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Possibility creates worry and anxiety?

Possibility can be GREAT or not so great.

Maybe not what you considered, but “possibility” simply is something that could or could not happen. And that makes possibility the unknown.

When life choices fall into the unknown, they may create worry and worry creates anxiety.

Part of the problem lay in the many choices we face. And you say well choice is good right? And I say for sure. But think of it this way.

Many find making a decision difficult. And the more times it is difficult makes the next decision possibly difficult?

Why? It’s like training the dog.

we repeat repeat repeat and then the doggie gets it. And we reward them. But in mind science we often don’t consider training.

We train for a marathon. But do we often train our mind for the bigger marathon of life!

Train for decision making?

And when we don’t we feel shaky. As in nervous, shakin’ in our boots shaky. Why because having a difficult time choosing puts our mind in limbo. And we don’t do “limbo” well. It stand in the class of not being in control, or even perceived control.

Psychology states we must at least have the semblance of control, even if it perceived. (meaning not necessarily true). So even the attempt at decisions making makes us feel better.

And the facts are, making a choice typically doesn’t have to be fatal. (unless up the creek without a paddle) Or skydiving without a para-shoot.

Turns out making any decision is better; for our mind; than making no decision at all.

Three things happen.

  1. Decisions are goal setters. Gives us purpose and intention. Maybe the move doesn’t take us exactly where we want to go. Doesn’t mean we won’t come to a cross-road. There we change course, by making another choice.
    1. But we learned where that road lead. So it was helpful even though it wasn’t the best choice.
    2. Our minds felt more in control of our situation.
  2. If you look at the pic. It shows possibilities. That’s a lot for our minds to think about. So much information to gather on each possibility. The energy expended when we fail to make a decision is mind boggling. It creates stress! The result in loss of clarity, inefficient and stuck.
  3. The mind becomes trained. To make decisions and choice, rather than stagnate. A decisive mind holds less worry, anxiety and stress.

Start small

Small and unquestionable stuff. We begin with socks and underwear.

Socks. What socks are you going to put on today.

Underwear: What underwear are you going to put on.

Then we graduate: Lunch. Choose you lunch.

Each time a choice is made, your mind strengthens. So what’s next?

You choose. Today’s exercise, a weekend plan or laundry.

Like all “exercises, we build expertise. before long decisive decisions will feel natural and easy.

Stay well out there.

I’m here if you are wanting to fast track your training. I’m reachable below

xoxo Adele

Investing in Your life for Balance and Fullfillment

Investing In Your Life For Balance and Fulfillment

Author: Jane Sandwood

Life moves at breakneck speed, often leaving us feeling overwhelmed and defeated. We all have the power within ourselves to find balance in life and to live without regrets. These are a direct result of living life in a way that is out of balance and unfocused. Luckily, the desire for peace of mind and the notion of living a balanced life is becoming increasingly important, leading people to desire harmony between all the elements that form part of a fulfilling life.

By making an investment in certain aspects of life, our lives will be healthy, balanced and fruitful. There is no point in living a life with certain parts flourishing while others fade away. Intelligence is futile when your health is dwindling just as how there is no point to having a successful career if you can’t maintain positive interpersonal relationships. We need to do everything in our power to lead healthy, balanced lives in order to be truly happy and well-adjusted in our modern times.

Spiritual well-being

This part of your life is concerned with your values, the principles you choose to follow and your conscience. It also addresses how you comprehend the perception of a higher being. It is important to invest time in developing your spirituality and you can achieve this by meditating, engaging in activities that will spread your beliefs among others and assembling with like-minded people.

Our bodies

Our bodies are the vessels in which our souls reside and it is very important to keep them in good shape. Disease and injury can both ravage the body and cause death if not treated timeously. Both time and money should be invested in maintaining your body’s health and well-being and can be achieved by following a healthy diet and exercising regularly.

Our relationships

Relationships are a very important part of our lives and include all our bonds with friends, family members, colleagues and mentors. Relationships can either be physical, emotional or a combination of the two. It is important to invest time and money into your relationships as the people around you can be your rocks of support during trying times, consoling us and helping restore balance and joy to our lives. Our relationships are a part of our lives deserving our unrelenting, focused attention.

Our minds

Our minds are our seats of intelligence, with us governing it to produce ideas and thoughts. The modern world is advancing at a tremendous speed, necessitating us to learn new things and retain the information. It is of vital importance to invest in our minds to enrich them as much as possible.

Spend some time meditating, invest in a class or complete puzzles to make your brain fire faster. Engaging in these activities regularly will lead to an increase in mental capability and an overall better quality of life.
Each part of our lives is of importance and contributes to a holistically healthy and balanced lifestyle. If one part of our beings is neglected the others will not be able to thrive. If you do, however pay equal attention to all of them you will be able to live a perfectly balanced life.

Contributing writer
Jane Sandwood

We never regret investing in ourselves. The reward is balance and fulfillment

Are you Bringing or Searching?

Are you searching for purpose or bringing happiness into your life?

When we desire anything, the words we use become important. Searching may change the results we get.

Psychology and now neuroscience believes that words, like thoughts are powerful mind tools. Both can empower or deny our success.

Create the life you desire, by understanding thoughts and words as tools.

Bringing and searching defined.

Bringing: To guide. To lead, catch or conduct.

Searching: Look for something lost or missing

By exploring words, differences emerge.

Searching indicates sourcing information externally. An unknown factor. Where, When and how?

Our brains are not comfortable with unknowns. Unknowns are fear based. Fear based thoughts and words release stress chemicals and hormones.

Bringing suggests accessible inner wisdom. Confidence, assurance. Knowing another person can bring the required information. Our brain releases healthy and happy hormones.

Why is it important to use thoughts and words as mind tools?

Thoughts and words link body mind and soul. Psychology says we are what we think. We become what we think.

How?  Thoughts reflect our perception.  Perception form beliefs: expansive or restrictive. Beliefs initiate behavior: good or bad. Behavior motivates action: positive or negative.

Thoughts initiate biology, healthy or unhealthy.

How? Thoughts are based on either love or fear.

Love based thoughts are healing. Enhance our immune system. Increases our ability to fight disease. Makes us feel happy. Hope, resilience, creative, cooperative, connected and content.

Each fear based thoughts impair immunity for 6-8 hours. It feels like stress, anxiety, restlessness, sleeplessness. Engages Flight Fright response, disconnection, dis-satisfaction, loneliness.  Thinking becomes foggy. We search for something to grasp.

How can we learn to be conscious of our thoughts and words?

First ask yourself:

What do I want? 

The process is one of looking inward. Quieting the mind.  Bringing inner wisdom forward.

Meditation, a Journal, introspection, mindful activities all offer insight.

Why is it important?

While exploring “what”. It is important to understand “why”. Without “why”. “What” is meaningless. The power lies in “why”.

