Author: Adele Anderson

Struggling Communication, Psychology of Active Listening can help you

human mind - a concept design
Psychology of active listening

Are you struggling with your communication skills? Is it keeping you from gaining a promotion at work or a better quality relationship? Then, the psychology of communication, mind mapping and active listening can really help your cause. Lazy to Active Listening can empower you!

To understand better, some insight into the psychology of mind mapping is needed. We need to understand how our brains mind map and then relate that to our own psychology in order to understand why “Lazy Listening” plays an important role in poor communication.

Lazy listening actually triggers automated mind mapping mechanisms of the Reptilian and Limbic Brains. You’re not in control……hmmm. Danger zone!

Let’s talk about how that happens. You need to understand our 3 different brains and how they process information.
This is empowering!
Humans have 3 brains.

  1. The Reptilian Brain- the reactive (mind mapped) instinctual brain.
  2. The Limbic Brain rests on top of the Reptilian brain. It’s our emotional mind mapping patterns brain.
  3. The Neo-Cortex sits on top the Limbic brain- our rational brain. (Does not fully mature until the age of 7-8 years)
    1. This means our development years are all survival (reactive) and revolves around emotional brain mind mapping patterns. Reactive and emotional neural mind mapping patterns become deeply ingrained prior to our ability to rationalize. Think about that!

So to the point? Why is it important to remove lazy listening from your psychology? Lots of great reasons. Listening is a skill that is a shortage and in demand. People that practice active listening are:

  1. More effective and productive
  2. Have more chances to influence others and gain advancement
  • Develop trust, respect and rapport with others
  1. Are considered better leaders and team members.
  2. Make better customer service representatives
  3. Are persuasive and are better negotiators
  • Avoid misunderstandings

Facts are (Adler, R Rosenfeld L Proctor, R 2001)

  • 70% of our day communicating.
    • 45% Listening
    • 30% Speaking
    • 16% Reading
    • 9% Writing

Listening is not the same are hearing,“I hear ya” But do you really?

Active listening requires effort:

  • Stop talking, don’t think about your rebuttal, make eye contact, focus, remove distraction and prepare yourself to listen.
  • Relax, breathe, put the speaker at ease and give them your attention
    • Nod, gesture, lean inward, make eye contact, paraphrase
  • Empathize, understand their perspective, be open-minded, impartial, suspend judgement, do not jump to conclusions.
  • Listen for ideas, themes, threads of conversation, the story. Watch for non-verbal gestures: facial expressions, body gestures and eye movement. What is not being said is just as important.
  • Listen for tone, emotion, verbal and non-verbal clues.

Listening requires MORE than the sense of hearing.

Barriers to listening:

  • Anxiety
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Impatience
  • Lack of sleep
  • Distraction
  • Short attention span
  • Limbic Brain: emotional pattern recognition
  • Limbic Brain: reactive

Learning how to dis-engage the mind mapping Limbic Brain. Slowing down your thinking processes by active listening allows time for the Neo-Cortex to engage. Allow time to focus on what is being said without engaging your emotional mind mapping pattern recognition process. Breathe, focus, remove distraction and be impartial.

By being impartial you have a better opportunity to detach an emotional mind map pattern of the Limbic brain. It is your choice to attach an emotion to an event or a story. It’s NOT your story. It is THEIR story.

By allowing them to tell their story, without you engaging your personal emotional neural pattern, you will keep your heart rate steady. You will also be able to think with your Neo-cortex brain about what is being said rather than becoming emotionally engaged.

The brain has the capacity to think 600% faster than most people talk. The brain is going a mile-a-minute in the background. While someone else is talking, your brain runs all types of “what-if” scenarios and rebuttals. Examples: “I had the same experiences… let me tell you mine…… let ME talk.” Or you may be thinking about how long till you pick up the kids, or what’s for dinner instead of actively listening to what is being said. Considering you will only retain 25-50% OF WHAT is being said, give it your best shot!

Stop the chatter and learn “active listening” skills. Stop reacting!

When we engage emotionally, we make assumptions, (ingrained emotional neural patterns of the Limbic Brain) judgmental opinions or rebuttals, rather than allowing ourselves to engage in slow, open minded rational thought.

Quick responses are more likely to be reactive or emotionally biased and don’t fare well in any situation. Over-reaction adds stress.

So step back, listen fully, respectfully and respond with an inquisitive mind.

Active Listening TIPS:

  1. I use a little tool: I pinch my thumb and for-finger together, signalling my brain that I am now paying attention to what is being said. I lean in and make eye contact.
    1. It is a small physical signal that sets me into the “mode” of listening. It becomes automated. If you catch yourself drifting, then paraphrase; ‘get back on track; make sure you are following the thread.’

Repeat the pressure of thumb and forefinger, lean in, make eye contact, paraphrase and focus.

  1. Be inquisitive! By being interested, you train your brain to actively listen to what is being said.
  2. By clarifying that you truly understood what is being said, you can engage the brain in a different pattern of thinking, which creates new neural pathways. It shows respect, builds trust and rapport with others.
    1. “I’m curious; are you saying…..” I am not sure I understood, can you give me an example?”
  3. Don’t interrupt! When we become excited or emotionally engaged, we have a tendency to interrupt. You will always learn more by listening than by talking.
  4. Remember, it is not “your” story, it is theirs, so try not to high-jack it!! When you attach an emotion to an event, you make it YOUR story. It is not YOUR story.
    1. An emotional response is simply a recognition of 3 points of a similar story. An emotional patterns, often deeply ingrained in our Limbic Brain before the age of 8, is engaged. As you know, assumptions are quite often wrong, 8 –year- old’s emotional patterns, brought forward by the Limbic brain. These re-occurring emotional patterns can add allot of stress to anyone’s life and stress is not healthy for anyone.
  5. Listen until they have stopped talking and then breathe thoughtfully before you respond. By pausing before responding, you will have their full attention.

