Families thrive while some moms’ struggle to find the happy balance.
Let’s face it a happy family makes a happy life. But when happiness ebbs, and it will, what strategies will shift the family together rather than apart?
Communication and strong core values will help your family bond. The ability to feel respected, trust each other and openly communicate.
What are core values?
The values you want your kids to have. When we don;t think about it but the ideals that define how you live. How you want them to live.
- “Respect your elders”
- “Treat others how you wish to be treated” (kind, respectful)
- “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” (eat and play healthy)
Core values become the defining beliefs we live by. When we stray from them we don’t feel good.
Our senses rise up and say, that makes me feel uncomfortable. Why? Because we have done or witnessed something that goes against “how” we behave and live in the world.
Having strong well defined family values set the foundation; of how you wish your children to live and behave within the world.
Core values defines principles for work,
and establishes perspective and importance of traditions,
spiritual and religious ideals for immediate family,
social communities and the world.
When families bond with their core values, they are stronger within themselves as they have a foundation that holds them together through life’s trials.
Being a part of a group is important to all of us as human beings. In evolution being part of a group was essential to survival, hunting and security.
In childhood development; evolutionary psychology: Belonging to a healthy family group
- The child feels secure
- Develops a strong self-esteem.
Children quickly learn the foundation, structure and boundaries.
The child learns that by conforming to family ideals:
- Love may be offered
Where straying from family values:
- May lead to denial of love
- Denial of affection
In the extreme, non-conformity could include exile, separation from the family and sometimes death.
Families can have extremely different values. Core values span generations, linked to culture, religion, and country’s political and social norms.
Some cultural values differ for boys’ verses girls, men verses women. Gender differences may occur when values are linked to politics and control.
- Conformity and punishment, can keep entire populations observing the political values defined.
We can see both moderate and extremes within families values in every country. Consider gender equality verses subordination and dominance and the rights of self-determination. Each element can be seen within our communities.
We could consider that political values change much slower than social values, witnessed through revolutions, where people stand up and say; No more”, to tyranny.
According to evolutionary psychology, this model; freedom of expression and communication tends to create a happier family environment.
Family values can evolve and open dialogue can be key in maintaining a strong family bond as it evolves.
Open dialogue allows exploration.
of new ideas outside of traditional family values and can be considered an evolution of psychology if it moves towards a greater good.
Communication can always be an opportunity; through expression, tones, body language, volume and eye contact; to deepen family bonds.
Many of us may have experienced how communication can be misleading when we cannot see expression, as in over the phone or through email or texting.
Communication or lack thereof can quickly devolve a relationship.
Communication is essential to building, maintaining and evolving family values
as family members’ grow as individuals, through education, exposure and diversity expand their views of the world.
Communication is opportunity to explore these new and evolving personal concepts and to develop mutual respect.
Exploring the expanding individualization of the family, honesty, trust and empathy; instilled in early family values; become fundamental to open dialogue.
What is the intention of family communication?
- To listen
- Respond with respect and kindness
- Interest and curiosity
- The child has a safe environment to express and share thoughts.
- Listening to understand rather than to respond can reinforce trust and respect within the family.
When trust is a part of family norms, then a parent may be considered a trusted adviser and this is a valuable opportunity for every parent.
On a wider social scale; when respect is both given and received within the family group; the flow of mutual respect into other groups such as school, work and outer social groups and communities can be witnessed.
Respect could be considered a building block of honesty and trust.
The willingness to forgive others is connected to generosity of spirit, empathy is involved. Generosity in our judgment of others, generosity of time, compassion and thoughtfulness come together and is learned within family values.
When we consider evolutionary growth, curiosity and passion also need to be present; absent of fear, judgment or punishment.
When curiosity is present, families discover things unknown.
Curiosity reciprocated allows ideas to be explored individually and along side of family values. When psychological evolution is encouraged, individualization and creative thought; outside of family values is listened to with an open mind.
Within the exploration of a new idea, there is an opportunity for the family to communicate how they feel about a topic; without judgement; simply by asking curious questions, with respect, love and honesty.
Effective listening skills are integral to family values.
Through listening, the child’s world expands and can be viewed
- Concerns can be discovered.
From an open-mined space happiness thrives
- Free of ridicule; the child can explore the world in an empowered way, with no fear of open conversation around any theme.
Family groups that allow individual thoughts and discussion, tend to be happier and have stronger bonds.
With themes outside of family values are opened within a family where communication is based “telling” or “demanding” conformity or one sided respect, trust may dissolve within the group and potentially close dialogue within the group.
Possibility of the child separates from the family and trying to join another “group” more aligned to un-discussed ideas. Different and yet they feel like they belong.
Gangs understand the deep desire of belonging. Indoctrination into gang culture, language, inclusion, tradition and beliefs can attract those who are missing this connection to values. Therefore searching for a place of belonging.
Values and the communication of them can be both empowering or alienating. According to the family dynamics, cultural, political and economic values could be a consideration.
A respectful conversation; around core values; creating core values through discussion. An open, honest environment can be created early. And may go a long way to salvaging the family struggling for survival while fostering a healthy happy family circle.
until we speak in person, stay well