Reflect on the importance of “why”. Ask yourself.

  1. Is what I am asking for, based in fear or love.
  2. Do you feel excited?
  3. Does your answer lead to a first action step

The answer remains illusive?

No problem. More deep thinking is required. A process I call The Contentment Method. Part of the Contentment Method involves exploring emotions. Self limiting beliefs,  self-destructive loops, absolutes and linguistic stops become illuminated.

Emotions bring forth the wisdom stored within your mind
  • Your mind is filled with well-traveled paths. Emotional pathways.
  • Identify the pattern within your mind.
  • Create a road map.
    • Take out your journal.
    • Create a mental road map.
    • Different paths and trails that all lead to one emotion.
  • Notice the feelings. Each path as slightly different.
    • Explore.
    • Peek into each one. Listen for their secrets. Hear the echo of your past.
  • Each time you recognize an emotion rise into your consciousness.
    • Take a colored pencil.
    • Write this emotion along the side of this road.
    • Say it out loud
    • Say it louder
    • How does it feel
    • Where in your body do you feel it
    • Is it love or is it fear
    • What color is it?
    • Know it
    • What does it look like?
    • Is there a sound associated with it?
    • Have you noticed how this emotion gets triggered.
    • Is this path old?
    • Write your age next to this path.

If needed, repeat the steps above.

Deep think each path you have drawn.

Take a deep breathe in. Exhale. Deep think. Move instinctively towards the memory you wish to retrieve.

A metaphor can open a doorway into your mind

A metaphor of a door can create happiness.

What does a metaphor about a door have to do with our Psyche? Psychology states that our subconscious mind understands and used metaphoric language. So when we want to change the inner workings of our subconscious mind. A metaphor can be an important part of the solution.

What is a metaphor?

Metaphor: Something that is not really true or realistic. Used to describe a circumstance. Has no relationship to time or space.

Example: “That nearly killed me! Really? Not really, only metaphorically. Or understanding a dream. A steep mountain may be a metaphor for a big challenge ahead! Can be both positive or negative.

What it is not: Literal.

Why use a door as a Metaphor?

Because a door has common well-known characteristics.

  • A door is hard
  • Closes off a room.
  • Provide a barrier
  • We can’t see through it, (but we could add a window)
  • Maybe we can hear/ but partially impairs communication
  • Feeling resistance when closed, yet swings open easily
  • Notice the difference. A small child trying to open a door. Or youself. Easy or hard.
  • Recognize when and where you feel locked out.
  • Open door policy/ closed door policy
  • In or out
  • A door may keep the room inside invisible, protected
  • Keeps our houses safe.
  • It can be the access to a beautiful space where anything is possible.

Doors can have multiple connotations. Fear or love. Which does it represent to you?

Why are metaphors used in Psychology?

Psychologists understand that the subconscious mind loves metaphors. Loves stories. Metaphors give us a inside feel to a story. The subconscious mind communicates differently from our conscious mind. It uses symbolism. The feelings that arise from the images. The feeling that a metaphor may also remind us of.

I am using a door as a metaphor to create a story. One to help us understand a bit about our mind.

In psychology, a door could represent something we do not want to look at. To something that may be hidden. Whatever it is, whether it is locked behind a door or not. It could still be interfering with your happiness.

It could be mental emotional trauma, emotional baggage or outdated beliefs. Then we can visualize certain doors inside our mind. Where something unpleasant can be locked behind. But it is still there…

Why does it become locked behind a door? Self preservation. Not wanting to deal with the emotional pain of an event.

So why it is there at all? If we don’t want to remember it? Because our brains must process every thought. Our brains must try to make sense of the thought. To understand it. Or at least try to. The thought must be analyzed for sensations, feelings and emotion. Connecting with other similar past emotions. Then it is categorized and filed. Into either our short or long term memory. Whether we want them there or not.

Why do these old negative memories still affect us today?

Each time we think of this negative experience. Or have a new experience that brings up a matching emotions. This memory is brought forward into our conscious mind. We have an opportunity!

SOLUTION: To change the pattern. When a memory has been brought forward, it becomes malleable. This is our opportunity to change it. But do we? Not usually.

What typically happens is we take the “low road”. “Reacting” out of context with the current situation. The result, we re-enforce the memory. Imagine “reacting” to be similar to paving an old dirt road. That memory, like the newly paved road becomes easier to travel.

If we think of our memory as a road map. The road map contains all the places we have traveled. Every time we think, feel or get reminded by something else, about a location, we recall that memory. Like taking a library book out of the bookshelf and looking at it. It is up close when it moves into our conscious mind.

Once it is in our conscious mind. We have an opportunity to work with it. Like a writer, who edits their book. rewriting passages to smooth them out, or changing them entirely. Altering the past in some way. But that is only when we choose to actively edit our memory.

If we don’t change it? We allow an unpleasant past memory to affect our present. By not changing the memory, we reinforce the negative experience. As you know now, similar to paving a road. The paving makes it easier to travel next time. The cool thing is, we were never meant to suffer from our past.

Every day we have an opportunity to take charge and create thoughts and memories to enhance our lives. Empower our dreams and stimulate happiness.

The first step is awareness

Then action.

Why does our brain create a road map?

Our conscious BIG brain is our slow but rational brain. It takes time to reach a conclusion. The subconscious brain is very fast. It can process thoughts in a nano second. So we can react quickly.

Within the subconscious. There is the Limbic Brain. It is our Limbic brains job to give today’s emotional experience a quick understanding. It does this by linking similar emotions and feelings of today’s experience with yesterdays experiences. Why? So our Limbic brain can make a quick decision. Together with the Reptilian brain; they decide if today’s experience safe or is it not.

The Limbic brain served a great purpose 2000 years ago, when danger lurked outside our cave.

The problem is, today’s world is so much more complex. The Limbic brain links similar emotions. But makes mistakes. 80% of the time, the “Limbic” brain is wrong. And we react like there is danger outside our cave.

Why does the Limbic Brain make mistakes?

Imagine a hurricane. It chaotic. Loud. Dangerous. Stressful.

Now consider a painful experience. Or a trauma. Both create stress. It doesn’t matter that one is a hurricane and the other a painful experience. The Limbic brain links memories of stress. Sending a signal to the Reptilian brain. And we react.

Why do we react when the memory is supposed to be in lock-down?

Locking our emotions behind a door simply means we are ignoring it. This act tells our brain not to find a solution. The truth is, we know that it is never truly locked away. We now understand that emotional distress can affect ones life for a life time. If we let it.

How do we see it in people’s lives? Addiction. Patterns of abuse or self-destructive behavior. There are all kinds of ways. For us to try to stop the pain. We “suppress it”, ” numb it, drink it away, dope it away, do anything to ignore it”. And in the end? All are futile attempts.

