Tag: psychology

Decompress Stress

Holiday season often ramps our stress. Maybe we want to please, maybe it is expected that we give.

And even though giving is a happiness builder, giving beyond our means might bring stress.

Today I offer some understanding of what is happening inside our minds and how we can empower ourselves to have a different perspective on giving.

Decompressing Stress

Fear of Flying And Is It Rational?

Most of the things we fear are irrational. We all know that. The things we worry about are often unfounded.

But there is it, that knot in the pit of our stomach, FEAR! When I was young, I LOVED to fly. I found it exciting and filled with the possibility of going somewhere to have more fun. And then the plan that I was in, crashed.

Why boarding a small plane still makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Is a Fear of Flying rational?

Possibility creates worry and anxiety?

Possibility can be GREAT or not so great.

Maybe not what you considered, but “possibility” simply is something that could or could not happen. And that makes possibility the unknown.

When life choices fall into the unknown, they may create worry and worry creates anxiety.

Part of the problem lay in the many choices we face. And you say well choice is good right? And I say for sure. But think of it this way.

Many find making a decision difficult. And the more times it is difficult makes the next decision possibly difficult?

Why? It’s like training the dog.

we repeat repeat repeat and then the doggie gets it. And we reward them. But in mind science we often don’t consider training.

We train for a marathon. But do we often train our mind for the bigger marathon of life!

Train for decision making?

And when we don’t we feel shaky. As in nervous, shakin’ in our boots shaky. Why because having a difficult time choosing puts our mind in limbo. And we don’t do “limbo” well. It stand in the class of not being in control, or even perceived control.

Psychology states we must at least have the semblance of control, even if it perceived. (meaning not necessarily true). So even the attempt at decisions making makes us feel better.

And the facts are, making a choice typically doesn’t have to be fatal. (unless up the creek without a paddle) Or skydiving without a para-shoot.

Turns out making any decision is better; for our mind; than making no decision at all.

Three things happen.

  1. Decisions are goal setters. Gives us purpose and intention. Maybe the move doesn’t take us exactly where we want to go. Doesn’t mean we won’t come to a cross-road. There we change course, by making another choice.
    1. But we learned where that road lead. So it was helpful even though it wasn’t the best choice.
    2. Our minds felt more in control of our situation.
  2. If you look at the pic. It shows possibilities. That’s a lot for our minds to think about. So much information to gather on each possibility. The energy expended when we fail to make a decision is mind boggling. It creates stress! The result in loss of clarity, inefficient and stuck.
  3. The mind becomes trained. To make decisions and choice, rather than stagnate. A decisive mind holds less worry, anxiety and stress.

Start small

Small and unquestionable stuff. We begin with socks and underwear.

Socks. What socks are you going to put on today.

Underwear: What underwear are you going to put on.

Then we graduate: Lunch. Choose you lunch.

Each time a choice is made, your mind strengthens. So what’s next?

You choose. Today’s exercise, a weekend plan or laundry.

Like all “exercises, we build expertise. before long decisive decisions will feel natural and easy.

Stay well out there.

I’m here if you are wanting to fast track your training. I’m reachable below

xoxo Adele

Investing in Your life for Balance and Fullfillment

Investing In Your Life For Balance and Fulfillment

Author: Jane Sandwood

Life moves at breakneck speed, often leaving us feeling overwhelmed and defeated. We all have the power within ourselves to find balance in life and to live without regrets. These are a direct result of living life in a way that is out of balance and unfocused. Luckily, the desire for peace of mind and the notion of living a balanced life is becoming increasingly important, leading people to desire harmony between all the elements that form part of a fulfilling life.

By making an investment in certain aspects of life, our lives will be healthy, balanced and fruitful. There is no point in living a life with certain parts flourishing while others fade away. Intelligence is futile when your health is dwindling just as how there is no point to having a successful career if you can’t maintain positive interpersonal relationships. We need to do everything in our power to lead healthy, balanced lives in order to be truly happy and well-adjusted in our modern times.

