do anything to ignore it”. And in the end? All are futile attempts.

Many of us known the futility in our actions. The pain never goes away. Because the healing process has never been addressed. The trauma remains locked. Behind a door within our mind.

Let’s look at our metaphor in a broader sense.

Imagine we each have a house that is our mind. This house is always under renovation.

Take a peak at the house within your mind. Notice how many rooms there are. The rooms are filed with life experiences. You can feel the emotion attached to each room.

Take notice of the differences in each room. Ranges of tone and color, whispers, or music. Inhale the scent of each room. Each room feels unique.

Looking deeper. Into bright cheerful rooms. Relaxed rooms with fresh air. Then there are other rooms. A small number we avoid. Dark stained doors.  Some with door knobs. Other where doors hang. Haphazardly from their hinges. A few nailed shut. But awful odors still ooze under the threshold.

These are the doors that feel ominous. We keep far away from these doors. Yet we can’t ignore them.

Facts are. The house is yours. You’ve built every room. Made the door. And know what is inside. So why are we so afraid?

What is this FEAR thing?

And then we realize. If we built this room. Put this door in. We CAN TEAR IT DOWN! We are actually in charge here. Not fear.

Why not leave it? Because living in fear is stress. It’s unhealthy.

The way we think about our house. About each room that we have built. Is a direct reflection of our mental, emotional and physical health.

If it is so bad for us, why can’t we just forget? It’s not about forgetting. (it’s coming) We wouldn’t have a very good mind if we could forget! Our minds are magnificent!

Olfactory example: Close your eyes and recall the delicious aroma of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. (Did you just take a deep breathe through your nose?) Quite possibly we took a deep breathe in because our sense of smell engaged with the memory of freshly baked cookies and instantly opened this doorway in our mind. Our senses remember the smell and all the good memories that come with cookies! We instantly feel good.

If it is a pleasant experience. Like the smell of home baked goodies All is well.

So that explains how feelings of stress can instantly open doorways.

Stress is like a giant “key”. It unlocks almost every door where a stressful situation has been locked away. And when stress opens a door. Typically we react badly. Often greatly magnified. Disproportionate from our current experience.

Reactions can have devastating consequence in many situations.

Magnified reactions can result in a loss of a job Even end a relationship or a friendship. Our reactions often hurt us . Again and again.

So what’s the solutions?

Here are 3.

  1. Housekeeping services!

Clean up our house.

How? Lets consider a metaphor of housekeeping. Every week we take time to wash our cloths and change the linen on our bed. We vacuum, sweep and mow the lawn. What ever it takes to make our home feel cared for and loved. A clean house feels good.

So what’s so different about cleaning up our minds?

A little perception shift. Mental housekeeping needs normalizing. And as necessary as taking out the trash. Some jobs are easier than others, some require a renovation!

Removing trauma can be likened to remodeling a house. We can do a little renovation. One room at a time. Or take it back to the frame. Begin fresh!

We may want to protect and expand rooms. Ones full of pleasure. Make more room. By getting rid of the clutter. Some rooms may be removed all together.

In order to renovate, typically you need a plan.

A good plan and the right tools. If you’ve never renovated, maybe hire someone that knows what they are doing.

Some support helps. You direct, but someone takes the debris away or helps you build a new room.

With any renovations, whether it’s one room or the entire house. Sooner or later that door needs to be broken down, the walls removed, the carpet thrown out. Whatever it takes, but it needs to go.

De-construction complete! Construction begins. Consider changing the shape of the room all together.  Add a window or two that opens so natural light and fresh air can enter.

Plan how this renovated space can be redecorated. You alone get to chose how to decorate this room. How will it look? Can you see it now. Feel spacious and fresh?

Take a deep breathe in… and relax into this beautiful space you have created.

Still not sure? Not knowing where to start?

A journal is great. Make some notes. Take a look a the floor plan by walk through your own mental house. Look at all the angles.

Rise up in your mind and look at the house from above. Move around this house easily and naturally. Make it yours again. Own it!

When feelings come up, explore them by writing them down. Yelling them out. Saying these feelings out loud until the energy softens.

If it is too painful? 

2. Shift perspective. Psychology has ways to look at a painful life experience and still feel safe. At all stages, you must recognize that YOU are in charge.

Here are some tips.

  • Look from another persons perspective. Pretend you are your most trusted adviser.
  • Change the house to black and white.
  • Look at your house as if you’re watching a movie.
  • Or imagine yourself up on a high mountain looking down on your house.
  • Maybe you are inside a plane and flying overhead and take a quick look out the window.
  • Maybe there are clouds in the sky and so again the house is harder to see.

Looking through windows into rooms, or separated by distance allows painful experiences to be explored in a safe manner.

  • Awareness
    • Ask yourself, what door did I notice opened today?
    • When did it open?
    • What brought activity/ experience opened this old door?
    • What reaction was there?
    • Did it open as a limitation, a label, or something that encouraged me?
    • Or did this door represent freedom and opportunity?
  • Curiosity is another helper?
    • When your awareness piques your curiosity, encouraging exploration.
Explore the door: Exploration is another step towards releasing pain.

Look and feel the sensations that come into our body when we become aware of what is truly happening.

We can take moment to explore where and when this door came into existence by looking back in our life and notice when this room was built. How it was constructed. Why it needed a door then. Why we no longer need it.

3. Accept, Forgive and let go…

Does the door really exist?

No, it’s simply a metaphor to help us understand how we cope.

Real or imagined, if it is affecting our physical or mental emotional well being it is as solid as any door we can reach out and touch. Because doors interfere with our mental emotional and physical health.

How?

Negative emotions and stress create tension; resulting in a negative biological action within our bodies. So it’s not just a door! High levels of stress or chronic stress can feel as real as a brick that is tied to your leg when your deep at sea. Ever heard someone say; “I feel like I’m drowning”.

This is when bad things happen. It needs to be cut lose!

However, the door is not real. And when your truly ready to accept our situation for what it was. Then maybe you’ll be ready to forgive what happened. Benefit from the release of finally letting someone thing painful go.

Release can be likened to releasing a red balloon into the sky and watching it float away. Remember, the illusion of the door was simply an illusion. The door, like the string. Attached to the red balloon and held firmly in our grasp. It is not until we open our hand that the balloon is released.

And then we watch in amazement. The balloon effortlessly and easy drifts apart from us. Drifting on the invisible breeze until we can no longer see it.

After all, it never really existed.

Now you now know. That you have the power. And you have had the power all along.

So close your eyes and imagine. A life without all these doors. Life lived in freedom and liberation!

Stay well out there.

My name is Adele Anderson and you can reach me at Fulfillyourdestiny.ca. You can reach me for a free 30 minute consult: Adele@yourdestinycoach.ca