Many of us known the futility in our actions. The pain never goes away. Because the healing process has never been addressed. The trauma remains locked. Behind a door within our mind.

Let’s look at our metaphor in a broader sense.

Imagine we each have a house that is our mind. This house is always under renovation.

Take a peak at the house within your mind. Notice how many rooms there are. The rooms are filed with life experiences. You can feel the emotion attached to each room.

Take notice of the differences in each room. Ranges of tone and color, whispers, or music. Inhale the scent of each room. Each room feels unique.

Looking deeper. Into bright cheerful rooms. Relaxed rooms with fresh air. Then there are other rooms. A small number we avoid. Dark stained doors.  Some with door knobs. Other where doors hang. Haphazardly from their hinges. A few nailed shut. But awful odors still ooze under the threshold.

These are the doors that feel ominous. We keep far away from these doors. Yet we can’t ignore them.

Facts are. The house is yours. You’ve built every room. Made the door. And know what is inside. So why are we so afraid?

What is this FEAR thing?

And then we realize. If we built this room. Put this door in. We CAN TEAR IT DOWN! We are actually in charge here. Not fear.

Why not leave it? Because living in fear is stress. It’s unhealthy.

The way we think about our house. About each room that we have built. Is a direct reflection of our mental, emotional and physical health.

If it is so bad for us, why can’t we just forget? It’s not about forgetting. (it’s coming) We wouldn’t have a very good mind if we could forget! Our minds are magnificent!

Olfactory example: Close your eyes and recall the delicious aroma of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. (Did you just take a deep breathe through your nose?) Quite possibly we took a deep breathe in because our sense of smell engaged with the memory of freshly baked cookies and instantly opened this doorway in our mind. Our senses remember the smell and all the good memories that come with cookies! We instantly feel good.

If it is a pleasant experience. Like the smell of home baked goodies All is well.

So that explains how feelings of stress can instantly open doorways.

Stress is like a giant “key”. It unlocks almost every door where a stressful situation has been locked away. And when stress opens a door. Typically we react badly. Often greatly magnified. Disproportionate from our current experience.

Reactions can have devastating consequence in many situations.

Magnified reactions can result in a loss of a job Even end a relationship or a friendship. Our reactions often hurt us . Again and again.

So what’s the solutions?

Here are 3.

  1. Housekeeping services!

Clean up our house.

How? Lets consider a metaphor of housekeeping. Every week we take time to wash our cloths and change the linen on our bed. We vacuum, sweep and mow the lawn. What ever it takes to make our home feel cared for and loved. A clean house feels good.

So what’s so different about cleaning up our minds?

A little perception shift. Mental housekeeping needs normalizing. And as necessary as taking out the trash. Some jobs are easier than others, some require a renovation!

Removing trauma can be likened to remodeling a house. We can do a little renovation. One room at a time. Or take it back to the frame. Begin fresh!

We may want to protect and expand rooms. Ones full of pleasure. Make more room. By getting rid of the clutter. Some rooms may be removed all together.

In order to renovate, typically you need a plan.

A good plan and the right tools. If you’ve never renovated, maybe hire someone that knows what they are doing.

Some support helps. You direct, but someone takes the debris away or helps you build a new room.

With any renovations, whether it’s one room or the entire house. Sooner or later that door needs to be broken down, the walls removed, the carpet thrown out. Whatever it takes, but it needs to go.

De-construction complete! Construction begins. Consider changing the shape of the room all together.  Add a window or two that opens so natural light and fresh air can enter.

Plan how this renovated space can be redecorated. You alone get to chose how to decorate this room. How will it look? Can you see it now. Feel spacious and fresh?

Take a deep breathe in… and relax into this beautiful space you have created.

Still not sure? Not knowing where to start?

A journal is great. Make some notes. Take a look a the floor plan by walk through your own mental house. Look at all the angles.

Rise up in your mind and look at the house from above. Move around this house easily and naturally. Make it yours again. Own it!

When feelings come up, explore them by writing them down. Yelling them out. Saying these feelings out loud until the energy softens.

If it is too painful? 

2. Shift perspective. Psychology has ways to look at a painful life experience and still feel safe. At all stages, you must recognize that YOU are in charge.

Here are some tips.

  • Look from another persons perspective. Pretend you are your most trusted adviser.
  • Change the house to black and white.
  • Look at your house as if you’re watching a movie.
  • Or imagine yourself up on a high mountain looking down on your house.
  • Maybe you are inside a plane and flying overhead and take a quick look out the window.
  • Maybe there are clouds in the sky and so again the house is harder to see.

Looking through windows into rooms, or separated by distance allows painful experiences to be explored in a safe manner.

  • Awareness
    • Ask yourself, what door did I notice opened today?
    • When did it open?
    • What brought activity/ experience opened this old door?
    • What reaction was there?
    • Did it open as a limitation, a label, or something that encouraged me?
    • Or did this door represent freedom and opportunity?
  • Curiosity is another helper?
    • When your awareness piques your curiosity, encouraging exploration.
Explore the door: Exploration is another step towards releasing pain.

Look and feel the sensations that come into our body when we become aware of what is truly happening.

We can take moment to explore where and when this door came into existence by looking back in our life and notice when this room was built. How it was constructed. Why it needed a door then. Why we no longer need it.

3. Accept, Forgive and let go…

Does the door really exist?

No, it’s simply a metaphor to help us understand how we cope.

Real or imagined, if it is affecting our physical or mental emotional well being it is as solid as any door we can reach out and touch. Because doors interfere with our mental emotional and physical health.

How?

Negative emotions and stress create tension; resulting in a negative biological action within our bodies. So it’s not just a door! High levels of stress or chronic stress can feel as real as a brick that is tied to your leg when your deep at sea. Ever heard someone say; “I feel like I’m drowning”.

This is when bad things happen. It needs to be cut lose!

However, the door is not real. And when your truly ready to accept our situation for what it was. Then maybe you’ll be ready to forgive what happened. Benefit from the release of finally letting someone thing painful go.

Release can be likened to releasing a red balloon into the sky and watching it float away. Remember, the illusion of the door was simply an illusion. The door, like the string. Attached to the red balloon and held firmly in our grasp. It is not until we open our hand that the balloon is released.

And then we watch in amazement. The balloon effortlessly and easy drifts apart from us. Drifting on the invisible breeze until we can no longer see it.

After all, it never really existed.

Now you now know. That you have the power. And you have had the power all along.

So close your eyes and imagine. A life without all these doors. Life lived in freedom and liberation!

Stay well out there.

My name is Adele Anderson and you can reach me at Fulfillyourdestiny.ca. You can reach me for a free 30 minute consult: Adele@yourdestinycoach.ca

 

 

Neuro-Linguistics Programming

 

Neuro-Linguistics Programming

Neuro-Linguistics Programming, known as N.L.P. is a combination of Linguistics, Cybernetics, Neuro-systems theory and psychology.

