Tag: nlp is

Activate Super Powers, lose Weight Now!

When you want to lose weight, consider learning your Meta Model so you can activate your Super Powers.

Losing weight a mental emotional challenge often lost because we don’t understand what mental processes sabotage us.

If we truly understood our mental processes, how they work and why we make the choices we do, and why willpower is never ever enough, then we could have a weight loss experience beyond what often happens… or doesn’t happen, weight loss… lose weight now.

I became aware a long time ago that losing weight had more to do with what was going on in my head…

…than running on a treadmill or counting calories, I lost weight. First, I needed to understand what my motivations were, fear of fat, or wanting to please my mate. Was I running away from extra pounds or running towards wanting to be thin? The psychology to lose weight now, doesn’t have to be hard, illusive or a mystery, why so hard?… Can we lose weight now, do we have a choice? Yes we do, an absolute unlimited yes!

So if the treadmill isn’t working, if it is another New Years resolution that is quickly fading, don;t be so hard on yourself. It’s all in your head…. in a slightly dysfunctional was and quite possibly, all that is required is a shift of perspective. If we consider the first step is finding out how our brain process our experiences, before we decide to buy that gym membership, then what?

Brain science dictates what motivates us and how we can reach our goals. So ask yourself, what representational system are you? Are you a visual thinker or a Kinesthetic thinker. Do you process your world as an auditory or gustatory thinker? If you don’t know, you may not reach your weight loss goal.

Then consider that understanding your “meta model” may be important! If you don’t you may inadvertently be sabotaging yourself. What’s a Meta Model you ask?

Well as a Natural health and NLP mater practitioner, I want to understand if are you living life “in-time” or viewing it “through time”. Are you moving towards something or leaving something behind? Do you look at the big picture and want to know the general look and feel or do you want a step by step game-plan? Do you think about it first or jump right in.

Then, do you look for what is similar look for differences? Are you someone that just looks at something and say “I’ll try that” or do you want to see several sources of information before you decide if it is right for you?

Whatever you’re doing, are you doing it for yourself or for someone else? Do you like to be in a group or going solo? These are some of the nitty gritty to losing weight… So yes, get your gym membership, but don’t underscore the importance of the emotional game.

So when the New Year’s Resolution gets the best of you and you feel exasperated with your waning willpower, don’t be too hard on yourself. It really isn’t as much your fault as you may think.

When we become aware when we call our willpower (going to the gym) that it can be thwarted when we’re hungry, tired, stressed, angry or lonely, we better not rely so much on willpower and initiate our Super powers now! We all have them; we just need to learn how to access them.

So how do you do that?  First we have to become aware of what we don’t know, and some of the ways we can sabotage ourselves if we don’t have our superpowers activated. NLP is a perfect tool to move beyond old and into the unlimited now.

NLP accesses our sub-conscious mind, which supersedes our willpower. From this area of our brains we can expand beyond and realize our experiences in a new and fresh way. We learn what our old “normal” patterns are..  and then through a sequence of pattern interruptions and anchoring patterns we give our brains a new call option. Because NLP gives us access to more areas of our brain,  we quickly realize we have more tools and superpowers than we ever considered.

First, we have have to understand that many of us never really get to the point where our desire to truly change “outweighs” our resignation to remain the same.. Human beings don’t really like change… so getting a Super power resource is essential to success Now!

When you’re ready to accelerate your weight loss, When y

ou truly have the desire, let’s have a discussion. You can activate a FREE 30 minute consultation with me by scheduling your personal consult. https://lifecoachadele.com/fulfill-your-destiny-work-with-adele/ or 604-885-0562 or on skype: adele.anderson2

Are you moving towards or away from being an ex-smoker?

AS a NLP Master Practitioner, I ask my clients are you moving towards being an ex- smoker or are you leaving smoking behind. they go huh…:) I want to understand their “Meta Model”. So, then I ask why do you want to stop smoking, for health reasons, the odor, or are you doing it for your family?

Then I need to know how much research you have done? Have you read everything you can about it and know all the variables; because if you have you are a specific thinker and I need to know this. You will want the complete game plan.

Or are you a jump in a quite kind of person, you see the big picture but don’t really want to know all the inner working, just the end goal.

I am doing all this so I can understand the inner workings of YOUR mind…. so I can then reprogram your actions to a positive outcome of being a non-smoker.

