Tag: Happiness

Possibility creates worry and anxiety?

Possibility can be GREAT or not so great.

Maybe not what you considered, but “possibility” simply is something that could or could not happen. And that makes possibility the unknown.

When life choices fall into the unknown, they may create worry and worry creates anxiety.

Part of the problem lay in the many choices we face. And you say well choice is good right? And I say for sure. But think of it this way.

Many find making a decision difficult. And the more times it is difficult makes the next decision possibly difficult?

Why? It’s like training the dog.

we repeat repeat repeat and then the doggie gets it. And we reward them. But in mind science we often don’t consider training.

We train for a marathon. But do we often train our mind for the bigger marathon of life!

Train for decision making?

And when we don’t we feel shaky. As in nervous, shakin’ in our boots shaky. Why because having a difficult time choosing puts our mind in limbo. And we don’t do “limbo” well. It stand in the class of not being in control, or even perceived control.

Psychology states we must at least have the semblance of control, even if it perceived. (meaning not necessarily true). So even the attempt at decisions making makes us feel better.

And the facts are, making a choice typically doesn’t have to be fatal. (unless up the creek without a paddle) Or skydiving without a para-shoot.

Turns out making any decision is better; for our mind; than making no decision at all.

Three things happen.

  1. Decisions are goal setters. Gives us purpose and intention. Maybe the move doesn’t take us exactly where we want to go. Doesn’t mean we won’t come to a cross-road. There we change course, by making another choice.
    1. But we learned where that road lead. So it was helpful even though it wasn’t the best choice.
    2. Our minds felt more in control of our situation.
  2. If you look at the pic. It shows possibilities. That’s a lot for our minds to think about. So much information to gather on each possibility. The energy expended when we fail to make a decision is mind boggling. It creates stress! The result in loss of clarity, inefficient and stuck.
  3. The mind becomes trained. To make decisions and choice, rather than stagnate. A decisive mind holds less worry, anxiety and stress.

Start small

Small and unquestionable stuff. We begin with socks and underwear.

Socks. What socks are you going to put on today.

Underwear: What underwear are you going to put on.

Then we graduate: Lunch. Choose you lunch.

Each time a choice is made, your mind strengthens. So what’s next?

You choose. Today’s exercise, a weekend plan or laundry.

Like all “exercises, we build expertise. before long decisive decisions will feel natural and easy.

Stay well out there.

I’m here if you are wanting to fast track your training. I’m reachable below

xoxo Adele

Know the difference between failure and choosing because it affects your happiness

Happiness tip 3 Know the difference between failure and choosing.

Why do so many have difficulty choosing. Well, it could be that choosing is associated with the possibility of failure. And so, choose nothing.

What is choice? An option, or a possible course of action

What is failure? Lack of success or feelings of non-fulfillment.

Why is choice so important?

It moves us. Takes us towards a possible action that creates something we want. Choice is forward momentum, towards success or through failures that arise.

So why do so many have difficulty choosing?

Failure and choosing may sound different but have quite a few similarities.

Both stop many from proceeding. Inside the mind the feelings are similar. A fear of failure and a fear of making the wrong choice, feel the same. Because they both share the emotion, fear.

Why is that important? It creates a pattern of behavior. In many people, the resulting pattern is stagnation. Doing nothing, or not taking the leap at all.


And it is OK to have your ducks in a row, but perfection is often overrated. I consider it a dream breaker actually.

WHY? Because I hardly ever hear someone say to me, it’s perfect in every way. No need to improve. It’s absolutely perfect.

Also, perfect is often used as a “future” word.

When it is ever perfect? Maybe there are perfect moments, but our brains don’t work that way. We are constantly searching for ways to improve. Improvement, creativity, invention are all natural phenomena’s of our brain.

But when perfect stops us is the ruminating thought, once I make it perfect. Or when I do this, or when this happens it will be perfect. And so perfect often stops us from taking the action that we need to make DREAMS HAPPEN.

It’s a lot of worrying about things that haven’t happened. So what’s there to worry about? Keep it simple, have faith and take the leap.