What is N.L.P

NLP psychologists came to understand that all experiences conscious and unconscious are processed through the central nervous system and our senses. Our linguistics gave meaning to our experiences by creating a code, organizing it within our minds and expressing it through language. It was discovered that we can re-program experiences by combining our interactive neurological systems and engaging one’s mind through a specific sequence of patterns.

What does N.L.P. do

It has the ability to motivate, teach a person how to use their brain to its upmost capacity, teaches one how to learn and excel, to make positive behavior changes. NLP teaches one how to study the excellence of others and then teaches the skills to enhance excellence in them. N.L.P. can desensitize fears; relieve emotional pain and increase awareness, perceptions and new possibilities for opportunity.

Who uses N.L.P

People that want to move beyond their limits. People that want to be successful. Actors, professional athletes, Successful business persons, Politicians, psychologists, Councillors, therapists, Homeopaths, CEO’s, Human Resource managers, people in sales. Anyone can use N.L.P. to create excellence.

When do people seek out N.L.P
  1. To overcome a habits, addictions, fears or behavior that is interfering with their lives.
  2. For big events that are causing anxiety and fears: As a public speaking, athletics, studying for exams, sales, marketing, teaching.
  3. Where ever communication is used. In business, the boardroom, family dynamics. N.L.P. teaches you how to communicate more clearly and with greater impact.
  4. Children that find school uninteresting, not very fun or difficult
  5. A person who is suffering from low self esteem
  6. A person grieving the lose of a loved one or the lose of a relationship that they can’t seem to get over.
How does N.L.P. help

N.L.P. changes the programming of old emotional experiences and creates new stronger and more empowering patterns for the mind to default to. By creating a new and stronger pattern for old behavior, fears or self-limiting beliefs lose their power. N.L.P. utilizes the unconscious mind to achieve power over Willpower, analytical and rational choices that can always be thwarted when one is hungry, angry, lonely or tired. By bi-passing these limiting mind functions we can easily and naturally gain powerful tools to expand one’s abilities now and in the future and move beyond what had held one back in the past.

Why is N.L.P. important

NLP is a game changer. It allows us to expand our minds and achieve excellence beyond what we had imagined. Once we become aware of the unlimited power of our unconscious mind and realize that we can access this power now, our belief in our future is unlimited.

Start now www.lifecoachadele.com

When you’re suffering from sleeplessness. You may have bigger problems…

Letting go of sleeplessness

Seems like a good sleeplessness release is a  lesson in “letting go”. So if you’re tire of sleeplessness, read on. Or fed-up feeling frustrated looking at the ceiling? Read on…

 What does sleeplessness and letting go have in common?

We know that much of sleeplessness can be linked to stress and contributing to feeling unhappy. Stress creates an inner alertness. Why? Because our mind thinks for some reason it needs to keep us safe. Away from the lurking saber tooth tiger.

But it has become mis-aligned. It has been a while since that old saber toothed tiger sad outside the cave. In reality sleepless ness may be as simple as calming an internal state of alertness.

Alertness is causes by Adrenalin and cortisol that flood our systems. In response to stress. Sleeplessness is just one of many side effect of stress.
We know now that stress can lead to fatalities! The facts are that chronic stress is responsible for many horrible health issues. So if you want to lose sleep, loose sleep about that! But sleeplessness could be a blessing in disguise. How? because it is bringing your attention to a deeper more serious issue. Stress….
But today let’s find some solutions for your sleeplessness. Why does it plague us?
Stressful busy lives roll-over into rest time. High octane schedules cause hormones and chemicals to be released from the brain. Even though they are meant to help us, when in excess, threaten our well-being.

Why do so many of us have difficulty relaxing?