There are other things I look for, representational systems, the types of words you chose to use. Are you visual or are you a kinesthetic thinker? I need to know.

Are you in-time or can you look ahead and already envision your non-smoker self. These are things that tell me how your brain processes information, I use this and much much more to trigger a new pattern of behavior, and it happens quite easily and naturally.

Then I can USE YOUR specific processing sequence to get the outcome YOU WANT.

This is pure psychology, willpower does not really come into play. I am “working the system” if you want to call it that.

I call this “smart” quitting rather than “struggle and willpower” quitting.

…And then I elicit the state of YOU as a non-smoker. I trick your subconscious mind into believing that you have already quit….hmmmm YUP!

This is the short version and you don’t have to know it all, unless your a specific thinker, then I can give you the step by step game plan. Yes there is a psychology behind quitting smoking and I can help. Or read more about me by booking a FREE 30 minute complimentary question period. https://lifecoachadele.com/fulfill-your-destiny-work-with-adele/

Communication and Representational Systems

Are you a kinesthetic communicator?

What does that mean? A kinesthetic communicator is one of 5 representational systems that humans use to describe their experiences.

It defines the way someone is processing their world through language. When we understand someone’s representational system, we can communicate better and build rapport. Once we have rapport, one is more likely to have them open up, get cooperation or make a sale. So by listening to the words that one uses in everyday language we can discovery a lot! And why does it matter in any way to you? We communicate everyday all day long. If we can be better it makes life easier all round. Communication and the relationships that either works well or suffer because of communication affects our lives every day, in families, neighbors, between coworkers and in the boardroom. Communication and representational systems cannot be underscored.

What situations can benefit you financially? Pretty much everywhere, because if you can get the right job, interviews, in sales and marketing unconscious communication plays an important role. It’s simply a good tool to have.

Think back to a time where you really felt that you really connected with someone. Why was that? What was it about that person that resonated with you? Possibly they were talking your language!

So how do you discover how to build rapport but understanding the clues in someone’s language? Look at the samples below and it will start to reveal the clues that you can look for. Then listen the next conversation you have today and discover the clues within their language, whether it is visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory or gustatory. And then add the next component, mirror their style. (Watch for my next module!)

So how do you find the clues? Everyone uses a combination of each representational system but one will be more prominent. We would want to use the most prominent one most and the second most utilized send and so on.

When a person is a “visual” speaker, they predominately use “visual” type words.

Here are some examples: A visual person will use visual word to talk about experiences. They may say something like: It’s pretty clear to me that you have a bright future. I’ve been watching you and I can plainly see in my mind eye, that you know where you’re heading. It appears to me, your focus is on the bulls-eye, no tunnel vision there, I think you have a good perspective on things.

If you’re an auditory person, your expressions would be sound a bit like this: I hear ya. I don’t want you to think that I am outspoken, but I have been listening to what you’re saying and I hear your message loud and clear. You seem to go about your business quietly, I hear you talking to your team, you articulate so clearly. It was a really good CALL. Why I am telling you this, to tell you the truth, is that something that you said the other day really rang a bell with me. It seems to harmonize with my personal beliefs, it resonated with me…

If you’re a kinesthetic person, you probably like the outdoors, athletics and have chosen a career where you use your hands, like a carpenter, mechanic or  thinker, you may say. Even when I feel the pressure at work, I handle the stress well. I typically feel pretty relaxed.

Or: Yes I noticed, you’re a smooth operator, even when something slips your mind, when it boils right down to things; you’re sharp as a tack. I noticed when there’s a moment of panic or when things get heated, you just hang in there, pull a few strings and it seems like it all calms down ME.

A Gustatory/olfactory person might say things like. Something spoiled my day today. It was like swallowing a bitter pill, still feeling a little sour. It really stinks when that happens. I need to go for a walk and clear this staleness out of my mind. The fresh air will do me good, get me ready for a fresh start tomorrow.

I think you’re getting the hang of this? (which representational system did I use?)

Here are some to ponder and place into the categories you thing they belong.

Hazy                                  Outspoken                       Grip                     Observe                            Scream

Flash                                  Vista                                CALL                  Pungent                            Mention

Inquire                              Rough                             Clumsy                Delicious                          Perceive

So try it out today, If you want to build rapport quickly, speak someone’s language. Adapt your language accordingly and by doing this they will feel like…  this person really “gets ME”.