If you fall down, think back a few years to when you learned to walk…

How many times do you think you fell? 1000’s maybe even 10s of thousands. But did that stop you? No! Did you not just keep getting up? Until you learned to RUN!

History says that success is built on failures.

And failure is another word for try it a different way. So if your there, right now, lying in the dirt, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the game.

Choice is where dreams are made. So dream big and take the leap.

Or if something is still stopping you from going after your dreams, take a deep breathe, and give me a call, I’ll promise to catch you if you fall. xoxoxA

Happiness tip 1. Journaling can bring you closer to happiness


Happiness tip 1

Is something dominating your thoughts today? Try journaling.

It’s not uncommon for us to unconsciously lock ourselves into a loop of unhappiness.

What is a dominating thought?

It could be called ruminating, worry or negativity. And it’s not a good thing. Whenever we are worried or stressed about anything.  The process creates the same internal state as any negative emotion.

Therefore ruminating is considered a negative emotional state. A middle brain process where negative emotions initiate stress chemicals and hormones to flush through our body and brain; creating the physical sensation of worry and stress.

Why is that important to understand?

In limbic brains’ search for a solution to our discomfort, it scans through millions of memories, for a pattern of behavior that was used in the past, to make this emotional state feel better.

Unfortunately the Limbic brains interpretation of today’s event does not have to be correct. It is simply identifying similarities in emotional patterns.

Here’s an example: Did you ever watch Sesame street? Big Bird and 4 pictures would come onto the TV screen and we were asked to identify similarities or differences.

Which if these things is not like the other. Which of these things doesn’t belong. Well the limbic brains search only reveals the similarity of emotions. How we felt about something. But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be anything like today’s situation. And it doesn’t mean that it was productive. In fact, it only means that your minds attempt to make yourself feel better followed a certain routine.

Why does it matter?

Because just maybe that was eating ice-cream! And you are trying to lose weight. Or any habit. Smoking or taking a drink… It could be almost any addiction. Or it could be anger, unhappiness.

Why does this happen?

These are embedded patterns of behavior deep within the mind. Consider it automated unconscious patterns. A sequence of behavior initiated by our brain meant to temporarily soothe these feelings of discontent, anger, frustration.

What happens next? We often notice that not too much later, the feelings of discontent return. Maybe rumination interrupts a good night’s sleep. You may notice yourself having a quick temper, or procrastination as the emotion rises to the surface again, possibly even accelerating the emotion.

What is even worse?

All result in limiting our ability to make good decisions, to be creative or productive. And even more important, it could interfere with your ability to feel happy.

So what is one solution to help return your sense of self and get you on the road and back to happy?

Journaling; but it must be done in a very specific way.

And I hear you say, why journaling? Sounds way too simple? Or maybe your thought is that it would be time consuming?

But how is journaling part of the solution?

Well a few things happen when you journal. It requires your brain to think. Meaning that journaling takes you out of an emotional state. Emotional processes take place within the Limbic brain. This immediately shifts your brain. By completing a task of journaling, you enter a cognitive function. Writing is cognitive process of the Neo-Cortex. Meaning you are no longer in the Limbic brain and that makes all the difference.

It’s like shifting the gears of your car. When you’re in first gear, you’re not in second. And so on.

You see, the Neo-Cortex is where you think, have the ability to rationalize, analyze and be creative.

About how does that help you? You have removed your focus on emotion, therefore lessoning the focus within the emotional limbic brain.

By giving the Neo-cortex a simple action, you have changed the brains.

How? First by identifying the emotion you are feeling. Secondly, writing the identified emotion into your journal. Writing, spelling and organizing our thoughts all require the neo-cortex to process. Thus our emotions lesson, because we are not in a limbic brain process.

How? Imagine a brain to be like a room in your house. When you are in the room, a light is on. When you leave that room, you turn off the light. Entering a different room, you turn on that light.

When the light is on, that is the brain in use.

How can we even understand ourselves at a deeper level?

