If family troubles are causing you chronic anxiety?
Mind mapping will help… When all hell breaks loose, some simple rules may just save your sanity.
Here’s 3 mind mapping steps for managing crisis and return your peaceful mind and restful sleep.
- Personal Power Attitude
- Name that Tune
- The Spin
Here are some thoughts.
1. Personal Power Attitude and lots of it! Our Personal Power attitude around any emotional experience can rule us; because we don’t control mind maps and this can either ruin us or save the day. You control the mind map, you rule.
What does that mean? Each and every emotion we have, each thought, word and reaction has a physiological biological chemical response. We can choose for our response to be either positive or negative. When our attitude around the response is positive, we engage positive biological responses and we can naturally handle situations better.
Science says, changing our attitude to a situation can have positive health benefits, changing the outcome of a “bad” situation.
Here’s an example: Your son went out with friends, drank alcohol and just totaled the family car. He’s OK, but shook-up.
You could choose to be angry that he totaled the car or you could choose to be grateful that he is not hurt. By being grateful that he is OK and approach the bad situation from a positive light. By engaging in a positive way, start a cognitive dialogue and hopefully find some solutions to risky behavior and hopefully reduce the risk of recurring dangerous behavior.
Why is this important? Our body stays relaxed, our brain clear and alert! We can breathe. We can hear and understand. We are cognitive rather than reactive! Because the opposite choice means reaction, typically not rational in nature. Irrational language breaks down relationships. There is no room for solutions.
Biologically “sad chemicals” or adrenalin course through our systems and that affects our physical well-being. When the cycle and response becomes chronic in nature, then physical signs and symptoms are not far behind. Anxiety, sleepless nights, regret, worry, anger stress….
How can you do it differently? You can change your attitude to what is happening. Is there a good side. Can you use it as a learning tool, rather than a punishment; is there opportunity to find a new path. Change the course of future events.
Can there be a win, win? What benefit could result if the situation were to handled in a positive light? Certainly the biological response will change, so YOU will benefit. Possibly this is an opportunity to discuss core values? Build the family bonds and relationship.
2. Name that Tune: What is it? Psychology states that our Limbic brain will jump into reaction as soon as it recognizes 3 similar “notes” (name that tune) the beginning of an “old Pattern”.
Example: You are anxious, you don’t know what is happening. These feelings always make you feel out of control, you get frustrated and usually feel anger at with having no control. As soon as you feel out of control in any situation, you start to feel angry before you know the details of what happened… your reaction is full blown.
Why is it important? Recognize that this reaction may not be due to this circumstance but rather a learned pattern of the Limbic Brain ….. Sadly, once your anger gets the best of you, you have disengaged from listening to a problem. Adrenalin is pumping full blast, you have now entered the flight or fight mechanism and dropped further into the “Reptilian Brain”. There is no turning back now. Once the Reptilian brain engages, you have very limited cognitive function, you are no longer rational.
There are a couple of things happening here. How can you make the solution better?
1a. Limbic Brain can control emotional patterns if you don’t recognize and create a new mind mapping pattern. Mind Map them, know them, recognize and disengage old mind map patterns. They are deeply ingrained;like an old record; to continually replay reactive behavior.
Quick emotional reaction works well if your being chased by a Lion, not so when your lovable kid spills the milk.
So don’t allow your Limbic Brain to engage too quickly and look at the event “THROUGH TIME”
1b. Through time means stepping back…… like you are watching a movie. There is distance and perspective that doesn’t happen when we react “IN-TIME”. It give you time to evaluate.
1b. The Neo-Cortex, the rational brain clicks in after 3 seconds, assesses the risk, the short and long term consequence and then makes the decision to discuss what is happening. Is this life or death? If not, then let you rational brain do the work. Decide if it really worth the stress of a full blown fall-out! If not, you have a choice of how you engage.
1c. Listen with your whole body. The brain can think at 600 times faster than we speak, so the brain is filling in the blanks ten different ways without really listening…..Really……. ya Really.
Here’s an example: Maybe you have had an experience with a long-winded friend and you are making mental notes about (600xfaster…….. smartypants:)
- what you picking up on the way home, what’s for dinner
- Where are the Kids
- who you have to touch base with
Choose the brain and the words that you want to use to have the best outcome for everyone.
3. The Spin: You have a choice, Spin it up or spin in down. What does that mean? Every thing we think, or speak matters. The words that we use can either have a positive effect or a negative effect on our inner well-being, on the quality of your response and your ability to communicate.
Why is it important? Negative language affects:
- Your internal biological response and has a negative impact on your well-being
- Your families inner biological response will also be negative
- On the bonds of the family can be damaged through angry words
- Loose the ability to earn trust
- Loose the ability for open communication
- You loose the ability to empathize, to connect.
We have a choice to use either positive or negative language.
- Positive language results in positive re-enforcement and engages a healthy neuro-hormones.
- a Negative language negative chemical messengers cascade through the system.
How does that help you? Well, according to Dr. Gwen Randall-Young. A toxic mind= toxic body, your psychological constitution is determined by your language. So yelling at the kids actually hurts as much as it hurts them…and the consequences can be life altering.
According to Kelly McCinigal, our biological response is engaged with everyday words we use, and saying things that might affect you and your child self-esteem can negatively impact in a multitude of ways.
Meaghan Ramsey goes onto say, kids with low self-image and self-esteem…
- Will score lower academically
- Will not take are much care with what they eat or what they do
- Exercise less
- Isolate themselves
- Not seek out support
- Risk more: drugs, alcohol and unsafe sex
- Are more likely to self-harm
Many aspects of conversation can work the spin. Try it, it can be quite fun. There are positive expression for almost any circumstance. The golden lining! Being positive affects our overall well-being and this reflects in every aspect of your life and family. The spin has great rewards.
So turn up your Personal attitude attitude, name that tune and spin for a happy family!
About Adele Anderson: linked in
Coaching with Adele: www.lifecoachadele.com
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