Category: Happiness

Worrying interrupts happiness and changes nothing

The stats are that 97% of what we worry about NEVER HAPPENS.

Why do so many of us worry?

It can be mistaken as caring. The brain thinking worry is attached to feelings of caring. And neuroscience teaches us that we worry as a solution to the anxiety we feel!

Sounds strange but the act of worrying is “thinking”. Which turns out to be slightly productive in one sense but dysfunctional over all.

The problem is two-fold. But the basic reality is that the brain becomes misaligned.

  1. Because we think worrying and caring are the same. Our mind believes us. Forever linking caring and worry with the same emotional attachment. It then becomes natural to worry about everything we care about.
  2. Worrying is not a productive solution to the underlying anxiety that has resulted from an event or circumstance in our lives

Worrying and caring are not the same at all. In fact… They are completely different.

Caring: Kind, warm-hearted, tenderness

Verses

Worry: Anxiety, agonizes, fret, stew and torment one self.

 

Why is this important? Because it is not the solution for a deeper more serious underlying problem of anxiety. And worrying is negative physiology (stress) and it contributes to inner unhealthiness and an unhappy state of mind.

What is negative physiology? Our body’s chemical response to the emotions we engage in.

Why else is it important? When engaged in repeatedly, it can become an addictive cycle! Yup, you can become addicted to worrying. Again because of an internal mis-alignment of the brain.

How initially worrying as a solution creates a flush of dopamine that actually makes you feel good about being such a good worrier. But then the worrying becomes a habit. Dopamine no longer flushes. We no longer feel temporarily ok. We just drop into a habit of worrying. An ingrain unconscious response!

But the real truth is that its’ unhealthy and a huge waste of your beautiful day. And would be really really good for you… if it changed.

So how do we change? You need a little shift. A ripple effect that shifts attention from the worry pathway into a new productive and effective neuro-pathway.

How do we begin? Awareness! Notice when you engage in worry. Acknowledge what you are feeling. By identifying the emotion, a cool shift has happened. You have switched brains!

Where before you were “feeling” the emotion inside your Limbic Brain, Now your thinking about what your feeling.

You’ve moved beyond pattern emotional thinking and engages your neo-cortex. Simply and easily by asking yourself what you are really feeling. GO even further, after identify the feeling, write it down. Writing is a cognitive function, engaging your brain again in a positive action while removing attention from “feelings”.

And then, look for a positive alternative to your worry. Find the positive within. What you’ve learned. Experience and wisdom, growth and development. Adaptation and resilience. Being grateful for what is positive.

I am not suggesting ignoring what is, but make a conscious effort to overcome your tendency to worry.

Know the difference between failure and choosing because it affects your happiness

Happiness tip 3 Know the difference between failure and choosing.

Why do so many have difficulty choosing. Well, it could be that choosing is associated with the possibility of failure. And so, choose nothing.

What is choice? An option, or a possible course of action

What is failure? Lack of success or feelings of non-fulfillment.

Why is choice so important?

It moves us. Takes us towards a possible action that creates something we want. Choice is forward momentum, towards success or through failures that arise.

So why do so many have difficulty choosing?

Failure and choosing may sound different but have quite a few similarities.

Both stop many from proceeding. Inside the mind the feelings are similar. A fear of failure and a fear of making the wrong choice, feel the same. Because they both share the emotion, fear.

Why is that important? It creates a pattern of behavior. In many people, the resulting pattern is stagnation. Doing nothing, or not taking the leap at all.

 

And it is OK to have your ducks in a row, but perfection is often overrated. I consider it a dream breaker actually.

WHY? Because I hardly ever hear someone say to me, it’s perfect in every way. No need to improve. It’s absolutely perfect.

Also, perfect is often used as a “future” word.

When it is ever perfect? Maybe there are perfect moments, but our brains don’t work that way. We are constantly searching for ways to improve. Improvement, creativity, invention are all natural phenomena’s of our brain.

But when perfect stops us is the ruminating thought, once I make it perfect. Or when I do this, or when this happens it will be perfect. And so perfect often stops us from taking the action that we need to make DREAMS HAPPEN.

It’s a lot of worrying about things that haven’t happened. So what’s there to worry about? Keep it simple, have faith and take the leap.

If you fall down, think back a few years to when you learned to walk…

How many times do you think you fell? 1000’s maybe even 10s of thousands. But did that stop you? No! Did you not just keep getting up? Until you learned to RUN!