Identifying not only why; but when; we feel a certain way. When have you felt this way in the past? Are your current feelings related to an old memory, an old event?

If the emotion was the same as an old event, the memory was triggered. When this happens, that emotion is brought forward in your mind. Like taking a book off the book shelf and looking at it. Even though the event can be different, it is your emotion that was the same or similar in some way.

How can you recognize this? Your reaction was swift.

And how can we stop this from happening? Awareness is a beginning of letting the emotion go. By first bringing the emotion forward, it becomes malleable. This is where the deep thinking process begins.

I can take you there, but if you’re still not ready…. Begin to journal. It is a happiness builder. Happiness tip 1: is journaling.

The Happiness Equation author shares his formula for how to be happy

The author of the best-selling book The Happiness Equation wasn’t always as cheerful as he is now.

Neil Pasricha started his daily blog, 1000 Awesome Things, as a form of therapy after going through a painful divorce and having his close friend kill himself. Continue reading The Happiness Equation author shares his formula for how to be happy

Is Your Inner Warrior Forsaken

Practice Warrior Love

When we speak to our inner warrior are we kind?

Or, do we beat up our Inner Warrior, the one that believes in us at all times, unless we tell it not to.

Our inner warrior is an easy target. Self inflicting pain is the way we often chose to hurt ourselves. How often do we recognize that we beat ourselves up, doubt our power, lessen our belief in ourselves. How often. Often.

Why do we do it? When we hurt, we sometimes blame ourselves for the pain we feel. Whether it is loneliness, stress, disappointed love, lose of a job or plane old unhappiness, it is easier to blame ourselves and fall into a pattern of self blame.  Why is it easy to head down the dark side? because, I notice that human beings can be terribly fragile. We are insular when we hurt, we have a difficult time reaching out. And the cycle of fighting our inner warrior becomes a pattern, maybe even a scape goat?

So what is blame all about? Understanding self limiting beliefs that allow us to blame ourselves when things are not perfect in our lives can become a pattern that limits our higher expression of who we want to be, who we are and how much we shine. Possibly blaming our inner warrior keeps us safe from a more powerful expression of greatness. Then we would really have put ourselves on the line and then what, what then if we fall from a greater height.

Beating ourselves up, is another way to say I am afraid of my own greatness. If I keep myself small, I won’t challenge or risk too much. It is safer…. maybe not.

Consider how empowering our self is an elemental key to our success, happiness and enjoying the full richness our our being. Notice when we feel strong and we love our inner warrior how we naturally shine, easily effortlessly and in harmony with our being.

I believe empowering our self is the link to spirit and to our higher connection with all that we hope and dream possible for ourselves.

We are capable of incredible generosity, compassion, empathy, rich and rewarding gifts of service, love and when we gift our inner warrior with our love, many things become possibly.

Love your inner warrior, relentlessly nurture your inner warrior. Find the powerful force that lies within yourself and shine shine shine.

Loneliness and Weight Loss

Loneliness interferes with weight loss

Anyone experienced loneliness? They can tell you, the wound of loneliness is deep. As deep as any physical injury. Yet wounds of the mind aren’t often recognized as such. And if you’re trying to lose weight? It’s affecting you more than mentally emotionally. It is affecting your desire for your future.

Dr. Guy Winch describes loneliness to a psychological injury. It distorts our perception of the world. Not only that. It is linked to similar health consequences caused by smoking cigarettes or having high blood pressure. Or high cholesterol. Loneliness is linked to weight gain and over-eating. And a depressed immune response. These are only a few of the physical concerns of being lonely.

Loneliness arises from many life circumstance. And maybe you’re trying to lose weight so  you feel better about getting out there and finding a mate? If that’s the case. We need to understand what’s happening inside our minds before we attempt to lose weight.

For example, if someone recently left a relationship. They may be feeling lonely.

Loneliness can be a result of rejection

Rejection also has a cycle. One related to an addiction cycle. Anxiety and stress rises when separated from someone. Whether its a child, lover or our self. rejection can also create self-limiting beliefs, lower self esteem and self worth.