These small effective tools will allow your mind to remain calm and all your internal mechanisms will respond in the same manner. When using rational thought processes, we are less likely to engage an emotional response.

Emotional responses are stressors. Learn why it is important for your health not to continually engage stressors and the chemical process that leave your immune responses weakened.

What for my next blog

Xo Adele Anderson 


Unattainable Expectations on women

What does perfection dilemma mean?

Every woman participates in high paced multi-tasking madness on a daily basis and usually does it well, but with dire health consequences.

Women wear multiple identities, engage in multiple roles and are influenced and judged by standards of gender, cultural, social and political norms. This causes stress.

Women attempt to be the perfectly dressed, the impeccably groomed business person, the most supportive daughter, greatest girlfriend, the most romantic, beautiful wife, and nurturing mother. Well read, well studied, intelligent, well-spoken and at the top of the game. Above all that, women are pressured to – in many cases – manage the household, do most of the child rearing, care for the sick and the elderly family members. This adds stress.

From early on in childhood, girls are taught the value of “perfect”. Today, female children are influenced with expletive sexual marketing valuing beauty, with unattainable body images that can later affect self-esteem and engender sexual shame. Female children are taught to denounce assertiveness which helps to promote their own discrimination, male dominance in the workplace and at home. This causes stress.

Why is this all relevant? Because stress is a leading cause for obesity. Because obese women experience fewer opportunities, lower financial rewards and fewer leadership prospects, and this can create more stress. The problem with “perfect” is that it generates a whole host of health problems.

How can we overcome? We need some psychological insight.  Humans have 3 brains: The Reptilian Brain, the reactive instinctual brain; the Limbic Brain rests on top of the Reptilian brain and is our emotional pattern brain; the Neo-Cortex is our rational brain and does not fully mature until the age of 7-8 years. This means our early development years are based on survival (reactive) and emotional patterns. These patterns become deeply ingrained prior to our ability to rationalize. Think about that! And how does this help?

One major health problem for professional women is; due to stress levels the flight fight response engages, this response cascades hormones and chemicals (Adrenalin) through the system, causing increased heart and breathing rates, increased blood pressure. Chronic stress is the front-runner to coronary Heart disease and Heart attacks.

Learning how to dis-engage the Reptilian Brain; by slowing thinking processes down; allows time for the Neo-Cortex to engage, for us to breath, lower our heart rates and think rationally rather than reacting.

The brain has the capacity to think 600% faster than most people talk. The brain is going a mile-a-minute in the background while someone else is talking, running all types of “what-if” scenarios, or thinking about how long till you pick up the kids, or what am I making for dinner instead of actively listening to what is being said.

Stopping the chatter and learning “active listening” skills allow us to choose the brain we want to use most often: the Neo-Cortex so we can relax breath and respond in a thoughtful forward thinking way. Stop reacting!

When we react rather than listen before responding, we have more chance of making assumptions (emotional patterns of the Limbic Brain) or making judgmental opinions, rather than slow open minded rational thought.

Quick responses are more typically reactive or emotionally biased, and don’t fare well in a business context. This adds stress.

So step back, listen fully and respond with an inquisitive mind.

By inquiring, you train your brain to actively listen to what is being said. By clarifying that you truly understood what is being said, you can engage the brain in a different pattern of thinking, which creates new neural pathways.

“I’m curious; are you saying…..”

This single act of will power will allow your mind to remain calm and all your internal mechanisms will respond in the same manner. When using rational thought processes, we are less likely to engage an emotional response.

Attaching an emotional response to an event can be an assumption of the Limbic Brain; our 2nd brain; which processes emotional patterns often deeply ingrained before the age of 8.

And many assumptions are wrong, 8 year old’ emotional patterns, brought forward by the limbic brain, recognizing a beginning of a pattern that can add allot of stress to anyone’s life and stress is not healthy for anyone.

Here are some more stress factors: Why they are important to recognize and how we can overcome.

#2. In democratic countries where free thought and speech are acceptable, social and cultural evolution are making progress on the “pelvic floor” to “glass ceiling.”

My personal coin, I define the “Pelvic Floor” to “Glass Ceiling” reference as the identity of female sexuality and the corporate promotional restrictions experienced by many professional women.

Where sexual behavior and harassment is front and center in daily politics, gender in-equality is being brought forward with “protect pregnancy” movements that will guard professional women’s rights within the workforce. As females are the reproductive forces of humankind, greater pressure for gender equality then becomes part of corporate responsibility.

Corporate concerns of females leaving the workforce to have children help to fuel the inequality of pay and create further stress of job insecurity. Repressive demands with too little control make it even more important in a tight job market, to stay mentally, emotionally and physically fit.

The demands for performance are unavoidable, but your healthy response to these demands is a choice. A rational rather than emotional or reactive response serves you well.