Excess hormones and chemicals in our systems. Creating unbalanced body systems.
So how do we get restful sleep? Reduce stress. Or learn to deal with stress in a healthy way. Facts are that the way we deal with stress makes all the difference.
Typically. When we finally finally decide to get help. It is an act of desperation. Because we are so exhausted we finally admit we need to change
 If change is so good for us why is it so hard?
Turns out, we are hard wired that way. Our instinctual brain. Doesn’t like change. Change makes this brain uncomfortable. Psychology states that we must be so uncomfortable that we are willing to change to remove the discomfort. Maybe you’re still not ready to change?
What is happening inside the mind?
The Reptilian brain is dominating your mental processes. This ancient brain is running your life! No empowerment there…. Why? Whenever we are worried about anything. In brain talk= safety security or survival.
What is especially relevant is that, this brain has limitations. It doesn’t think. It is instinctual. No thinking, no ability to rationalize. So it doesn’t recognize the difference. Between a life threatening situation. And everyday stress.
Therefore stress is stress. And the resulting physiology is not healthy. When daily stress last longer than 60 days, it is considered chronic. Then we have big trouble. Obesity. Heart disease. Risking many diseases. Including diabetes. Cancer and heart attacks and overall unhappiness.
I let go of sleeplessness… creates a ripple effect inside our brain.
I have been subject to my own elevated stress levels. As a result, I suffered many sleepless nights. Long hours. Laying in bed. Frustration and restless. Mostly, watching the clock tick away. 4 am. 5 am 6! Then getting out of bed. Reading for a while. Finally going back to bed. Almost always a result of a relentlessly busy mind. Waking tired. Short tempered and irritated.
AS a result, I used to dread the sound of the alarm. Waking up exhausted. Eyes burning and dry. Almost daily, wishing I could only role over. And go back to sleep. Ahhh those days are gone. I am one of those who wake up refreshed, ready to embrace my day!
But I can relate. In the past I have experienced that knot in my gut. A tight chest. Constantly trying to ease the discomfort. And then I learned one great tip. By drawing air slowly into my lungs I could calm my stress level. Breathing in and out was enough to get the ripple effect and calm my sense of unease.
But I remember being so tired that my thinking became unclear. Endless sleepless nights worried about work, home, love and more. Most of all, I remember not being able to seeing a solution.
But then I learned that stress causes the inability to see solutions. Keeps the brilliance of our minds shut! And being tired limited my willpower and my creativity as well as my intelligence! Sleeplessness was getting in the way of my greatness. And who wants that for themselves?
So why do we live in this state?
First of all, we are powerful individuals. Packing around a lot of dynamic energy, intelligence, wisdom and success. And that’s the problem. Typical sleep deprived means your really smart and an over achiever. Your just another sleepless perfectionist!
How do we change?
First admit your really smart:) But consider sleeplessness is Like many things, it’s a letting go process. And a process of change. BUT, WE must want to change! So are you ready yet? Tired enough? Frustrated enough? Because you have to be there. Your desire to change must come first. Must be greater than our desire to remain the same.
What might change look like?
It might mean a shift in perception. Evaluating goals and values. Or maybe accepting, without emotion; what is. Maybe it’s an opportunity or a different direction. For the most part it doesn’t have to be big. Any itty bitty shift has a ripple effect. And itty bitty shift creates a ripple effect, opposite of being stuck! Any movement physical or mental emotional creates a ripple. And that means better sleep.
It could look like a schedule change. Or adopting a more relaxed morning. Ensuring you have support. Get away for a weekend retreat. Book a massage to relax body mind and soul. Taking time to enjoy the things you like.
Happiness: Find ways to increase how you feel. Happiness drives and enables all our behavior. It is the key to success in every aspect of our existence. And that includes a good nights sleep.
Connection. Maybe more time spent with friends. Or accepting support from friends. It may mean more family time. Building connections. To those that matter.
Shift. Could be considering a new career. Something that fulfills your passion. Or adopting a lifestyle choice that flows. One that aligns with core values and your higher purpose. Your true North.
Change. Could involve changing where we live. Possibly downsizing houses. Therefore easing any financial pressure that exists. So being open. To change can help ease sleeplessness.
Clarity. Understanding what is true. To your core. And understanding what you really want. Why it is important. This is fundamental. If your going to change.
We all need clarity. Body, mind and soul. Through mind body connections. Therapies, like Homeopathy. Or Deep Issue Massage.  Coaching and counseling.
 And finally, Perception. What you believe will be. We create our own reality. When we discover what is really important. Health and well-being. Verses stress. Struggling to hold on. or struggling to let goooo. Perception is at the center of change.
Excellence verses Perfection. Better to strive for excellence. Which allows us to enjoy the moments. The journey. Needing perfection. Is missing the ride. Only looking of an outcome. Of perfection. Which very few things reach.
A wake-up call
What I do understand is. Is that sometimes. We need a wake-up call. A brush with death. Or a major health concern. Something that scares us. Into reality.
Somewhere. We went from that adventurous child. Exploring each and every day. Changing daily. To a reality that was much smaller. More limited. Restrictive.
Most noteworthy, consider words that have an inward expression. Sounds a bit like stress. Tension and tightening. Creating a narrow perception. Like putting blinders on a horse.  Saying, be careful. Don’t look left.
Change doesn’t have to be scary.
Change can be liberating. Like opening a new door. Change can be exciting. Creative and wonderful.
It’s funny. Every time I talk about the psyche.  Nobody wants to hear the “transformation” word.  Each and every time. It is transformation. That people really want. Turns out, It is a natural part of psychological evolution. The missing link. To higher purpose. Higher thinking, health and happiness. Nothing scary or flaky about that! It’s healthy!
What ever change you make. Ensure that your physiology changes. Creating a positive flow or hormones and chemicals. One that cleanses negative flow.
How this works? Positive physiology results from laughter. Feelings of joy. Connection with others. Embracing self care. Rest and relaxation. Meditation and mindfulness. Doing things you enjoy. Finding passion in work. Taking time to learn and explore.
Finding passion can be explored. By first understanding your passion. Knowing your strengths. And weaknesses. The 6 spheres of holistic well-being. Can be your foundation for exploration. Finding your core values. Within the sphere.  Physical. Mental. Emotional. Environmental. Intellectual and spiritual realms. It’s being Human.
The process of change. Can be re-veiling. Like an awakening. And clarity brings peace of mind. Along with a good nights sleep with and a sense of well-being.
A good nights rest. Can be as simple as change. If YOU are ready for a good nights sleep
xo

Mind Mapping secrets that do harm to Mother’s Self-Sacrificing

Mind Mapping Secrets Mother's Self-Sacrificing

...and the damage of Self-Sacrifice

 Common #Psychological Mistake

#Self-Sacrifice

What is Self-Sacrifice? It means that through some action of our own, we incur harm to our mental or emotional well-being, to our wealth, relationships, family or career.

Self-sacrifice affects every aspect of psychological being, physical, social, emotional, intellectual, environmental and spiritual self.

It’s about not valuing your self-worth.

It is allowing yourself to get run down to the point where you suffer in some way.

Definition:

  1. Surrender or destruction of something prized for the sake of something considered of higher value.
  2. The thing so surrendered or devoted.
  3. Loss incurred in selling something below its value.

Example: Long hours mean a mind full of details. Late nights of dedicated research result in missed meals, processed fast food, caffeine, alcohol and difficulty falling asleep. Family time is sacrificed, social events cut short or missed altogether.

The family could feel the additional stress of schedules. The family bonds  stretched to breaking point. Weekends just don’t offer enough time to re-bond and recharge.

When Mother’s become chronically exhausted and burned out, Family bonds breaks down, and there is NO Stress leave for Mothers…….

Why is it important? Because self-sacrificing can have family consequences and personally devastating health consequences in the form of Chronic #stress! #Stress is the #1 Precursor to Heart Disease…..

 It’s easier keeping your health than trying to gain it back!

 Did you know…… #Heart Disease kills more Women than Any other Disease.

 54% of women that died of Heart disease were unaware that they were at risk… They died without ever knowing… That means they had no opportunity to adjust their lifestyle, behavior or Psychology.

  • 67% of women never articulated any symptoms to their Doctors
    • As a holistic medical practitioner for most of 20 years, I can unequivocally state that stress creates symptoms, we just don’t understand the language anymore….it’s a lost art.
  • 27% of all women today die prematurely from heart Disease.
    • An unacceptable statistic in my view and it does not have to be this way…..

Beyond the very worst possible scenario of have your life cut tragically short, self-sacrifice results in unhappiness, dissatisfaction and has the ability to interfere with many aspects of our life and what we care about.

Holistic well-being includes, self-esteem, relationships, exercise, Health, Home and family as well as spirituality
Holistic well-being includes, self-esteem, relationships, exercise, Health, Home and family as well as spirituality

Contact Coach: Adele Anderson

Selflessness has been signaled as a morally correct personality trait of caregivers. And of course we want to show compassion, empathy and kindness in our lives. But why does this mean that we be so generous to others and yet neglect ourselves? We push ourselves to the limit and loose the joy in what we love most!

If you have heard yourself thinking; “I hate….” Then you’re just plain worn out. I call this the beginning of self-defeat.

Some say self-sacrifice is a beautiful expression of love.…  however psychology; or the Greek word The Psyche: the study of Breathe Spirit & Soul; has a bit of a different twist on sacrifice.

Self-sacrifice is stress and shows up in unhappiness, anxiety, stress, depression, low energy, poor eating and exercise habits. Not uncommon, over indulgence in alcohol, drugs and other numbing agents. Sleeping pills, too much caffeine, irritability, frustration and self-doubt and the ever present guilt of not doing enough! It affects our psychological well-being and self-esteem.