 

Watch for mirroring next! And see how your communication skills skyrocket! Or give me a call and get a personal session in building rapport and more about hypnotic conversation…for building success each and every day.

 

 

Neuro-Linguistics Programming

 

Neuro-Linguistics Programming

Neuro-Linguistics Programming, known as N.L.P. is a combination of Linguistics, Cybernetics, Neuro-systems theory and psychology.

What is N.L.P

NLP psychologists came to understand that all experiences conscious and unconscious are processed through the central nervous system and our senses. Our linguistics gave meaning to our experiences by creating a code, organizing it within our minds and expressing it through language. It was discovered that we can re-program experiences by combining our interactive neurological systems and engaging one’s mind through a specific sequence of patterns.

What does N.L.P. do

It has the ability to motivate, teach a person how to use their brain to its upmost capacity, teaches one how to learn and excel, to make positive behavior changes. NLP teaches one how to study the excellence of others and then teaches the skills to enhance excellence in them. N.L.P. can desensitize fears; relieve emotional pain and increase awareness, perceptions and new possibilities for opportunity.

Who uses N.L.P

People that want to move beyond their limits. People that want to be successful. Actors, professional athletes, Successful business persons, Politicians, psychologists, Councillors, therapists, Homeopaths, CEO’s, Human Resource managers, people in sales. Anyone can use N.L.P. to create excellence.

When do people seek out N.L.P
  1. To overcome a habits, addictions, fears or behavior that is interfering with their lives.
  2. For big events that are causing anxiety and fears: As a public speaking, athletics, studying for exams, sales, marketing, teaching.
  3. Where ever communication is used. In business, the boardroom, family dynamics. N.L.P. teaches you how to communicate more clearly and with greater impact.
  4. Children that find school uninteresting, not very fun or difficult
  5. A person who is suffering from low self esteem
  6. A person grieving the lose of a loved one or the lose of a relationship that they can’t seem to get over.
How does N.L.P. help

N.L.P. changes the programming of old emotional experiences and creates new stronger and more empowering patterns for the mind to default to. By creating a new and stronger pattern for old behavior, fears or self-limiting beliefs lose their power. N.L.P. utilizes the unconscious mind to achieve power over Willpower, analytical and rational choices that can always be thwarted when one is hungry, angry, lonely or tired. By bi-passing these limiting mind functions we can easily and naturally gain powerful tools to expand one’s abilities now and in the future and move beyond what had held one back in the past.

Why is N.L.P. important

NLP is a game changer. It allows us to expand our minds and achieve excellence beyond what we had imagined. Once we become aware of the unlimited power of our unconscious mind and realize that we can access this power now, our belief in our future is unlimited.

Start now www.lifecoachadele.com

Mind Mapping Inner Critic, Mind Mapping your Inner Expert!

indecision, confusion or enlightenment.
Psychological mind mapping for success

Here is how we begin to understand and re-work the limbic brains mind mapping.

The strength is in reprogramming any limiting Mind Maps within the Inner Expert through positive powerful expression!
Mind mapping is taking unconscious thoughts and becoming conscious. What are we thinking about? Are we dwelling on something that is bothering us?

If we are thinking or dwelling negatively, the biological processes attached to ever thought, word or action is actively in process. Whenever we are thinking negative expression then the flow of neuro-hormones into the body are stress related…. so by unconsciously allowing negative thinking bad/ sad thoughts, we are really are harming our bodies.

Psychology states that we have a choice to think about any event or experience in either a positive or negative way. When we choose positive we engage a great immune response, so even with an imperfect experience we still win.
Adopt personal empowerment through conscious thought processes. When our inner critic is engaged, take back personal power and consciously change thoughts around the event.

For example: A situation of stress. Science says that is we think stress is bad for us, then it is, however those people that think their stress empowers them to action, have positive physiology while experiencing stress! Our thoughts play a gigantic role in what physiological reaction occurs within.

I like to keep my inner psyche empowered and I use a process called “I am’s.

“I Am’s” are great for empowering ourselves, so Go big!

I am compassionate

I am Resilient

I am Resourceful

I am effortlessly pursuing my dreams

I am grateful for my abundant life

I do mine daily, to re-enforce what I am! Or who I want to be……. my best self!