On the surface, the appearance of internal imbalance may be masked, but within the body and mind, the insidious dangers of the unspoken environment are deadly. Anxiety, loss of sleep, depression, obesity…..

How can you start making a difference today? There are classes for meditation, Yoga, keeping a journal; spend an afternoon at the local spa; go running, spinning, sailing; take an annual vacation. It helps, but is it enough if old patterns remain?

Immerse yourself in evolutionary psychology and retrain your brain responses. Learn a different way of thinking. Empower yourself, it’s your life!

Join a group of like-minded women, bond. Build relationships. Discover yourself, honor yourself, heal yourself, empower yourself!

Learn to balance a hectic challenging stressful life. With professional women suffering from high cholesterol levels, obesity, sleeplessness, anxiety and low energy levels and depression, taking care of you, is a “must have” rather than “wish list” responsibility.

Don’t let your health get out of control. Your health is the most important thing you have. Get the support you need.

Why? Fact is, when women look after their needs, their families are healthier, happier and they do better! You benefit, they benefit.

How? Learn a different language, using your brain of choice.

“Take full control of life and enjoy a healthier happier future.”


#1. Learn your Psychology. Move from Survival mode to practicing Evolutionary Psychology; as it can offer you tools instantly.

For example: When we exist in the “fight or Flight mode” we exist in our primordial brain, the Reptilian Brain. There is no cognitive action at this level of thinking. The response is instinctual.

For example: If you were being chased by a Lion, I would say your best course of action, would be to run and run very fast. Your heart would race, you would be sweating, panting, your legs would have the majority of your oxygen and you would run. You would expend a great amount of energy in a small amount of time, in order to make your flight to safety. You would continue to remain hyper vigilant, have a hard time sleeping; thoughts would be dominated with your ability to survive. You would only be able to be present moment; you would not be able to plan your course of action.

If however, you experience this every night almost every week, you are feeling the stressful effects of your life. We need to get you out of Reptilian Brain functioning and reprogram your response with Logic and appropriate action. Reduce the influence of the Reptilian brain, by-pass the emotional (2nd) limbic brain and make new neuro pathways for your logical Neo-cortex brain!

At our course, Evolutionary Psychology is one support tool used to understand the social, cultural or political values we are embedded in and learn where we are in our personal psychology, how we can move beyond and build a workable or exit strategy.

Learn survivor elements of evolutionary Psychology, create personalized tools to re-program your Reptilian and Limbic Brain’s response to events. Be able to choose when to attach an emotion to an event. Become assertive and implement strategies that are practical and sustainable.

Take an empowerment weekend. You will discover your core values, why they are your passion, how core values keep us on track, reduce stress and contribute to a healthy home and why all of this contributes to a healthy body weight and image.

Stay well,

Adele Anderson



Psychology Dysfunctional Families, Under the Surface…

No family is perfect under the surface or would want to be as the desire for perfection could also be considered dysfunction.

The more damaging forms of dysfunction can last a lifetime without having some insight on how to overcome the deeply ingrained patterns.


Dysfunction at its worst can be; controlling of dependents through physical or mental abuse, neglect, harsh criticism, punishment, isolation or hiding “family skeletons”. Dysfunction can also be not allowing a child to play, to act childish, demanding more than what would be typical for their age and development.

For example: A child’s emotional maturity, a baby cries, gets mad and a second later is happy and smiling. A child will learn to control their emotions as their natural psychology evolves. At this stage, emotions are processed through the Limbic or Reptilian brain. This starts the problematic pattern as these brains operate as “emotional Brain” functions.

This is taken into consideration that children under the age of 7-8 do not have a fully developed Neo-Cortex, the rational and reasoning brain. Up until then, the neural pathways are formed through the Emotional Limbic and Reptilian brains.

The “Fight or Flight” Reptilian Brain is automated. No matter what age we are, when it is engaged there is no ability to think. If you are being chased by a Lion, then run. But if you run at the site of a small non-toxic spider then your reaction could be considered as over-functioning and the result of the reactive Reptilian Brain.

The Limbic Brain is a pattern brain. It learns emotional patterns. I have experienced that before; this was the emotional attachment to the event; so I know this emotion is for example: fear, anxiety or danger. After the events of 9-11, I developed a fear of flying. Looking at the root cause I discovered it is not the actually flying that makes my heart race, but the fear of the unknown, the fear of not being in control, not feeling safe, no-where to escape. So the next time I decide to hop on a plane, I need to use my awareness to quiet my racing thoughts and take control of myself through rational thoughts.

The Limbic brain utilizes emotional information from past conditioning so assumptions can be and often are wrong. For example: You have been chased by a lion before and so you have learned to react with panic. You run fast, however this same response of panic may be triggered when any of those neural pathways are triggered. Possibly when you see a spider, your emotion of fear is triggered and so you run! The Limbic Brain takes small trigger points — emotional pattern history — from the initiating experience and then automatically fills in the blanks of future experiences. Your reaction is to not think about the differences, but to run.

The Neo-Cortex is called the “slow thinking” and is the reason why Homo Sapiens have the intellectual ability to rationalize and reason. “Slow Thinking” means it takes a few seconds before the Neo-Cortex begins to “process” so there may be opportunity for the 2 lesser brain functions to interfere the emotional triggers.

When conditions within the home are dysfunctional, the long term consequences of the Reptilian and Limbic brain being continually activated can affect a person throughout their life, unless they learn to reprogram the Limbic Brain and to use the Neo-Cortex Brain.