Self-sacrifice establishes how we are treated by others.

When we self-sacrifice, we will tolerate less respect, accept being over-burdened, allow ourselves to be taken for granted and permit to being under-valued.

So if these feelings exist in any percent then possibly the problem may be self-created.

Many lessons in life are shown through examples to others. 90% of communication is unspoken… So what is the unspoken language telling others about what is fair, what is normal, what is acceptable.

 

The way we treat ourselves will be a direct reflection of how others will treat us!

 

How to stop self-sacrificing? Take time for yourself, everyone and everything around you will start to shift perspective as your perception shift.

I once had a client say…. I can feel them coming…. They are sucking my energy…..We immediately set some “unspoken boundaries” for her and everything in the family dynamics shifted…….

Honoring ourselves allows us to show up FULLY, energized, joyful, passionate and powerful and without resentfulness.

Stop stressing about it! Women who nurture themselves are happier in their work and at home. They have healthier happier families, better relationships, gain more wealth and personal well-being.

These women note more satisfaction and feelings of fulfillment.

If you think you don’t deserve it, you’re missing out on a big slice of the happiness pie.

Self-honor means reduced stress levels, giving back to yourself so you have the strength to lead your family.

 It’s about drawing boundaries and balancing what others need and what we are able to give. It’s about the attitude we have surrounding tasks that plays a key role in how life is approached.

 I had a client, a successful professional becoming a Mom for the first time. Her and her husband had made the financial choice  for her to leave her workplace for a period of time and raise their child. It was a planned pregnancy and she should have felt joyful. But she was so unhappy and didn’t know why…

When we spoke, I quickly identified that she didn’t value stay at home Motherhood roles. She missed her “identity’ of successful professional.

So, if there was no implied value; for her; in staying at home, how could she value her “new” self?

She soon learned the new role was 24/7, difficult, challenging and exhausting. She learned to respect what Mothers do….

She started to respect the importance of her role.

Until she honored and valued Motherhood she was unable to embrace and find value in herself, children and family.

Once her attitude towards Motherhood shifted, life aligned, joy returned, self-worth resumed.

The attitude we have about anything directly affects how we feel and behave.

Psychology states, that physiology occurs within our bodies as a result of our thoughts!

So we have positive thoughts we have “happy biological processes. We have negative thoughts, negative biological neuro-hormones cascade through our systems. Science even goes further….. How we feel about our health, for example stress…. If we feel that stress is hurting us, we are more likely to die from it!

Yes. Every thought matters! The more positive our thoughts (all thoughts) the healthier we are.

So how does the aspects of #self-honor affect our thoughts and ultimately well-being!The biological process that exists with every thought word and action. You choose which way you want to spin your biological process.

Self Honor

Being authentic to ourselves is integral to #self-honor. It includes a reciprocal blend of honesty, integrity, respect and sense of fair-play. All of these elements can be found within your core values.

Email me: yes@lifecoachadele.com for a free download:

Core Values worksheet

Or

Contact yes@lifecoachadele.com  for a Core Values Skype Session

 

When you consider that self-sacrificing come with feelings of exhaustion and letting ourselves down, self-honor creates feelings of energy, satisfaction, self-respect, self-esteem and self-love.

Honoring ourselves is practical in every aspect of our lives.

It is life!

If we continually self-sacrifice, burnout is not far away and that means families suffer and personal health is at risk!

Being a healthy Mother is about being honest with our needs, boundaries, and with others. It is critical to find ways to re-investing in your well-being.

 #Self-care is a powerful tool to self-sustainability.

When we don’t, our ability to focus falters, to feel satisfied and then happiness suffers. So acknowledging needs and being grateful for the infusion is the way to go.

So when do you know that you’re in need of Self-Honoring?

 The body provides sacred messengers, initially little signs and symptoms that there is too much pressure. You feel tired or a sense of unease….

These signs and symptoms may come in the form of headaches, a busy mind that causes #sleeplessness, or just plain #exhaustion. It could be heart #palpitations, chest constriction, find yourself sighing allot. Moody swings, shortness of breath, #panic attacks, fatigue, un-refreshed sleep or #weight gain all come from the umbrella of underestimating the value of self-honor.

Many people discredit or do not recognize these sacred messengers, lost as a result of a modern world.

If we don’t recognize stress, it soon becomes a natural part of how we feel. The signs have become unconscious. Many are too busy to pay attention, no time to slow down……

When quiet, we have an opportunity to listen and learn the magic balance of giving and receiving.

There are many simple things you can do to stop self-sacrificing and bring energy back into your life.

Ways to self-prescribe:

  1. Schedule down-time for yourself
    • Find things you enjoy. Connect with friends. Music, fitness or meditation.
    • Find new possibilities.
    • Nourishing your body, mind and spirit.
    • Stimulation is mandatory for intellectual wellness. New ideas, new intentions.
    • Play positive, your beliefs affect your health and well-being.

Pat attention to the language you use every day. Is it positive or negative? Just by changing your language to a positive expression, you can change the physiological response in your body and gain immediate health benefits result.

  • Hopefulness expands creativity and dreams.
  • Learn to do the things you love and you will learn to love yourself. It is absolutely necessary to LOVE YOURSELF!

WHY? Because you’re here in this amazing life a this time and place in the universe. You matter! You are worth the love you give yourself each and every day, all day long…..!

Because what we feel about ourselves will be reflected back at us! Because what we feel about ourselves can have devastating health consequences……

 

HOW?

  1. Communicate your needs, be honest.

Fact is women who don’t self-sacrifice and take care of themselves are happier and healthier. They tend to have healthier happier families, so take care of your needs first; it’s a win/win.

 

  1. Don’t neglect yourself!
  • The way we treat ourselves will be the standard of how others will treat us!

 

  • Honor self-love. It is the “perfect pill” choice!
  • Love, gratitude and pleasure are the glue that holds it all together.

And……..Learn your core values….

Core values are a full-on topic for another blog, but here are some fundamentals.

How can you align work, home and play with your core values?

Email me for Your FREE core values worksheet:

yes@lifecoachadele.com

Core values are what make us tic. They are passion. They describe us to the world. Core values are our moral compass, our true north and guide. Know them well ….. It’s important that the family bonds with their core values. If you don’t have individual, social and family core values, or if your family values are not being reflected in your child’s upbringing, you could be missing a key ingredient for a strong family connection.

How can you influence core values?

  • Before making a big decision, think about what it means to all aspects of your life and how it aligns with your core values.
  • Will this decision make a positive or negative impact on your life, and on the lives of others, whether it is family, friends, community, or the world?
  • Does your decision need to be discussed within the family?
  • How large is the impact, if it is what is for dinner…. Verses I have an illness and life will be different for a while….. Who needs to be brought in and at what stage?
  • Will trust be broken if certain family members are not included?
  • Should age be considered?
  • Do you have a full game plan for all the questions that may be asked?
  • Can you explain your decision in a full and honest way?
  • Could opposition be a possibility?
    What then?

