If your relationship is struggling, you may benefit by knowing…The Psychology Fighting Fair.
A Psychological Checklist to Fighting with Fairness
What are the key elements to making an argument a win/win? Why it is important for your health any relationship and how Fighting Fairly can help save your relationship and allot of unhappiness. A healthy marriage is more than love; it takes good communication and the willingness to compromise. Conflict causes divorces.
#Psychology Gwen Randall-Young states that negative feelings, each and every time they engage, suppress your immune system for 6-8 hours! This leaves your system vulnerable to illness and disease. When negativity combines with poor eating habits and environmental circumstances, it becomes a deadly combination.
He wants to have a conversation.
- 30 second rule: listen to the full content of what is being said before you even consider responding.
- Thank him and affirm you have heard what they said by “backtracking”. (Rephrase so you know you understood.)
- Is there any common ground to build from?
- If you need to be accountable then be accountable……
- Be willing. Look for common ground.
- Be calm and respectful…. Breathe…… Through active listening skills you can remain in your Neo-Cortex and out of emotion or reaction.
- Stay focussed and keep to the facts. Emotional exaggerations or denial will sink your ship.
- Monitor your words. Will what you say make it better or worse?
- You have the choice to hurt or to heal. Make the choice to heal.
- 93% of what is said is NON-VERBAL! So within your 30 second rule…….
- Control: facial expression, body language, gestures and any negative energy.
- If you need to: SIT DOWN. Sitting changes posture and is a great for diffusing anger.
- If your stance is over the other person, or if your eye contract is higher in stature, you will appear aggressive.
If you want to address a conflict, be prepared before you begin. 12 step Practice and Plan (YOUR part of the conversation) Do not make pre-conceptions about what HE will say……
- Know the purpose and what you would like to achieve. Be clear to yourself about what you want to achieve. Practice and Plan.
- Share the fact you need to have a hard conversation. Invite your partner to the conversation.
- Remember it is a dialogue, not a monologue. But ask for ground rules. “I need to express myself and I ask you to listen, then if you wish to respond, I’ll will do my best to listen to understand your point of view.
- Assume nothing.
- Be careful not to be emotional, your point will be lost.
- Be respectful, not defensive. No name calling.
- Be interested and curious about what the other person says.
- Acknowledge their position and ask yourself if it shifted your perspective.
- If either of you become emotional, take a rest and agree to discuss once things calm down.
- Be willing to be wrong.
- Agree to the “next step”. Where does it go from here? Join my workshop!
Your relationship is struggling, you may benefit by knowing…