For example:

Where it all begins is with dysfunction during the primary years of a child’s life. The child first needs to feel physical and emotional safe in his/her environment otherwise he/she will maintain in “survival mode” (Reptilian brain mentality). The basic needs of the child must first be met before any psychological development can happen.

Once their basic physical and emotional needs are maintained, the child starts to form relationships and learns the values of his/her family and other influences within the home. The child within certain dysfunctional families may learn fear and experience emotional instability rather than feelings of security and happiness.

Children need a secure foundation where their basic physical and emotional needs are met in order to have the ability to focus on psychological growth.

Development can also be difficult if a parent or the social culture the child is embedded in has never had the opportunity to explore the different stages of psychological growth. As we progress we may be good at some things but have deficiencies at certain stages.

If the psychological development is incomplete or un-mastered at any stage, the brain will return to the ingrained behavior pattern every time the correct trigger engages the brain. This is where an Evolutionary Coach can help identify the deficiencies, learn to process, master and move on.



  • Psychology affects every aspect of our life, needs, values, relationships at home, work, and community and beyond.
  • The Reptilian Brain: Action Reaction
  • Limbic Brain: Emotional patterns
  • Neo-Cortex: Ration and Reason
  • As we grow up, the needs of our psychological future evolves as psychological growth progresses — as long as the appropriate conditions exist — through the stages of development.
  • Dysfunction and psychological development will be supported or inhibited according to the conditions within the family, the social structure of the community and culture.

If your dysfunctional upbringing is stopping you from completing projects or pursuing your goals, you would do well with Evolutionary Coaching. If You take yourself too serious and judge yourself to harshly, or tend to lie to avoid blame, need allot of assurance, have control issues, or if you are having difficulty in a relationship, in knowing what is normal, Evolutionary Coaching can help. Concerned with passing your dysfunction to your kids?

Dysfunction can span generations, cultures, religions, societies and nations. You’re not alone.

More articles on dysfunction: compulsive or obsessive behavior, substance abuse or addiction will follow.


Adele Anderson

Moms create happy families through communication and values


Families thrive while some moms’ struggle to find the happy balance.

Let’s face it a happy family makes a happy life. But when happiness ebbs, and it will, what strategies will shift the family together rather than apart?


Communication and strong core values will help your family bond. The ability to feel respected, trust each other and openly communicate.


What are core values?

The values you want your kids to have. When we don;t think about it but the ideals that define how you live. How you want them to live.


Ideas like:

  • “Respect your elders”
  • “Treat others how you wish to be treated” (kind, respectful)
  • “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” (eat and play healthy)


Core values become the defining beliefs we live by. When we stray from them we don’t feel good.


Our senses rise up and say, that makes me feel uncomfortable. Why? Because we have done or witnessed something that goes against “how” we behave and live in the world.


Having strong well defined family values set the foundation; of how you wish your children to live and behave within the world.


Core values defines principles for work,


and love

and establishes perspective and importance of traditions,


and ethics,

spiritual and religious ideals for immediate family,

social communities and the world.


When families bond with their core values, they are stronger within themselves as they have a foundation that holds them together through life’s trials.



Being a part of a group is important to all of us as human beings. In evolution being part of a group was essential to survival, hunting and security.


In childhood development; evolutionary psychology: Belonging to a healthy family group

  • The child feels secure
  • Accepted
  • Loved
  • Develops a strong self-esteem.


Children quickly learn the foundation, structure and boundaries.


The child learns that by conforming to family ideals:

  • Phrase
  • Reward
  • Love may be offered


Where straying from family values:

  • May lead to denial of love
  • Denial of affection
  • Punishment.


In the extreme, non-conformity could include exile, separation from the family and sometimes death.


Families can have extremely different values. Core values span generations, linked to culture, religion, and country’s political and social norms.


Some cultural values differ for boys’ verses girls, men verses women. Gender differences  may occur when values are linked to politics and control.

  • Fear
  • Conformity and punishment, can keep entire populations observing the political values defined.


We can see both moderate and extremes within families values in every country. Consider gender equality verses subordination and dominance and the rights of self-determination. Each element can be seen within our communities.


We could consider that political values change much slower than social values, witnessed through revolutions, where people stand up and say; No more”, to tyranny.


According to evolutionary psychology, this model; freedom of expression and communication tends to create a happier family environment.


Family values can evolve and open dialogue can be key in maintaining a strong family bond as it evolves.


Open dialogue allows exploration.

of new ideas outside of traditional family values and can be considered an evolution of psychology if it moves towards a greater good.


Communication can always be an opportunity; through expression, tones, body language, volume and eye contact; to deepen family bonds.


Many of us may have experienced how communication can be misleading when we cannot see expression, as in over the phone or through email or texting.


Communication or lack thereof can quickly devolve a relationship.


Communication is essential to building, maintaining and evolving family values

as family members’ grow as individuals, through education, exposure and diversity expand their views of the world.


Communication is opportunity to explore these new and evolving personal concepts and to develop mutual respect.


Exploring the expanding individualization of the family, honesty, trust and empathy; instilled in early family values; become fundamental to open dialogue.


What is the intention of family communication?
  • To listen
  • Respond with respect and kindness
  • Interest and curiosity
  • The child has a safe environment to express and share thoughts.
  • Listening to understand rather than to respond can reinforce trust and respect within the family.