Psychology states that repeating positive thoughts over time, creates a road map in the brain that believes the thought to be the truth. The unconscious brain does not recognize the difference between what we are and what we “want to be”. So by repeating or “practicing” mentally to be better at something or to “be” something makes the brain believe it is true.

Action begins in the mind, like anything you have ever striven towards, the thoughts came first, then action, then through consistence passion, practice and striving, can become success!

SUCCESS!! We say it, then play it and realize it, and have fun while doing it! Fun and laughter makes our brains learn easily. Learning becomes effortless. Effortless is a mind set just like happiness. We are in control of what we choose to think, learn and take action on.

Consider the word “busy” as a limiting mindset, so by eliminating “busy” from our vocabulary and replacing it with a positive mindset word, before long we notice that we no longer feel too busy.

What does it all mean? We change our thoughts, we change the way we feel and react to our life!

What we think we are limited by, therefore becomes limiting. What we are not limited by becomes limitless. If this were true, then isn’t anything possible?

If we could simply empower ourselves, through the thoughts, words and language that we choose to use, then what would our thoughts be…… Think and feel limitless and see what happens. For example:

I am empowered” by my inner expert. “I have the ability within to create the life I want.” If this became our thought process, we would be shocked by HOW MUCH WE KNOW!

As a coach I prove this to people everyday. The infinite wisdom is within each of us. We just need to tap into it.

Take the next 20 minutes……. and think about what you are pursuing right now. What is limiting success? What are 20 ways to remove the limitation. Then add pen to paper and write every idea you have to move you through what is stopping you from your success. Enroll a friends help. Brainstorm!

We have the power, we just need to access it. We just need to take action! The answers are there, it you ask the right question, keep it positive.

And then the inner critic says ………. You can never do this, your not special…well if you think that it will always be. I asked a neighbor the other day. So how’s it going? She said life isn’t treating me so well….. hmmmm.

It was not an appropriate time for me to know more, but positive change starts in the mind.

Empowerment starts by getting up in the morning and looking for a way through the things that are not going the way you would like. The DESIRE to change or the desire to stay in the same pattern.

When life get really intense, then we truly have the desire to change. But what if it didn’t have to be that way. What if we could make the choice today for a new experience, one filled with all your most fulfilling rewards! I think it is possible, if the desire, resilience and action behind the desire to change is taken. One small step at a time….. step straight into your greatest life! It’s our choice!

But then the inner critic says….. My life is different, that is why things are this way..

Excuses are limiting beliefs, plane and simple.

But then the thought arises, my problems are painful, I’m grieving a loss…

I say yes……….. my compassion and empathy goes out to you and time is needed to allow  healing in many situations. You need to nurture yourself as you move through the loss. Great loss can be empowering on many levels.

Yes we cry to help our bodies heal and, yes we mourn the loved ones that have passed. The deep sadness can be profound, around a death of a loved one.  Even in grief there is love and bonding.

People show their best selves, A neighbor drops by with a pie. We have conversations with brother’s sister’s and friends. We share, we bond. Friends, family and people we thought we barely knew come from a long way off to show their deepest respects. This is the sweet within the sour. It is there for us to see in our deepest hours or need.

I’d like to share a couple stories with you. Here is a personal example. At my Father-in-laws funeral, we greeted over 800 people, stood for 2 days, 12 hours each day just for receiving well wishers.

People that we had never met, family and friends we hadn’t seen for so very long came. Cousin offered us amazing lunches and dinners. Food kept arriving a the door. The generosity of people….

Other things also happened too, heartwarming surprises. What people came for, the words they need to pass on. I always have a couple amazing lines that stay with me and I will share with you now.

My Father-in-law David had been a simple man, nothing fancy, just generous and kind in nature. Many people come by a give their condolences, some stopped and shared a story.

I had a women in her 60s come up and take my hand. She said: When I was a little girl, our wagon went into the ditch, David came along and pulled us out, he was so kind to us, I thought I would pay respects for him today. I looked at this little old woman and my heart opened. 50+ years ago a stranger; David; had helped them out of an accident, she was just a child and she never forgot. I don’t think David would have remembered the event but it made a major impact on this little girl.

Her simple profound words stay with me today, a simple kindness several decades passed and still it mattered to someone that she came to a funeral to give thanks. AMAZING…..