Decisions you make should make you feel grounded. You instinctively know when it feels right.

Now in saying that, evolutionary Psychology has its role in every human being growth and development.

When children are born they are in “Survival mode” The first of 7 stages in human evolutionary psychology.

As a baby grows into a toddler, they quickly learn that staying within the family core values means a happy life, verses outside of family rules means some form of unhappiness.

Then it gets tricky in a couple ways, buy-in or rebellion….. here’s part of the reason why……

As parents we grew up in different times. If our own parents were quite far along in their psychological development and lived in a democratic politically safe environment then we may evolve faster than they were able to. And there is individualizing stage of evolution. Where children branch off from the parents to a certain degree and find their own way.

Add today’s technology and the vast amount of transparency children have access to internationally, today’s children are evolving faster than each generation before them. Children push their parents for change, and as growth means change, challenge is everything to do with families dynamics.

But this is another HUGE topic, which I am happy to share in another blog.

Stay tuned:)

BUT If Something is keeping you up at night and causing sleeplessness and anxiety. Call me…. We can find calming and rest assured solutions for you and your family.Stop Self-sacrificing!

Private coaching sessions, Retreats and workshops to understanding family dynamics.

I can be reached:

Are you struggling with your communication skills? Is it keeping you from gaining a promotion at work or a better quality relationship? Then, the psychology of communication, mind mapping and active listening can really help your cause. Lazy to Active Listening can empower you!

To understand better, some insight into the psychology of mind mapping is needed. We need to understand how our brains mind map and then relate that to our own psychology in order to understand why “Lazy Listening” plays an important role in poor communication.

Lazy listening actually triggers automated mind mapping mechanisms of the Reptilian and Limbic Brains. You’re not in control……hmmm. Danger zone!

Let’s talk about how that happens. You need to understand our 3 different brains and how they process information.
This is empowering!
Humans have 3 brains.

  1. The Reptilian Brain- the reactive (mind mapped) instinctual brain.
  2. The Limbic Brain rests on top of the Reptilian brain. It’s our emotional mind mapping patterns brain.
  3. The Neo-Cortex sits on top the Limbic brain- our rational brain. (Does not fully mature until the age of 7-8 years)
    1. This means our development years are all survival (reactive) and revolves around emotional brain mind mapping patterns. Reactive and emotional neural mind mapping patterns become deeply ingrained prior to our ability to rationalize. Think about that!

So to the point? Why is it important to remove lazy listening from your psychology? Lots of great reasons. Listening is a skill that is a shortage and in demand. People that practice active listening are:

  1. More effective and productive
  2. Have more chances to influence others and gain advancement
  • Develop trust, respect and rapport with others
  1. Are considered better leaders and team members.
  2. Make better customer service representatives
  3. Are persuasive and are better negotiators
  • Avoid misunderstandings

Facts are (Adler, R Rosenfeld L Proctor, R 2001)

  • 70% of our day communicating.
    • 45% Listening
    • 30% Speaking
    • 16% Reading
    • 9% Writing

Listening is not the same are hearing,“I hear ya” But do you really?

Active listening requires effort:

  • Stop talking, don’t think about your rebuttal, make eye contact, focus, remove distraction and prepare yourself to listen.
  • Relax, breathe, put the speaker at ease and give them your attention
    • Nod, gesture, lean inward, make eye contact, paraphrase
  • Empathize, understand their perspective, be open-minded, impartial, suspend judgement, do not jump to conclusions.
  • Listen for ideas, themes, threads of conversation, the story. Watch for non-verbal gestures: facial expressions, body gestures and eye movement. What is not being said is just as important.
  • Listen for tone, emotion, verbal and non-verbal clues.

Listening requires MORE than the sense of hearing.

Barriers to listening:

  • Anxiety
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Impatience
  • Lack of sleep
  • Distraction
  • Short attention span
  • Limbic Brain: emotional pattern recognition
  • Limbic Brain: reactive

Learning how to dis-engage the mind mapping Limbic Brain. Slowing down your thinking processes by active listening allows time for the Neo-Cortex to engage. Allow time to focus on what is being said without engaging your emotional mind mapping pattern recognition process. Breathe, focus, remove distraction and be impartial.

By being impartial you have a better opportunity to detach an emotional mind map pattern of the Limbic brain. It is your choice to attach an emotion to an event or a story. It’s NOT your story. It is THEIR story.

By allowing them to tell their story, without you engaging your personal emotional neural pattern, you will keep your heart rate steady. You will also be able to think with your Neo-cortex brain about what is being said rather than becoming emotionally engaged.

The brain has the capacity to think 600% faster than most people talk. The brain is going a mile-a-minute in the background. While someone else is talking, your brain runs all types of “what-if” scenarios and rebuttals. Examples: “I had the same experiences… let me tell you mine…… let ME talk.” Or you may be thinking about how long till you pick up the kids, or what’s for dinner instead of actively listening to what is being said. Considering you will only retain 25-50% OF WHAT is being said, give it your best shot!

Stop the chatter and learn “active listening” skills. Stop reacting!

When we engage emotionally, we make assumptions, (ingrained emotional neural patterns of the Limbic Brain) judgmental opinions or rebuttals, rather than allowing ourselves to engage in slow, open minded rational thought.

Quick responses are more likely to be reactive or emotionally biased and don’t fare well in any situation. Over-reaction adds stress.

So step back, listen fully, respectfully and respond with an inquisitive mind.

Active Listening TIPS:

  1. I use a little tool: I pinch my thumb and for-finger together, signalling my brain that I am now paying attention to what is being said. I lean in and make eye contact.
    1. It is a small physical signal that sets me into the “mode” of listening. It becomes automated. If you catch yourself drifting, then paraphrase; ‘get back on track; make sure you are following the thread.’

Repeat the pressure of thumb and forefinger, lean in, make eye contact, paraphrase and focus.

  1. Be inquisitive! By being interested, you train your brain to actively listen to what is being said.
  2. By clarifying that you truly understood what is being said, you can engage the brain in a different pattern of thinking, which creates new neural pathways. It shows respect, builds trust and rapport with others.
    1. “I’m curious; are you saying…..” I am not sure I understood, can you give me an example?”
  3. Don’t interrupt! When we become excited or emotionally engaged, we have a tendency to interrupt. You will always learn more by listening than by talking.
  4. Remember, it is not “your” story, it is theirs, so try not to high-jack it!! When you attach an emotion to an event, you make it YOUR story. It is not YOUR story.
    1. An emotional response is simply a recognition of 3 points of a similar story. An emotional patterns, often deeply ingrained in our Limbic Brain before the age of 8, is engaged. As you know, assumptions are quite often wrong, 8 –year- old’s emotional patterns, brought forward by the Limbic brain. These re-occurring emotional patterns can add allot of stress to anyone’s life and stress is not healthy for anyone.
  5. Listen until they have stopped talking and then breathe thoughtfully before you respond. By pausing before responding, you will have their full attention.