History says that success is built on failures.

And failure is another word for try it a different way. So if your there, right now, lying in the dirt, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the game.

Choice is where dreams are made. So dream big and take the leap.

Or if something is still stopping you from going after your dreams, take a deep breathe, and give me a call, I’ll promise to catch you if you fall. xoxoxA

Happiness tip 1. Journaling can bring you closer to happiness

 

Happiness tip 1

Is something dominating your thoughts today? Try journaling.

It’s not uncommon for us to unconsciously lock ourselves into a loop of unhappiness.

What is a dominating thought?

It could be called ruminating, worry or negativity. And it’s not a good thing. Whenever we are worried or stressed about anything.  The process creates the same internal state as any negative emotion.

Therefore ruminating is considered a negative emotional state. A middle brain process where negative emotions initiate stress chemicals and hormones to flush through our body and brain; creating the physical sensation of worry and stress.

Why is that important to understand?

In limbic brains’ search for a solution to our discomfort, it scans through millions of memories, for a pattern of behavior that was used in the past, to make this emotional state feel better.

Unfortunately the Limbic brains interpretation of today’s event does not have to be correct. It is simply identifying similarities in emotional patterns.

Here’s an example: Did you ever watch Sesame street? Big Bird and 4 pictures would come onto the TV screen and we were asked to identify similarities or differences.

Which if these things is not like the other. Which of these things doesn’t belong. Well the limbic brains search only reveals the similarity of emotions. How we felt about something. But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be anything like today’s situation. And it doesn’t mean that it was productive. In fact, it only means that your minds attempt to make yourself feel better followed a certain routine.

Why does it matter?

Because just maybe that was eating ice-cream! And you are trying to lose weight. Or any habit. Smoking or taking a drink… It could be almost any addiction. Or it could be anger, unhappiness.

Why does this happen?

These are embedded patterns of behavior deep within the mind. Consider it automated unconscious patterns. A sequence of behavior initiated by our brain meant to temporarily soothe these feelings of discontent, anger, frustration.

What happens next? We often notice that not too much later, the feelings of discontent return. Maybe rumination interrupts a good night’s sleep. You may notice yourself having a quick temper, or procrastination as the emotion rises to the surface again, possibly even accelerating the emotion.

What is even worse?

All result in limiting our ability to make good decisions, to be creative or productive. And even more important, it could interfere with your ability to feel happy.

So what is one solution to help return your sense of self and get you on the road and back to happy?

Journaling; but it must be done in a very specific way.

And I hear you say, why journaling? Sounds way too simple? Or maybe your thought is that it would be time consuming?

But how is journaling part of the solution?

Well a few things happen when you journal. It requires your brain to think. Meaning that journaling takes you out of an emotional state. Emotional processes take place within the Limbic brain. This immediately shifts your brain. By completing a task of journaling, you enter a cognitive function. Writing is cognitive process of the Neo-Cortex. Meaning you are no longer in the Limbic brain and that makes all the difference.

It’s like shifting the gears of your car. When you’re in first gear, you’re not in second. And so on.

You see, the Neo-Cortex is where you think, have the ability to rationalize, analyze and be creative.

About how does that help you? You have removed your focus on emotion, therefore lessoning the focus within the emotional limbic brain.

By giving the Neo-cortex a simple action, you have changed the brains.

How? First by identifying the emotion you are feeling. Secondly, writing the identified emotion into your journal. Writing, spelling and organizing our thoughts all require the neo-cortex to process. Thus our emotions lesson, because we are not in a limbic brain process.

How? Imagine a brain to be like a room in your house. When you are in the room, a light is on. When you leave that room, you turn off the light. Entering a different room, you turn on that light.

When the light is on, that is the brain in use.

How can we even understand ourselves at a deeper level?

Identifying not only why; but when; we feel a certain way. When have you felt this way in the past? Are your current feelings related to an old memory, an old event?

If the emotion was the same as an old event, the memory was triggered. When this happens, that emotion is brought forward in your mind. Like taking a book off the book shelf and looking at it. Even though the event can be different, it is your emotion that was the same or similar in some way.

How can you recognize this? Your reaction was swift.

And how can we stop this from happening? Awareness is a beginning of letting the emotion go. By first bringing the emotion forward, it becomes malleable. This is where the deep thinking process begins.

I can take you there, but if you’re still not ready…. Begin to journal. It is a happiness builder. Happiness tip 1: is journaling.