When trust is a part of family norms, then a parent may be considered a trusted adviser and this is a valuable opportunity for every parent.


On a wider social scale; when respect is both given and received within the family group; the flow of mutual respect into other groups such as school, work and outer social groups and communities can be witnessed.


Respect could be considered a building block of honesty and trust. 


The willingness to forgive others is connected to generosity of spirit, empathy is involved. Generosity in our judgment of others, generosity of time, compassion and thoughtfulness come together and is learned within family values.


When we consider evolutionary growth, curiosity and passion also need to be present; absent of fear, judgment or punishment.


When curiosity is present, families discover things unknown.


Curiosity reciprocated allows ideas to be explored individually and along side of family values. When psychological evolution is encouraged, individualization and creative thought; outside of family values is listened to with an open mind.


Within the exploration of a new idea, there is an opportunity for the family to communicate how they feel about a topic; without judgement; simply by asking curious questions, with respect, love and honesty.


Effective listening skills are integral to family values.


Through listening, the child’s world expands and can be viewed
  • Ideas
  • Hopes
  • Dream
  • Concerns can be discovered.


From an open-mined space happiness thrives
  • Free of ridicule; the child can explore the world in an empowered way, with no fear of open conversation around any theme.


Family groups that allow individual thoughts and discussion, tend to be happier and have stronger bonds.


With themes outside of family values are opened within a family where communication is based “telling” or “demanding” conformity or one sided respect, trust may dissolve within the group and potentially close dialogue within the group.


Possibility of the child separates from the family and trying to join another “group” more aligned to un-discussed ideas. Different and yet they feel like they belong.

Gangs understand the deep desire of belonging.  Indoctrination into gang culture, language, inclusion, tradition and beliefs can attract those who are missing this connection to values. Therefore searching for a place of belonging.


Values and the communication of them can be both empowering or alienating. According to the family dynamics, cultural, political and economic values could be a consideration.


A respectful conversation; around core values; creating core values through discussion. An open, honest environment can be created early. And may go a long way to salvaging the family struggling for survival while fostering a healthy happy family circle.



until we speak in person, stay well



A Well Nourished Brain & Body, Can Color Affect Your Curves?

Healthy eating, exercise and adding supplements when needed can be the healthy choice we can all have access to. Universal obesity prevention in the form of nutrient rich, colorful, complex Carbo-hydrates, lean meats while eliminating cheap processed foods, highly refined Carbo-hydrates and sugar packed foods.

Regardless of the costs, the state of our children’s futures may depend on the choices we make each and every day at the grocery store. Into adulthood, preventable levels of heart disease, stroke, some cancers, and Type-2 Diabetes devastate healthcare dollars. So how can color help our weight loss goals?

One and half orangesDo not leave the grocery store without at least 5 bright colors of fresh produce in your grocery cart. Color is weight loss, simple nutrition in the form of multiple phytonutrients; and the beginnings of good health. We are what we put into our bodies and it is the only home till death do us part.

Respecting what we put into our bodies is critical to our well-being. If you can’t always buy organic then know your clean 15. These are items that have a low pesticide count. There is an order to the level of contamination, so research and know the differences. Does this mean you have to absolutely avoid the dirty dozen, no but you can make choices or buy organic. Fruits and vegetables are always better choices than processed foods.

  • Your “Clean 18”: Asparagus, Avocados. Cabbage, Domestic Cantaloupe, Cauliflower, Eggplant, Grapefruit, Kiwi, Mango, Mushrooms, Onions, Papaya, Sweat peas, Sweet corn, Sweat Potatoes. Pineapple. Watermelon
  • Your Dirty Dozen: Apples. Blueberries, Celery, Cucumber, Grapes, Lettuce, Nectarines, Peaches, Potatoes, Spinach, Strawberries, Sweet bell Peppers

Be aware of product labels and try to choose GMO free produce. That 5 digit product code actually means something and it can help you decide what you choose to buy.

A PLU code: that begins with #8 is genetically modified. A #9 is organic and a #4 is conventionally grown and may or may not be GMO or organic. You can find our more by searching for product label codes.

Most importantly, reduce processed foods from your diet, sugared juices and drinks, high calorie fruit snacks, empty calories of cookies and snack foods.

Healthy eating is easier than you may think. Meal planning can reduce costs at the grocery store; by eliminating purchase of foods that will later rot in the fridge.

Optimize your nutrition; improve mental emotional and physical health by embracing color.

Next sitting… is it the new cigarette?

Until then…

Stay well,




Dopamine Could Be Your Happiness Train, Jump On!


Dopamine Happiness? How does it all work?

Happiness is a choice according to The Science of happiness. Forgiveness, generosity, attitude and positivism all have measurable psychological benefits.

We have all experienced how good it feels to be kind, caring and supportive. The power of surrounding ourselves with other “happy” or positive people verses the negativity we experience in space that brings everyone’s energy down. What is that?

A significant player in the happiness game is; dopamine a brain neuro-receptor; that is responsible for some of the pain/ pleasurable feelings we experience. But it is not all fun and games.

The alter ego of Dopamine neuro-receptors is also present in any addiction process, with feelings of pleasure flooding the brain while engaging in certain activities. High octane exercise, adrenalin sports, drugs, food, sugar, gambling, alcohol, chocolate, cigarettes, caffeine and other addictions like texting can all be contributed to the pleasure responses of the brain.