These small effective tools will allow your mind to remain calm and all your internal mechanisms will respond in the same manner. When using rational thought processes, we are less likely to engage an emotional response.

Emotional responses are stressors. Learn why it is important for your health not to continually engage stressors and the chemical process that leave your immune responses weakened.

Until then, stay well.

Adele Anderson

Struggling Communication, Psychology of Active Listening can help you

human mind - a concept design
Psychology of active listening

Are you struggling with your communication skills? Is it keeping you from gaining a promotion at work or a better quality relationship? Then, the psychology of communication, mind mapping and active listening can really help your cause. Lazy to Active Listening can empower you!

To understand better, some insight into the psychology of mind mapping is needed. We need to understand how our brains mind map and then relate that to our own psychology in order to understand why “Lazy Listening” plays an important role in poor communication.

Lazy listening actually triggers automated mind mapping mechanisms of the Reptilian and Limbic Brains. You’re not in control……hmmm. Danger zone!

Let’s talk about how that happens. You need to understand our 3 different brains and how they process information.
This is empowering!
Humans have 3 brains.

  1. The Reptilian Brain- the reactive (mind mapped) instinctual brain.
  2. The Limbic Brain rests on top of the Reptilian brain. It’s our emotional mind mapping patterns brain.
  3. The Neo-Cortex sits on top the Limbic brain- our rational brain. (Does not fully mature until the age of 7-8 years)
    1. This means our development years are all survival (reactive) and revolves around emotional brain mind mapping patterns. Reactive and emotional neural mind mapping patterns become deeply ingrained prior to our ability to rationalize. Think about that!

So to the point? Why is it important to remove lazy listening from your psychology? Lots of great reasons. Listening is a skill that is a shortage and in demand. People that practice active listening are:

  1. More effective and productive
  2. Have more chances to influence others and gain advancement
  • Develop trust, respect and rapport with others
  1. Are considered better leaders and team members.
  2. Make better customer service representatives
  3. Are persuasive and are better negotiators
  • Avoid misunderstandings

Facts are (Adler, R Rosenfeld L Proctor, R 2001)

  • 70% of our day communicating.
    • 45% Listening
    • 30% Speaking
    • 16% Reading
    • 9% Writing

Listening is not the same are hearing,“I hear ya” But do you really?

Active listening requires effort:

  • Stop talking, don’t think about your rebuttal, make eye contact, focus, remove distraction and prepare yourself to listen.
  • Relax, breathe, put the speaker at ease and give them your attention
    • Nod, gesture, lean inward, make eye contact, paraphrase
  • Empathize, understand their perspective, be open-minded, impartial, suspend judgement, do not jump to conclusions.
  • Listen for ideas, themes, threads of conversation, the story. Watch for non-verbal gestures: facial expressions, body gestures and eye movement. What is not being said is just as important.
  • Listen for tone, emotion, verbal and non-verbal clues.

Listening requires MORE than the sense of hearing.

Barriers to listening:

  • Anxiety
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Impatience
  • Lack of sleep
  • Distraction
  • Short attention span
  • Limbic Brain: emotional pattern recognition
  • Limbic Brain: reactive

Learning how to dis-engage the mind mapping Limbic Brain. Slowing down your thinking processes by active listening allows time for the Neo-Cortex to engage. Allow time to focus on what is being said without engaging your emotional mind mapping pattern recognition process. Breathe, focus, remove distraction and be impartial.

By being impartial you have a better opportunity to detach an emotional mind map pattern of the Limbic brain. It is your choice to attach an emotion to an event or a story. It’s NOT your story. It is THEIR story.

By allowing them to tell their story, without you engaging your personal emotional neural pattern, you will keep your heart rate steady. You will also be able to think with your Neo-cortex brain about what is being said rather than becoming emotionally engaged.

The brain has the capacity to think 600% faster than most people talk. The brain is going a mile-a-minute in the background. While someone else is talking, your brain runs all types of “what-if” scenarios and rebuttals. Examples: “I had the same experiences… let me tell you mine…… let ME talk.” Or you may be thinking about how long till you pick up the kids, or what’s for dinner instead of actively listening to what is being said. Considering you will only retain 25-50% OF WHAT is being said, give it your best shot!

Stop the chatter and learn “active listening” skills. Stop reacting!

When we engage emotionally, we make assumptions, (ingrained emotional neural patterns of the Limbic Brain) judgmental opinions or rebuttals, rather than allowing ourselves to engage in slow, open minded rational thought.

Quick responses are more likely to be reactive or emotionally biased and don’t fare well in any situation. Over-reaction adds stress.

So step back, listen fully, respectfully and respond with an inquisitive mind.

Active Listening TIPS:

  1. I use a little tool: I pinch my thumb and for-finger together, signalling my brain that I am now paying attention to what is being said. I lean in and make eye contact.
    1. It is a small physical signal that sets me into the “mode” of listening. It becomes automated. If you catch yourself drifting, then paraphrase; ‘get back on track; make sure you are following the thread.’

Repeat the pressure of thumb and forefinger, lean in, make eye contact, paraphrase and focus.

  1. Be inquisitive! By being interested, you train your brain to actively listen to what is being said.
  2. By clarifying that you truly understood what is being said, you can engage the brain in a different pattern of thinking, which creates new neural pathways. It shows respect, builds trust and rapport with others.
    1. “I’m curious; are you saying…..” I am not sure I understood, can you give me an example?”
  3. Don’t interrupt! When we become excited or emotionally engaged, we have a tendency to interrupt. You will always learn more by listening than by talking.
  4. Remember, it is not “your” story, it is theirs, so try not to high-jack it!! When you attach an emotion to an event, you make it YOUR story. It is not YOUR story.
    1. An emotional response is simply a recognition of 3 points of a similar story. An emotional patterns, often deeply ingrained in our Limbic Brain before the age of 8, is engaged. As you know, assumptions are quite often wrong, 8 –year- old’s emotional patterns, brought forward by the Limbic brain. These re-occurring emotional patterns can add allot of stress to anyone’s life and stress is not healthy for anyone.
  5. Listen until they have stopped talking and then breathe thoughtfully before you respond. By pausing before responding, you will have their full attention.

These small effective tools will allow your mind to remain calm and all your internal mechanisms will respond in the same manner. When using rational thought processes, we are less likely to engage an emotional response.

Emotional responses are stressors. Learn why it is important for your health not to continually engage stressors and the chemical process that leave your immune responses weakened.

What for my next blog

Xo Adele Anderson