The Happiness Equation author shares his formula for how to be happy

The author of the best-selling book The Happiness Equation wasn’t always as cheerful as he is now.

Neil Pasricha started his daily blog, 1000 Awesome Things, as a form of therapy after going through a painful divorce and having his close friend kill himself. Continue reading The Happiness Equation author shares his formula for how to be happy

Is Your Inner Warrior Forsaken

Practice Warrior Love

When we speak to our inner warrior are we kind?

Or, do we beat up our Inner Warrior, the one that believes in us at all times, unless we tell it not to.

Our inner warrior is an easy target. Self inflicting pain is the way we often chose to hurt ourselves. How often do we recognize that we beat ourselves up, doubt our power, lessen our belief in ourselves. How often. Often.

Why do we do it? When we hurt, we sometimes blame ourselves for the pain we feel. Whether it is loneliness, stress, disappointed love, lose of a job or plane old unhappiness, it is easier to blame ourselves and fall into a pattern of self blame.  Why is it easy to head down the dark side? because, I notice that human beings can be terribly fragile. We are insular when we hurt, we have a difficult time reaching out. And the cycle of fighting our inner warrior becomes a pattern, maybe even a scape goat?

So what is blame all about? Understanding self limiting beliefs that allow us to blame ourselves when things are not perfect in our lives can become a pattern that limits our higher expression of who we want to be, who we are and how much we shine. Possibly blaming our inner warrior keeps us safe from a more powerful expression of greatness. Then we would really have put ourselves on the line and then what, what then if we fall from a greater height.

Beating ourselves up, is another way to say I am afraid of my own greatness. If I keep myself small, I won’t challenge or risk too much. It is safer…. maybe not.

Consider how empowering our self is an elemental key to our success, happiness and enjoying the full richness our our being. Notice when we feel strong and we love our inner warrior how we naturally shine, easily effortlessly and in harmony with our being.

I believe empowering our self is the link to spirit and to our higher connection with all that we hope and dream possible for ourselves.

We are capable of incredible generosity, compassion, empathy, rich and rewarding gifts of service, love and when we gift our inner warrior with our love, many things become possibly.

Love your inner warrior, relentlessly nurture your inner warrior. Find the powerful force that lies within yourself and shine shine shine.

Unlearning regaining personal Power

I love this idea of “unlearning”.

Unlearning could be considered the conscious and subconscious release of old beliefs, outdated beliefs, emotional baggage, or releasing the pain of trauma that no longer serves us. By unlearning we can regain our personal power.

If your psyche accepts the vision of “unlearning” easier than “letting go”… then consciously chose unlearning all the things that you think about yourself; that either drags you down, makes you doubt yourself or that doesn’t serve your best and most powerful self.

We will separate all the “no longer true” from the “true” and change how we feel about ourselves and our future.

If you would like to experience of unlearning and letting go, a new reality then play along.

After you read the plan, then insert your own truths, what you would like to unlearn and what is “no longer true” into your personal story.

You can do this by closing your eyes and picking a location in your mind where you will lovingly place all the things that you “are”, that you know definitively to be true. I am a sister, a loving daughter, a compassionate woman, a passionate NLP trainer.

I visualize each truth as a warm glowing orb. Each one has a bit of a different color, some glow red, others a soft blue. They resonate, a slight soft tone, a noticeable vibration.

I reach out to other areas of my mind; I select one truth at a time; in my minds’ eye. I feel the weight of it, the slight vibration and tone that emanates from each truth. I place each one of my truths into my hands and roll them around, looking at them from every angle as I carry it carefully to my “truth box”. I witness myself easily walking through the corridors of my mind and naturally finding the room in my mind where my truth box is.

I walk over to my Truth box, I can’t wait to look inside, I feel my excitement. I can now see inside my truth box and as I let my gaze pass around the interior, it expands and becomes a huge magnificent room. I can walk inside here.

As I enter this room in my mind, I become aware how vast this room in my mind is, it feels unlimited expansive, each time I place my truths into it, the air seems to glows and the room expands a little more.  I can tell it is unlimitied.

I can actually feel the love in this room, it is, I understand my love for myself. The room itself glows with all my truth and potential. I feel at peace and excited at the same time, I feel the rooms’ powerful magnetic pull and I realize that I can easily walk around inside this room and visit all the beautiful truths that reside here.

I become aware that it is like the most magnificent library I have ever seen. Shelves line the walls and fill the space; there are already so many things already in there, things that I had somehow forgotten, like all the wonderful things I have already learned, accomplishments, great memories of my past, and milestones from years gone past.