I know, I hear my internal critic quickly taking over my thoughts. You have that, oh no, you have that too… well not all is lost!

Without Dopamine we have reduced feelings of well-being.

We may experience insomnia, fatigue, loss of concentration, reduced attention span, mood swings, and lower creative ability. More serious, reduced Dopamine levels are noted in Schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s’, ADHD, and Parkinson’s.

Increased levels of Dopamine can be related to competitive and aggressive behavior and increased impulse control and credited for the rise of Homo sapiens on the evolutionary scale. Its’ importance in our systems cannot be underscored. Can we control it or does it control us? Do we have a choice?

Where is the “happy” medium, if Dopamine is part of the reason WHY it is so hard to stop an addictive behavior? When it comes to food, it may be explained by Evolutionary Psychology. Food is a survival response. Evolutionary speaking, humans need food in order to survive, a strong pleasure response to food keeps us desiring more…..we eat, we don’t starve to death.

The fast food industry knows this evolutionary physiological trigger well. Fast food is BIG science, getting the biggest dopamine release to keep us eating and returning for more. Even simple food aromas activate the Dopamine response, and it is causing an epidemic of #obesity which has nothing to do with happiness.

The double whammy? The physiological pleasure response is strengthened each time Dopamine enters the system. It re-enforces the behavior. So can we trick our response mechanism into re-enforcing the behavior we choose? How? Well there is a how to.

Reprogramming the pleasure triggers is an essential part of any recovery process. Being aware and understanding the psychology is essential. Learn how to fill the dopamine voids with other experiences that engages the pleasure response.

Sex, massage, exercise, eating smaller meals more regularly, dance often, practice yoga, & meditation and add certain supplements that enhance Dopamine production. Amino acids from meat and fish sources are beneficial. Try not to get it all in one reading, that creates that overwhelmed stressed out feeling? Chunk your learning, small usable chunks. Prioritize, use your through-time skills, look forward, make a plan, draw it out, scale it out, revise it, contingency, rewards, schedule it, play with it, be consistent, be persistent, change your behavior, find your weight goals and happiness.

According to the Washington University in St. Louis, studies aren’t convinced that Dopamine is the culprit as much as attitude and eating behavior.

My solution is to develop a concrete action plan to manage your mental, emotional and physical health and wellness, and find someone that will help keep you on-track, give you the tools to succeed at weight loss.  Support you in weight goals, hold the space, keep you focused, coaching can help you achieve your goals.

Until then…

Stay well,

Adele Anderson




Lose The Muffin Top

Professional women suffer muffin top frustrations for a variety of reasons. Learn about Muffin Top Frustration and the Mind Body connection of Weight Loss.

As a holistic practitioner for almost two decades, I understand the mind body connection. As a professional woman with 37 years of entrepreneurship, I have struggled with those tenacious extra pounds. What is a mind body connection and how does it relate to weight loss?

The mind clarifies through the words we choose to use to tell our story, any story, the theme, the synonyms, the pronouns; and how we blend them together to form “our” story; all are unique to each of us. And it is a fundamental tool used by holistic practitioners to understand the mind body connection unique to each of us.

By studying language we can truly understand what is happening to us internally. So what is your language saying? IS it positive, hopeless, struggling, despair, determined, fearful, insecure, overwhelmed….

How does any of this relate you your weight and your desire to lose weight? It reduces your stress level, one of the most common causes for people carrying more weight.

Up down struggles with weight can cause misery and stress that can lead to emotional eating and the pattern can be life-long. And losing weight doesn’t solve most of life’s problems does it?

So giving up the blame game and being hard on yourself, it really doesn’t help!

sweet tooth

It may actually be the power of positive thinking combined with ATTITUDE, +++, focus, commitment, personal VALUES, priority, inspiration, short and long term MOTIVATION, capability, time, deadlines, due dates, small steps, reward, CONTINGENCY planning, flexibility, concrete steps, clearly defined direction, DETAILED ACTION, clearly stated goals and your willingness to make it happen.

As you can see now, none of these words say…… diet or exercise, although they do lead to both and more…..

Planning can be the first step, a small step towards take an overwhelming task and “chunking” it into usable manageable baby steps. It’s important to realize one step and one-inch at a time is still a step, a step towards your goal. A manageable step, an important step. Because you are taking ACTION! You have committed to that first tiny step forward.

An “Action Vision Statement or board” can be another one of several tools to chunk information and create a vision for a different future. An Action Vision Board takes the overwhelmed into a realm of potential ACTION. It is another visual tool that moves our thinking into the visual brain, the brain or potential and ACTION!

What is really important here is a VISION without ACTION is simply a dream…………. Action combined with vision makes a positive difference for a specific outcome.

Anything we want to do, or are committed to doing is 90% attitude. We need to understand WHY we want something, and it is not about the weight, it’s goes way  deeper than that……. understanding WHY gives us motivation to complete the task, and motivation is important, as important as Attitude. The WHY is bigger than the “what”

Delving into WHY is the first step in planning anything. “Why is it important to you? Get a clear picture of the real reasons you want to lose weight, this will be your motivating factor.

There may be several reasons. Maybe it is that you want to be a healthy grandmother to a new grandchild? It may be a medical concern: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease. A social injustice: stereotyping, stigma, isolation, discrimination. An event: a wedding, a high school reunion? Is there urgency? How committed are you? What are your “WHYs’?