And then there are other grateful moments. I have never been at a service, where somewhere within all the sorrow that people feel, there is always laughter, the remembering of good times. This is a positive spin on a sad experience.

In the end, I have chosen to remember David’s kindness, through a story told to me from a stranger, rather his death. This is the positive thought process of a sad event.

Another situation could be a teen crashing the family car. It could be easy to express anger about the car or be grateful the teen is alive. It’s just a car…….a replaceable object, a material thing. When we remove “anger” from the event we have an opportunity for dialogue.

A possible turning point, a place to begin, a place for change. Where anger could fuel negativity and create lasting damage. When we deal with the psychology of the mind, there is no where within anger for listening or understanding. Anger is often without the ability for rational thought, a different brain process that has so many limitations.

The essence of positive mind mapping? A positive spin on thoughts can be liberating and empowering.

Negative mind mapping? Whenever one feels offended and if one is holding a grudge, really negative and damaging thoughts often overwhelm. It often take years of self-torture to let a grudge go, so why take so long, who is it serving?

  • Do they even know.
  • Do they even care.
  • Letting go of a grudge is self-empowerment, a gift we give ourselves.

Release the thoughts that are holding your attention to an unpleasant event.

  • It’s not about them! Ha!
  • It’s our thoughts. We have choice! It comes down to consciously choosing to suffering!

Let go of YOUR suffering. Not only are you suffering mentally, your physiology is deadly….. try to find the positive, the letting go, think of it as cleaning the house and throwing out all the useless junk that has accumulated.

  • And TAKE THE psychological GARBAGE OUT
  • Don’t pick it up again today, mole it over in your mind until your seething.
  • Don’t keep moving it around to pick it up again in a few weeks.
  • TAKE THE psychological GARBAGE OUT and kick it to THE CURB.

 

adele@fulfillyourdestiny.ca
Your Mind Map Coach!

Contact or learn more about Adele Anderson LinkedIn:
Inner Critic Mind Mapping

Struggling Communication, Psychology of Active Listening can help you

human mind - a concept design
Psychology of active listening

Are you struggling with your communication skills? Is it keeping you from gaining a promotion at work or a better quality relationship? Then, the psychology of communication, mind mapping and active listening can really help your cause. Lazy to Active Listening can empower you!

To understand better, some insight into the psychology of mind mapping is needed. We need to understand how our brains mind map and then relate that to our own psychology in order to understand why “Lazy Listening” plays an important role in poor communication.

Lazy listening actually triggers automated mind mapping mechanisms of the Reptilian and Limbic Brains. You’re not in control……hmmm. Danger zone!

Let’s talk about how that happens. You need to understand our 3 different brains and how they process information.
This is empowering!
Humans have 3 brains.

  1. The Reptilian Brain- the reactive (mind mapped) instinctual brain.
  2. The Limbic Brain rests on top of the Reptilian brain. It’s our emotional mind mapping patterns brain.
  3. The Neo-Cortex sits on top the Limbic brain- our rational brain. (Does not fully mature until the age of 7-8 years)
    1. This means our development years are all survival (reactive) and revolves around emotional brain mind mapping patterns. Reactive and emotional neural mind mapping patterns become deeply ingrained prior to our ability to rationalize. Think about that!

So to the point? Why is it important to remove lazy listening from your psychology? Lots of great reasons. Listening is a skill that is a shortage and in demand. People that practice active listening are:

  1. More effective and productive
  2. Have more chances to influence others and gain advancement
  • Develop trust, respect and rapport with others
  1. Are considered better leaders and team members.
  2. Make better customer service representatives
  3. Are persuasive and are better negotiators
  • Avoid misunderstandings

Facts are (Adler, R Rosenfeld L Proctor, R 2001)

  • 70% of our day communicating.
    • 45% Listening
    • 30% Speaking
    • 16% Reading
    • 9% Writing

Listening is not the same are hearing,“I hear ya” But do you really?

Active listening requires effort:

  • Stop talking, don’t think about your rebuttal, make eye contact, focus, remove distraction and prepare yourself to listen.
  • Relax, breathe, put the speaker at ease and give them your attention
    • Nod, gesture, lean inward, make eye contact, paraphrase
  • Empathize, understand their perspective, be open-minded, impartial, suspend judgement, do not jump to conclusions.
  • Listen for ideas, themes, threads of conversation, the story. Watch for non-verbal gestures: facial expressions, body gestures and eye movement. What is not being said is just as important.
  • Listen for tone, emotion, verbal and non-verbal clues.