Just being in here in my truth makes me feel powerful, I feel so proud of my truths and take a deep easy breathe feeling my chest expand and relax. It feels like home.

I continue to bring truths into my room and notice the space expands and glows brighter with each item I add. I also notice that each time I place a truth in my box, I hear the song a beautiful little bird singing, I feel the warmth of my love for all these things that are me. I breathe in the sweet smell that permeates the space and feel my body relax. I feel most relaxed and at ease.

I start to feel the unlimited nature of myself. I decide I will add more, because I can and I am these things that I have forgotten. Adding courage, resilience, power, compassion, passion, and as I continue to add more, I am I expanding myself. Adding more.. I am a constant learner, excited about the future +++, and I now I can feel it, I can breathe in all my truths.

I take a few minutes to wonder through the room, reach out as I pass each of my truths. I notice each time I reach towards my truth, they begin to glow a brilliant warm light, they seem to illuminate, vibrate and I hear them almost like they are singing with joy. I feel their warmth, the lightest touch to my face, my body and my heart. And now, because I have experienced my truths again, I feel at peace, powerful, safe and ready to unlearn the things that I will leave behind.

But as I leave this room for a short time, I will always remember where this room is and that I can visit it anytime I want. It is my personal room, built all for me and I am welcome anytime. I also keep this room open and promise myself to keep adding truths and to use this room as my safe haven.

Now it is time to create another box, in a different location in my mind. This box will represent the things that I no longer am.

I notice as I construct this box that it feels uncomfortable here, it’s darker, the light doesn’t reflect with me, It feels separate from myself.

I feel a bit of a knot in my stomach, anxiety, self-doubt… will I make the box right, can I do this? I definitely don’t like it here, my chest feel tight, I feel my palms are hot and sweat a little. It’s damp and musty and cobwebs cling to the corners of this box. Dark things seem to lurk at the edges watching me, judging my progress. It feels a bit sticky around the box and smells more sour than musky.

I will do this quickly, my truths are lighting the way. My truths have told me and I have the inner strength to unlearn all this garbage that I have picked up along life’s road. I am ready… I can go to my Truth room; in my mind, whenever I need their strength.

I have decided. I am going to fill this big black box with all the things that are no longer true or things that I need to unlearn. Afterwards, I will naturally and effortlessly walk away from this place.

The first thing I notice is how easy it is to drop all that is heavy, sad, painful and unhappy. It is time; I may have realized that for a long time. I know now that they really have no life of their own… so I happily drop them into the box.

I realize now that untruths cannot animate without my power. Untruths are dead weight, lifeless nothingness. With this new awareness I know I will never give an untruth life again.

In my mind, I quickly gather all the untrue things together, some are just old clutter, others limp lifeless, sticky smelly perceptions of has never been true.

Easy… I no longer drive a Jeep, clunk… it hits the bottom of the box. I no longer live in Vancouver, clunk… a spa owner … clunk, faster now, own a horse.

Deeper; fear of flying, overweight, I peek over the edge and watch them drop into the abyss of the box.

I notice that each lifeless untruth seems to disappear into a bottomless black hole, disappearing beyond my awareness. I seem to forget them as soon as they drop in.

This is empowering, I grab several untruths, the ones that seems tough,

  • self-doubt
  • indecision

.. and this time I throw them deep into the bottom of the box, I smile as I hear them dropping into the pit. They disappear in blackness into the nothingness and now, I realize that is their nature. ..

Untruths are not tough, they are “UN”, they are do not exist, powerless, lifeless …

….this is starting to feel good, I continue getting rid of the crap that holds me back, the untruths that I need to unlearn. Here I go…

  • Gaining Wealth is difficult… Done.
  • I don’t deserve… swoosh I throw it harder. Gone.
  • I’m not good enough. Gone.
  • I’m not pretty enough. Gone.
  • I am not thin enough. Gone.

All of my untruths effortlessly falling into the black abyss of the box…at times I hear them crash against the walls. I listen as they loudly explode into smithereens somewhere beyond my vision.. More…

I hear fears’ painful cry as its’ fiery red ball implodes into nothingness.

I am charged now! I am really feeling smooth texture of empowerment.

I realize I have more power, more options, and I begin to see the fog clear, a new greater perception is beginning to appear.

