If your relationship is struggling, you may benefit by knowing…The Psychology Fighting Fair.

A Psychological Checklist to Fighting with Fairness

What are the key elements to making an argument a win/win? Why it is important for your health any relationship and how Fighting Fairly can help save your relationship and allot of unhappiness. A healthy marriage is more than love; it takes good communication and the willingness to compromise. Conflict causes divorces.

#Psychology Gwen Randall-Young states that negative feelings, each and every time they engage, suppress your immune system for 6-8 hours! This leaves your system vulnerable to illness and disease. When negativity combines with poor eating habits and environmental circumstances, it becomes a deadly combination.

He wants to have a conversation.

• 30 second rule: listen to the full content of what is being said before you even consider responding.
• Thank him and affirm you have heard what they said by “backtracking”. (Rephrase so you know you understood.)
• Is there any common ground to build from?
• If you need to be accountable then be accountable……
• Be willing. Look for common ground.
• Be calm and respectful…. Breathe…… Through active listening skills you can remain in your Neo-Cortex and out of emotion or reaction.
• Stay focussed and keep to the facts. Emotional exaggerations or denial will sink your ship.
  1. Monitor your words. Will what you say make it better or worse?
  2. You have the choice to hurt or to heal.  Make the choice to heal.
• 93% of what is said is NON-VERBAL! So within your 30 second rule…….
  1. Control: facial expression, body language, gestures and any negative energy.
  2. If you need to: SIT DOWN. Sitting changes posture and is a great for diffusing anger.
     1. If your stance is over the other person, or if your eye contract is higher in stature, you will appear aggressive.

If you want to address a conflict, be prepared before you begin. 12 step Practice and Plan (YOUR part of the conversation) Do not make pre-conceptions about what HE will say…… 

1. Know the purpose and what you would like to achieve. Be clear to yourself about what you want to achieve. Practice and Plan.
2. Share the fact you need to have a hard conversation. Invite your partner to the conversation.
3. Remember it is a dialogue, not a monologue. But ask for ground rules. “I need to express myself and I ask you to listen, then if you wish to respond, I’ll will do my best to listen to understand your point of view.
4. Assume nothing.
5. Be careful not to be emotional, your point will be lost.
6. Be respectful, not defensive. No name calling.
7. Breathe…..
8. Be interested and curious about what the other person says.
9. Acknowledge their position and ask yourself if it shifted your perspective.
10. If either of you become emotional, take a rest and agree to discuss once things calm down.
11. Be willing to be wrong.
12. Agree to the “next step”. Where does it go from here? Join my workshop!

Your relationship is struggling, you may benefit by knowing…

Adele Anderson