Listening requires MORE than the sense of hearing.

Barriers to listening:

  • Anxiety
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Impatience
  • Lack of sleep
  • Distraction
  • Short attention span
  • Limbic Brain: emotional pattern recognition
  • Limbic Brain: reactive

Learning how to dis-engage the mind mapping Limbic Brain. Slowing down your thinking processes by active listening allows time for the Neo-Cortex to engage. Allow time to focus on what is being said without engaging your emotional mind mapping pattern recognition process. Breathe, focus, remove distraction and be impartial.

By being impartial you have a better opportunity to detach an emotional mind map pattern of the Limbic brain. It is your choice to attach an emotion to an event or a story. It’s NOT your story. It is THEIR story.

By allowing them to tell their story, without you engaging your personal emotional neural pattern, you will keep your heart rate steady. You will also be able to think with your Neo-cortex brain about what is being said rather than becoming emotionally engaged.

The brain has the capacity to think 600% faster than most people talk. The brain is going a mile-a-minute in the background. While someone else is talking, your brain runs all types of “what-if” scenarios and rebuttals. Examples: “I had the same experiences… let me tell you mine…… let ME talk.” Or you may be thinking about how long till you pick up the kids, or what’s for dinner instead of actively listening to what is being said. Considering you will only retain 25-50% OF WHAT is being said, give it your best shot!

Stop the chatter and learn “active listening” skills. Stop reacting!

When we engage emotionally, we make assumptions, (ingrained emotional neural patterns of the Limbic Brain) judgmental opinions or rebuttals, rather than allowing ourselves to engage in slow, open minded rational thought.

Quick responses are more likely to be reactive or emotionally biased and don’t fare well in any situation. Over-reaction adds stress.

So step back, listen fully, respectfully and respond with an inquisitive mind.

Active Listening TIPS:

  1. I use a little tool: I pinch my thumb and for-finger together, signalling my brain that I am now paying attention to what is being said. I lean in and make eye contact.
    1. It is a small physical signal that sets me into the “mode” of listening. It becomes automated. If you catch yourself drifting, then paraphrase; ‘get back on track; make sure you are following the thread.’

Repeat the pressure of thumb and forefinger, lean in, make eye contact, paraphrase and focus.

  1. Be inquisitive! By being interested, you train your brain to actively listen to what is being said.
  2. By clarifying that you truly understood what is being said, you can engage the brain in a different pattern of thinking, which creates new neural pathways. It shows respect, builds trust and rapport with others.
    1. “I’m curious; are you saying…..” I am not sure I understood, can you give me an example?”
  3. Don’t interrupt! When we become excited or emotionally engaged, we have a tendency to interrupt. You will always learn more by listening than by talking.
  4. Remember, it is not “your” story, it is theirs, so try not to high-jack it!! When you attach an emotion to an event, you make it YOUR story. It is not YOUR story.
    1. An emotional response is simply a recognition of 3 points of a similar story. An emotional patterns, often deeply ingrained in our Limbic Brain before the age of 8, is engaged. As you know, assumptions are quite often wrong, 8 –year- old’s emotional patterns, brought forward by the Limbic brain. These re-occurring emotional patterns can add allot of stress to anyone’s life and stress is not healthy for anyone.
  5. Listen until they have stopped talking and then breathe thoughtfully before you respond. By pausing before responding, you will have their full attention.

These small effective tools will allow your mind to remain calm and all your internal mechanisms will respond in the same manner. When using rational thought processes, we are less likely to engage an emotional response.

Emotional responses are stressors. Learn why it is important for your health not to continually engage stressors and the chemical process that leave your immune responses weakened.

What for my next blog

Xo Adele Anderson 

Moms create happy families through communication and values

 

Families thrive while some moms’ struggle to find the happy balance.

Let’s face it a happy family makes a happy life. But when happiness ebbs, and it will, what strategies will shift the family together rather than apart?

 

Communication and strong core values will help your family bond. The ability to feel respected, trust each other and openly communicate.

 

What are core values?

The values you want your kids to have. When we don;t think about it but the ideals that define how you live. How you want them to live.