Now that I am aware of my power and I see the limited lifeless nature of my untruths, they instantly begin to be sucked into the black box… all by themselves. It takes none of my effort, it’s effortless.

As this happens, I feel my body and mind are naturally feeling lighter, the weight of fatigue lifts, self-criticism disappears, and self-doubt tries to grad my arm but get sucked away. I watch them magnetically being sucked through the corridors of my mind, quickly vanishing into the box and beyond nothingness.

My untruths are pulled by themselves now, effortlessly. I just have to notice them, as simple as that. They all appear to have a certain polarity, seem unstable, a bit of a wobble and kind of stick together. It seems to be their nature.

As I continue to search for the more hidden untruths, the ones that haven’t left yet, I realize when I find them that they are becoming more unstable and maybe a bit transparent, they are losing their shape, I can’t make out what I used to think they were. Without my power, they lose their form, become nothing.

I notice how easy it is now, by simply bringing my attention to any untruth, they get sucked into the abyss.

I notice now, I no longer feel uncomfortable here, this is also my place of power, the room has become brighter, the floor stable and smooth. The air is clearer. My stomach feels relaxed, hungry for more truth and my shoulder strong and square. My mind feels clear and I can hear the sound of music and laughter from happy memories. I know my truth is much stronger now and it is starting to fill up many of the rooms in my mind.

I start to feel my excitement, uplifted, lighter, and I taste my freedom. My mind feels expansive, open and receptive to new ideas. I hear the un-limitedness in my thinking now, am visualizing opportunities beyond where I was allowing myself to notice before. But now I see them, waiting there for me, natural unlimited opportunities.

I feel confident in ridding myself from untruths, like a detective I easily find them, how quickly I can make this happen!

I understand that at times, a new untruth may enter my mind, but now I have the awareness that they have no power of their own, and I naturally repel them, they cannot stay here.

This knowledge is my truth! All of a sudden start to see my untruth box begin to implode. It is sucking any and all untruths from my mind, dissolving them back into nothingness.

I lean inward and notice now, there is just a big black hole left in the place where the untruth box was and it has a powerful pull. It has my power, the power of my truth energizing it.

I hear cheering, rise out of my truths. As the last of the untruth turns to nothingness, my see my truth room glow brighter, stronger and their energy empowers me.

I realize now that my truth is my shield, my true self! I feel the warm glow everywhere, permeating every cell, flushing through my bones, muscles, tendons; my truth runs in my blood, it is a natural part of me. I feel my truth expand, its strength flow all around me, a powerful shield, protecting me, repelling untruths.

I will decide right now that whenever I feel that uncomfortable pull of an untruth, all I have to do, is lightly bring attention to it and it will be sucked into the black hole, sucked naturally and easily into the black hole and into nothingness.

I have the power; it is MY mind after all!

I have a choice and I chose personal power.

With my new awareness, I briefly visit my TRUTH room, and take a deep breath and know and feel grateful for all my truth. It really is what sets me free.

Now, I realize that I can take this knowledge into the future and move beyond any untruth that may have been holding me back.

I know without a doubt that I will continue to nurture and grow my truths and I relax in this knowledge.

 

Now… Just take a moment to accept this too as my truth….

 

Lots of love

Adele

Moms create happy families through communication and values

 

Families thrive while some moms’ struggle to find the happy balance.

Let’s face it a happy family makes a happy life. But when happiness ebbs, and it will, what strategies will shift the family together rather than apart?

 

Communication and strong core values will help your family bond. The ability to feel respected, trust each other and openly communicate.

 

What are core values?

The values you want your kids to have. When we don;t think about it but the ideals that define how you live. How you want them to live.

 

Ideas like:

  • “Respect your elders”
  • “Treat others how you wish to be treated” (kind, respectful)
  • “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” (eat and play healthy)

 

Core values become the defining beliefs we live by. When we stray from them we don’t feel good.

 

Our senses rise up and say, that makes me feel uncomfortable. Why? Because we have done or witnessed something that goes against “how” we behave and live in the world.

 

Having strong well defined family values set the foundation; of how you wish your children to live and behave within the world.

 

Core values defines principles for work,

play

and love

and establishes perspective and importance of traditions,

morals

and ethics,

spiritual and religious ideals for immediate family,

social communities and the world.

 

When families bond with their core values, they are stronger within themselves as they have a foundation that holds them together through life’s trials.

 

 

Being a part of a group is important to all of us as human beings. In evolution being part of a group was essential to survival, hunting and security.