It’s a life style change, not a short term commitment. Our desire to change must always be greater than the resistance to remain the same.

What else has to change; within you to make it happen?

What else has to shift to make it possible?

Where will resistance be?

What will you do when it shows up?

What is your plan B, Plan C?

What does your ideal day look like?

What does the ideal you look like?

What does the ideal you feel like?

How has it changed your vision of the future?

Why is that vision important?

Are you committed to taking action?


Because without action, it is simply DREAMING…… and the weight remains.

So how do we write all this information down? Why do we write it down? The brain works in certain ways, some visual, some methodical, some unconscious or conscious. We need to learn how the brain takes in information and stores it so it can be accessed when we need it.

We need to chunk. What is chunking? Small bites of information (sorry the pun) Pie charts, wheels, photographs, color, graphs all make chunking more visual

Chunking is fundamental: Visuals are key to moving the thinking pattern into the visual brain. You want Visual brain action!

Repeating the desires outcome, keeps the brain moving forward. Everyday, repeat the same actions, the same verbal ques, the same outcome. Through repetition our brains believe our thoughts to be true, this helps us become what we want on any level, not just for losing weight!

Making concrete steps, by using your positive visual brain, helps you to understand the strong mind body connection; CREATE short, intermediate and long term action Charts that are organized, prioritized, measurable and attainable. Post them so you look at them every day, make adjustments, make it apart of your daily activity, chart your progress.

Have a clear understanding WHY it is important as this will help you to maintain your motivation through any goal you want to achieve.

It’s not about the weight, it is much deeper than that…………… get support, someone to “hold the space” to believe in you and to keep you focused.

Until then

Stay well.

Adele Anderson


Inner Critic Coach Yours

The Critic Within

Is your inner critic giving you the power to create powerful change in your life? Or is it your saboteur?

It’s not all bad, an inner critic can be a powerful motivator; you could possibly get frustrated and become rebellious. I WILL be better, I will rise above that. This is when the inner critic motivates positive change.

Or do you actually agree with your inner critic and it becomes a saboteur that stops you from starting or completing your dreams. You agree with your inner critic; “I know I don’t know enough, I am not capable of that, I really can’t succeed……”

My inner critic went into overdrive; after telling a friend my plan of becoming a coach; my plan for reworking my life, turning my education into something else that would bring greater financial rewards and inner satisfaction.

My friend said in response to my plan; “some people are special.”…….My brain started to fire, I wasn’t really listening anymore. We’ve all been there, the internal dialogue takes over and we are no longer engaged in the conversation.

Of course, at first my inner critic went seeeeee…… I told you so. All of a sudden it was the “me’s” on won side and them… the special ones” on the other side. I was “in”.

Very quickly I could feel internally frustrated, at implying that “I” wasn’t one of those “SPECIAL” people. “I” couldn’t actually make my dream a reality. I felt myself slumping, I was now in the process of  aligning with my inner critic. Maybe “I’m” NOT special? Maybe I can’t do it….. BUT… I rebounded….

I feel special, I think “she’s” special; and I thought, this is how “SHE” feels, this is NOT MY MONKEY, and I thought ………. I will make this happen, not just for “me special” but to show her “she’s special too” we all can be special! When I make my dream happen, maybe she will feel empowered to make her dream happen too. This was the seed.

What was my best chance to make this happen? Engage, commit, take action, Hire a coach, get support, and persist! I will do it!

(Coaching is a fantastic tool to help us achieve our goals. I wasn’t fully aware of this until I engaged in the process myself.)

CRITIC: BUT…….my inner critic said, it’s hard to start up another company, I had done it several times over 30 years and so I know how hard it can be. Did I have the strength to persevere? Did I have any powerful motivator? Yes I did………

Rebound: Adele you’ve been successful before and you will be again! Move it!


Maybe that is what I deserve, living small.

Rebound: You don’t like your situation, THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

EXCUSES: My situation is only temporary, what is temporary or what is this…..a transition time? It’s not so bad, rent is good, lifestyle hasn’t change sooo much.

Rebound: What a pile of CRAP! You don’t feel good about this, you don’t invite friend over for dinner, so how good is it really? Then Change it!

FEAR OF FAILURE: Is my inner critic empowering me through this, or sabotaging me to rise above my glass ceiling? What were the real deeper reasons behind it all. I needed to understand “what” before I could move into “HOW” can I move forward.

Don’t miss out on your BONUS 1 month free, when signing up for our 6 month Coaching package

Feed YOUR Mind save YOUR Soul: Middle Riddle

So what is a middle riddle? With several of my curvy clients, I recognize a genuine kind gentle soul. I often consider that my voluptuous ladies find the world too cruel and so the extra pounds actually represent the separation of the vital organs from the world. A safety-net per say.

Through evolutionary psychology we discover what these feelings of insecurity represent. A child hood self limiting belief that unconsciously drives behavior to become a Dopamine addiction process and  where can we shift perception and find middle ground? Through awareness, knowing thyself and seeking satisfaction and happiness through core values and allowing ourselves to heal.

Core values give us a strong foundation. They are our moral compass, our guiding light our true north. These simple fundamental principles are the secret to happiness, security, feeling purpose and passion in our lives.

When we are missing core value in our lives; or don’t know what they are; we are not often aware of what is driving our behavior, where self limiting beliefs are side-tracking us, quite often we can fall into a Dopamine addiction which means we feed the body when we feel bad or have a bad day.