 

Ideas like:

  • “Respect your elders”
  • “Treat others how you wish to be treated” (kind, respectful)
  • “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” (eat and play healthy)

 

Core values become the defining beliefs we live by. When we stray from them we don’t feel good.

 

Our senses rise up and say, that makes me feel uncomfortable. Why? Because we have done or witnessed something that goes against “how” we behave and live in the world.

 

Having strong well defined family values set the foundation; of how you wish your children to live and behave within the world.

 

Core values defines principles for work,

play

and love

and establishes perspective and importance of traditions,

morals

and ethics,

spiritual and religious ideals for immediate family,

social communities and the world.

 

When families bond with their core values, they are stronger within themselves as they have a foundation that holds them together through life’s trials.

 

 

Being a part of a group is important to all of us as human beings. In evolution being part of a group was essential to survival, hunting and security.

 

In childhood development; evolutionary psychology: Belonging to a healthy family group

  • The child feels secure
  • Accepted
  • Loved
  • Develops a strong self-esteem.

 

Children quickly learn the foundation, structure and boundaries.

 

The child learns that by conforming to family ideals:

  • Phrase
  • Reward
  • Love may be offered

 

Where straying from family values:

  • May lead to denial of love
  • Denial of affection
  • Punishment.

 

In the extreme, non-conformity could include exile, separation from the family and sometimes death.

 

Families can have extremely different values. Core values span generations, linked to culture, religion, and country’s political and social norms.

 

Some cultural values differ for boys’ verses girls, men verses women. Gender differences  may occur when values are linked to politics and control.

  • Fear
  • Conformity and punishment, can keep entire populations observing the political values defined.

 

We can see both moderate and extremes within families values in every country. Consider gender equality verses subordination and dominance and the rights of self-determination. Each element can be seen within our communities.

 

We could consider that political values change much slower than social values, witnessed through revolutions, where people stand up and say; No more”, to tyranny.

 

According to evolutionary psychology, this model; freedom of expression and communication tends to create a happier family environment.

 

Family values can evolve and open dialogue can be key in maintaining a strong family bond as it evolves.

 

Open dialogue allows exploration.

of new ideas outside of traditional family values and can be considered an evolution of psychology if it moves towards a greater good.

 

Communication can always be an opportunity; through expression, tones, body language, volume and eye contact; to deepen family bonds.

 

Many of us may have experienced how communication can be misleading when we cannot see expression, as in over the phone or through email or texting.

 

Communication or lack thereof can quickly devolve a relationship.

 

Communication is essential to building, maintaining and evolving family values

as family members’ grow as individuals, through education, exposure and diversity expand their views of the world.

 

Communication is opportunity to explore these new and evolving personal concepts and to develop mutual respect.

 

Exploring the expanding individualization of the family, honesty, trust and empathy; instilled in early family values; become fundamental to open dialogue.

 

What is the intention of family communication?
  • To listen
  • Respond with respect and kindness
  • Interest and curiosity
  • The child has a safe environment to express and share thoughts.
  • Listening to understand rather than to respond can reinforce trust and respect within the family.

 

When trust is a part of family norms, then a parent may be considered a trusted adviser and this is a valuable opportunity for every parent.

 

On a wider social scale; when respect is both given and received within the family group; the flow of mutual respect into other groups such as school, work and outer social groups and communities can be witnessed.

 

Respect could be considered a building block of honesty and trust. 

 

The willingness to forgive others is connected to generosity of spirit, empathy is involved. Generosity in our judgment of others, generosity of time, compassion and thoughtfulness come together and is learned within family values.

 

When we consider evolutionary growth, curiosity and passion also need to be present; absent of fear, judgment or punishment.

 

When curiosity is present, families discover things unknown.

 

Curiosity reciprocated allows ideas to be explored individually and along side of family values. When psychological evolution is encouraged, individualization and creative thought; outside of family values is listened to with an open mind.

 

Within the exploration of a new idea, there is an opportunity for the family to communicate how they feel about a topic; without judgement; simply by asking curious questions, with respect, love and honesty.

 

Effective listening skills are integral to family values.

 

Through listening, the child’s world expands and can be viewed
  • Ideas
  • Hopes
  • Dream
  • Concerns can be discovered.

 

From an open-mined space happiness thrives
  • Free of ridicule; the child can explore the world in an empowered way, with no fear of open conversation around any theme.