In fact statistics say, loneliness makes us 14% more likely to die. The old saying goes; “she died of loneliness”, may be truer than we think.

When feelings of loneliness permeate our mind. Our body and soul aches. And many of us eat to make ourselves feel better. But then, uncontrolled eating can make us feel miserable, out of control. When this happens, many deepen the wound by self-inflicting mental cruelty. Like rubbing salt in a fresh cut. Our mental rumination becomes self induced malice. When we don;t like ourselves. We may wonder; “If I don;t like me,” will anyone else likes us. This can make us feel separate. Or make us withdrawal.

We then tend to look inward rather than reaching out for help. Our loneliness actually deepens a sense of separation. In the worse cases, it can drive some into clinical depression.

Winch goes on to say that negative and cruel rumination is habit forming and can cause us to limit our potential to succeed. So when we discuss weight loss, the same rings true. He goes as far as to say that many people’s “default self-limiting beliefs” convince them not to succeed. Meaning they operate below their full potential.

But there is hope; rumination can be interrupted through distraction. Once we become aware of our negative habit, we can interrupt our pattern with as little as a 2 minute distraction. Within a few short weeks, our negative pattern is lessoned and we rise above our lonely feelings.

We understand that changing one’s mind can be difficult. This is because our default belief system gives us an automated response to lonely. Yet something as simplistic as distraction can reverse the psychological and physical harm.

We understand that loneliness impacts our ability to access our willpower.

Loneliness is one big reason why we fail at dieting. When our willpower is suppressed, we tend to eat to make ourselves feel better. Unfortunately this form of “food” distraction, is self limiting and perpetuates our demise. The shot of Dopamine that floods our system, when we snack on high calorie junk food, quickly fades before cycling downward towards depression.

There are plenty of reasons to change our ways, beyond weight loss. Rising beyond outdated self-limiting beliefs, our reaction to life, on many levels can shift. We can operate at our full potential and we can convince ourselves of our success, by first taking control of our minds.

I believe cleaning up our psychology is the next human leap in, not only will it change our own lives, but that of mankind.

N.L.P. can get you there faster and I can help.

How our psychological wellness affects our physical bodies
How our psychological wellness affects our physical bodies

Swish Pattern for Excellence

Swish Pattern:

is an Neuro-Linguistics Programming that can assist in removing unwanted behavior and move you towards your desired outcome.

  • A: This technique is useful anytime you want to remove unwanted behavior or feelings and can transform it into a desired outcome.
  • In section one: We created a large empowered image of ourselves.
  • Close your eyes and recall this picture. I would like you to imagine this image again and then place this image of yourself, onto the cover of “TIME Magazine”
  • Make it as colorful as you can.
    • In your mind’s eye pick the magazine up. Smell the magazine, feel the cover, texture, weight and temperature of the magazine.
    • Listen to the sound as you turn the pages.
    • Listen to what your peers saying about seeing you on the cover?
    • What feelings do you have? Pride, accomplishment, gratitude.
    • Sear this picture of yourself on “TIME Magazine” into your mind in every detail. Congratulate yourself for this great achievement.


  • B: Now create a picture of yourself that includes the behavior you wish to remove. Place this picture onto a 5 by 7 piece of paper and put it into a picture frame. This is your “cue” picture. Store it in your mind.
  • C: Recall your “cue picture and visualize the picture frame of yourself on a table in front of you.
  • Reach over and take a black maker, place a large “dot” in the center of the picture.
  • This large “dot” is like a “shutter of a camera” and can open and close as you command.
  • Now bring forward, in your mind; your best self as shown on the cover of “TIME” and place the magazine on a stand behind the Cue picture.
  • Command the shutter to OPEN
  • Opening the shutter reveals your best self on the Time Magazine. You at your best.
  • Open your eyes
  • Repeat “C” 5 – 6 times. Each time you should end with the shutter open and you seeing your best self.
  • TEST:
    • Try to pull up; in your mind; the cue picture… it should be difficult.
    • Imagine your BEST self on the cover of Time. It should be easy and natural.