 

In childhood development; evolutionary psychology: Belonging to a healthy family group

  • The child feels secure
  • Accepted
  • Loved
  • Develops a strong self-esteem.

 

Children quickly learn the foundation, structure and boundaries.

 

The child learns that by conforming to family ideals:

  • Phrase
  • Reward
  • Love may be offered

 

Where straying from family values:

  • May lead to denial of love
  • Denial of affection
  • Punishment.

 

In the extreme, non-conformity could include exile, separation from the family and sometimes death.

 

Families can have extremely different values. Core values span generations, linked to culture, religion, and country’s political and social norms.

 

Some cultural values differ for boys’ verses girls, men verses women. Gender differences  may occur when values are linked to politics and control.

  • Fear
  • Conformity and punishment, can keep entire populations observing the political values defined.

 

We can see both moderate and extremes within families values in every country. Consider gender equality verses subordination and dominance and the rights of self-determination. Each element can be seen within our communities.

 

We could consider that political values change much slower than social values, witnessed through revolutions, where people stand up and say; No more”, to tyranny.

 

According to evolutionary psychology, this model; freedom of expression and communication tends to create a happier family environment.

 

Family values can evolve and open dialogue can be key in maintaining a strong family bond as it evolves.

 

Open dialogue allows exploration.

of new ideas outside of traditional family values and can be considered an evolution of psychology if it moves towards a greater good.

 

Communication can always be an opportunity; through expression, tones, body language, volume and eye contact; to deepen family bonds.

 

Many of us may have experienced how communication can be misleading when we cannot see expression, as in over the phone or through email or texting.

 

Communication or lack thereof can quickly devolve a relationship.

 

Communication is essential to building, maintaining and evolving family values

as family members’ grow as individuals, through education, exposure and diversity expand their views of the world.

 

Communication is opportunity to explore these new and evolving personal concepts and to develop mutual respect.

 

Exploring the expanding individualization of the family, honesty, trust and empathy; instilled in early family values; become fundamental to open dialogue.

 

What is the intention of family communication?
  • To listen
  • Respond with respect and kindness
  • Interest and curiosity
  • The child has a safe environment to express and share thoughts.
  • Listening to understand rather than to respond can reinforce trust and respect within the family.

 

When trust is a part of family norms, then a parent may be considered a trusted adviser and this is a valuable opportunity for every parent.

 

On a wider social scale; when respect is both given and received within the family group; the flow of mutual respect into other groups such as school, work and outer social groups and communities can be witnessed.

 

Respect could be considered a building block of honesty and trust. 

 

The willingness to forgive others is connected to generosity of spirit, empathy is involved. Generosity in our judgment of others, generosity of time, compassion and thoughtfulness come together and is learned within family values.

 

When we consider evolutionary growth, curiosity and passion also need to be present; absent of fear, judgment or punishment.

 

When curiosity is present, families discover things unknown.

 

Curiosity reciprocated allows ideas to be explored individually and along side of family values. When psychological evolution is encouraged, individualization and creative thought; outside of family values is listened to with an open mind.

 

Within the exploration of a new idea, there is an opportunity for the family to communicate how they feel about a topic; without judgement; simply by asking curious questions, with respect, love and honesty.

 

Effective listening skills are integral to family values.

 

Through listening, the child’s world expands and can be viewed
  • Ideas
  • Hopes
  • Dream
  • Concerns can be discovered.

 

From an open-mined space happiness thrives
  • Free of ridicule; the child can explore the world in an empowered way, with no fear of open conversation around any theme.

 

Family groups that allow individual thoughts and discussion, tend to be happier and have stronger bonds.

 

With themes outside of family values are opened within a family where communication is based “telling” or “demanding” conformity or one sided respect, trust may dissolve within the group and potentially close dialogue within the group.

 

Possibility of the child separates from the family and trying to join another “group” more aligned to un-discussed ideas. Different and yet they feel like they belong.

Gangs understand the deep desire of belonging.  Indoctrination into gang culture, language, inclusion, tradition and beliefs can attract those who are missing this connection to values. Therefore searching for a place of belonging.

 

Values and the communication of them can be both empowering or alienating. According to the family dynamics, cultural, political and economic values could be a consideration.

 

A respectful conversation; around core values; creating core values through discussion. An open, honest environment can be created early. And may go a long way to salvaging the family struggling for survival while fostering a healthy happy family circle.

 

 

until we speak in person, stay well

xo

Adele