 

Family groups that allow individual thoughts and discussion, tend to be happier and have stronger bonds.

 

With themes outside of family values are opened within a family where communication is based “telling” or “demanding” conformity or one sided respect, trust may dissolve within the group and potentially close dialogue within the group.

 

Possibility of the child separates from the family and trying to join another “group” more aligned to un-discussed ideas. Different and yet they feel like they belong.

Gangs understand the deep desire of belonging.  Indoctrination into gang culture, language, inclusion, tradition and beliefs can attract those who are missing this connection to values. Therefore searching for a place of belonging.

 

Values and the communication of them can be both empowering or alienating. According to the family dynamics, cultural, political and economic values could be a consideration.

 

A respectful conversation; around core values; creating core values through discussion. An open, honest environment can be created early. And may go a long way to salvaging the family struggling for survival while fostering a healthy happy family circle.

 

 

until we speak in person, stay well

xo

Adele

Dopamine Could Be Your Happiness Train, Jump On!

Happiness

Dopamine Happiness? How does it all work?

Happiness is a choice according to The Science of happiness. Forgiveness, generosity, attitude and positivism all have measurable psychological benefits.

We have all experienced how good it feels to be kind, caring and supportive. The power of surrounding ourselves with other “happy” or positive people verses the negativity we experience in space that brings everyone’s energy down. What is that?

A significant player in the happiness game is; dopamine a brain neuro-receptor; that is responsible for some of the pain/ pleasurable feelings we experience. But it is not all fun and games.

The alter ego of Dopamine neuro-receptors is also present in any addiction process, with feelings of pleasure flooding the brain while engaging in certain activities. High octane exercise, adrenalin sports, drugs, food, sugar, gambling, alcohol, chocolate, cigarettes, caffeine and other addictions like texting can all be contributed to the pleasure responses of the brain.

I know, I hear my internal critic quickly taking over my thoughts. You have that, oh no, you have that too… well not all is lost!

Without Dopamine we have reduced feelings of well-being.

We may experience insomnia, fatigue, loss of concentration, reduced attention span, mood swings, and lower creative ability. More serious, reduced Dopamine levels are noted in Schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s’, ADHD, and Parkinson’s.

Increased levels of Dopamine can be related to competitive and aggressive behavior and increased impulse control and credited for the rise of Homo sapiens on the evolutionary scale. Its’ importance in our systems cannot be underscored. Can we control it or does it control us? Do we have a choice?

Where is the “happy” medium, if Dopamine is part of the reason WHY it is so hard to stop an addictive behavior? When it comes to food, it may be explained by Evolutionary Psychology. Food is a survival response. Evolutionary speaking, humans need food in order to survive, a strong pleasure response to food keeps us desiring more…..we eat, we don’t starve to death.

The fast food industry knows this evolutionary physiological trigger well. Fast food is BIG science, getting the biggest dopamine release to keep us eating and returning for more. Even simple food aromas activate the Dopamine response, and it is causing an epidemic of #obesity which has nothing to do with happiness.

The double whammy? The physiological pleasure response is strengthened each time Dopamine enters the system. It re-enforces the behavior. So can we trick our response mechanism into re-enforcing the behavior we choose? How? Well there is a how to.

Reprogramming the pleasure triggers is an essential part of any recovery process. Being aware and understanding the psychology is essential. Learn how to fill the dopamine voids with other experiences that engages the pleasure response.

Sex, massage, exercise, eating smaller meals more regularly, dance often, practice yoga, & meditation and add certain supplements that enhance Dopamine production. Amino acids from meat and fish sources are beneficial. Try not to get it all in one reading, that creates that overwhelmed stressed out feeling? Chunk your learning, small usable chunks. Prioritize, use your through-time skills, look forward, make a plan, draw it out, scale it out, revise it, contingency, rewards, schedule it, play with it, be consistent, be persistent, change your behavior, find your weight goals and happiness.

According to the Washington University in St. Louis, studies aren’t convinced that Dopamine is the culprit as much as attitude and eating behavior.

My solution is to develop a concrete action plan to manage your mental, emotional and physical health and wellness, and find someone that will help keep you on-track, give you the tools to succeed at weight loss.  Support you in weight goals, hold the space, keep you focused, coaching can help you achieve your goals.

Until then…

Stay well,

Adele Anderson

Xo