When things don’t feel right. You made the choice that didn’t make you happy, you felt compromised at work, you went along with the peer pressure…….. when we don’t stand with and live our core values, we are unhappy, and when we are unhappy, we often turn to food. So is your weight, a eating issue or a happiness issue……..

If the world seems cruel, our ancestral brain kicks in; (it pure psychology) and as part of our stress survival strategy, we store fat, add protection inch-by-inch, around our vital organs.

What does this Middle Riddle mean?

Human beings are driven by and can be limited by which “brain” we choose to use. Do you have a choice? YES!

Way back, our ancestral brain played a vital role in our survival, but today……we have been given a tremendous upgrade! The Neo-cortex! We can use our creative brain our cerebral cortex, our visual brain provides problem solving, logic, rationale and the ability to “change our minds”.

We have evolved and survived: Learn psychological evolution. 

So why do we so often lay awake at 2 am, sleepless and think: “I WISH I had said this, or I wish I did that”, oh the angst, the knot in the stomach, the stress.”My gut told me that wasn’t a good choice and yet, I did it anyways…..” Why?

Because our “true North” was not established. Understanding what is really important, knowing our truth, being true to our-self and living and working within our core values is key to the middle riddle.

When we don’t understand this,we turn to one of the things that worked when we felt frustrated or vulnerable and needed to feel cared for, taken care of,  what we received as children. Nurturing the body through food………….. instead of feeding our minds and in-turn nourishing the True North of our soul.


In today’s world I understand human nature and our insecurities. I examine how we protect our feelings, what makes us feel bad about ourselves,  feel unloved……. The pain and hurt of a cruel world.

Psychology plays an important role in the middle Riddle

Psychologically if we feel at risk; outside the herd without protection; a desire to protect our internal organs, the organs that are a necessity to life. We add protection (weight) around our middles, we cross our arms in front of our chests, protect our internal organs…. or ONE inch at a time…Weight gain…..

And do we make those choices literally, probably not, other psychological tricks get in our way. Our impulsive reptilian  and reactive Limbic brain represents “in-time” thinking. The impulsive you, livin’ in the moment you, enjoying life YOU! Nothing wrong in that… until we try on those skinny jeans.

“In time” means we are not looking forward or back at our day, our week, month year….life! There is no perspective! If you would have known those potato chips were going to mean 10 extra pounds, would you have made a different “conscious choice? Living “in-time” without consciousness rather than maintaining Through-time skills of our Neo-cortex.

Think of looking out a window at yourself and your day. You are separate and apart of what you are experiencing. It is a “perspective” that helps us in numerable ways. We stay connected, logical, creative, problem solving and conscious. It is a choice!

So much fun discovering and unraveling mysterious middle riddles.

Each of these 3 clues are part of the answer to the middle riddle of weight gain and loss, solve your personal middle Riddle with Adele supporting professional women not sabotage themselves and keeping the internal critic at bay.



Tantalizing Tidbits: Weight Loss For Professional Women!

So what other ways can we affect the change we want to see in ourselves…..

Break the PATTERN!

Our brains function at tremendous capacity and filter millions of pieces of information every single day. We need to nurture the functions of the brain to help it function optimally. This includes our mental emotional brain.

If brain-fag sets in today, there are a couple simple effective ways to give ourselves a natural boost. Say your positive “I am’s”. Make yourself up 20 or so and anytime you need a brain boost, repeat them throughout the day.

I eat so therefore I am strong.

I am the master of my body and my emotions.

I am creative in my solutions.

I AM’s are Powerful statements and core values to keep you focused on, your goals. Say them daily.

Wake up the brain, feed your soul, rather than feed the body:) A nice walk out side or around the office stirs up our circulation and brings more oxygen to the brain, improves creativity and alertness.

Next time your turning-in and tuning-out to a daydream moment…. take a stroll? A stretch before returning to your work? Call a friend that needs a lift? Listen to your favorite music?

… so let’s continue with a healthy happy brain.

Break the pattern

Re-shaping Weight-Loss through Hydrating!
Another great tip! We are no longer struggling for food and water as the “hunter gatherer ancestors”, so we have forgotten the difference between how we recognize we are thirsty, verse how we recognize if we are hungry! hmmmm, and YES they are closely related, you need to identify which one you are feeling. What is the message your brain is signalling.

Quite often we snack as a form of comfort or because we are thirsty, rather than hungry. Ask yourself, if I were to drink a glass of water before I ever considered reaching for a snack, would that satisfy my urge? And if half the time you were really only THIRSTY, how would that impact you #weight-loss?

Hydration is a significant benefit to many areas of our health including #weight loss.

Think of a pipe filled with gravel and the pipe is slowly filling up over the day. Would it be easier to push the gravel through the pipe or to add lots of water and flush it through. If this is logical to you, then…

1. What are some of the ways I can recognize I am dehydrated and ensure that I stay hydrated?

2. How would I know that I was hydrated?

3. What are some of the ways I can make sure I stay hydrated each and every day?

4. Who do I have to be to make this important change in my life?

Retraining our habits takes consistency and that is where a coach “holds the space” for you to make the changes you would like to see in your life, by creating a strong connection and mind map for living your true self, and finding the happiness and fulfillment that follows. Coaching leads you to powerful transformation, personally, professionally, financially.

Stay well,