Spiritual well-being

This part of your life is concerned with your values, the principles you choose to follow and your conscience. It also addresses how you comprehend the perception of a higher being. It is important to invest time in developing your spirituality and you can achieve this by meditating, engaging in activities that will spread your beliefs among others and assembling with like-minded people.

Our bodies

Our bodies are the vessels in which our souls reside and it is very important to keep them in good shape. Disease and injury can both ravage the body and cause death if not treated timeously. Both time and money should be invested in maintaining your body’s health and well-being and can be achieved by following a healthy diet and exercising regularly.

Our relationships

Relationships are a very important part of our lives and include all our bonds with friends, family members, colleagues and mentors. Relationships can either be physical, emotional or a combination of the two. It is important to invest time and money into your relationships as the people around you can be your rocks of support during trying times, consoling us and helping restore balance and joy to our lives. Our relationships are a part of our lives deserving our unrelenting, focused attention.

Our minds

Our minds are our seats of intelligence, with us governing it to produce ideas and thoughts. The modern world is advancing at a tremendous speed, necessitating us to learn new things and retain the information. It is of vital importance to invest in our minds to enrich them as much as possible.

Spend some time meditating, invest in a class or complete puzzles to make your brain fire faster. Engaging in these activities regularly will lead to an increase in mental capability and an overall better quality of life.
Each part of our lives is of importance and contributes to a holistically healthy and balanced lifestyle. If one part of our beings is neglected the others will not be able to thrive. If you do, however pay equal attention to all of them you will be able to live a perfectly balanced life.

Contributing writer
Jane Sandwood

We never regret investing in ourselves. The reward is balance and fulfillment

Know the difference between failure and choosing because it affects your happiness

Happiness tip 3 Know the difference between failure and choosing.

Why do so many have difficulty choosing. Well, it could be that choosing is associated with the possibility of failure. And so, choose nothing.

What is choice? An option, or a possible course of action

What is failure? Lack of success or feelings of non-fulfillment.

Why is choice so important?

It moves us. Takes us towards a possible action that creates something we want. Choice is forward momentum, towards success or through failures that arise.

So why do so many have difficulty choosing?

Failure and choosing may sound different but have quite a few similarities.

Both stop many from proceeding. Inside the mind the feelings are similar. A fear of failure and a fear of making the wrong choice, feel the same. Because they both share the emotion, fear.

Why is that important? It creates a pattern of behavior. In many people, the resulting pattern is stagnation. Doing nothing, or not taking the leap at all.


And it is OK to have your ducks in a row, but perfection is often overrated. I consider it a dream breaker actually.

WHY? Because I hardly ever hear someone say to me, it’s perfect in every way. No need to improve. It’s absolutely perfect.

Also, perfect is often used as a “future” word.

When it is ever perfect? Maybe there are perfect moments, but our brains don’t work that way. We are constantly searching for ways to improve. Improvement, creativity, invention are all natural phenomena’s of our brain.

But when perfect stops us is the ruminating thought, once I make it perfect. Or when I do this, or when this happens it will be perfect. And so perfect often stops us from taking the action that we need to make DREAMS HAPPEN.

It’s a lot of worrying about things that haven’t happened. So what’s there to worry about? Keep it simple, have faith and take the leap.

If you fall down, think back a few years to when you learned to walk…

How many times do you think you fell? 1000’s maybe even 10s of thousands. But did that stop you? No! Did you not just keep getting up? Until you learned to RUN!

History says that success is built on failures.

And failure is another word for try it a different way. So if your there, right now, lying in the dirt, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the game.

Choice is where dreams are made. So dream big and take the leap.

Or if something is still stopping you from going after your dreams, take a deep breathe, and give me a call, I’ll promise to catch you if you fall. xoxoxA

Happiness tip 1. Journaling can bring you closer to happiness


Happiness tip 1

Is something dominating your thoughts today? Try journaling.

It’s not uncommon for us to unconsciously lock ourselves into a loop of unhappiness.

What is a dominating thought?

It could be called ruminating, worry or negativity. And it’s not a good thing. Whenever we are worried or stressed about anything.  The process creates the same internal state as any negative emotion.

Therefore ruminating is considered a negative emotional state. A middle brain process where negative emotions initiate stress chemicals and hormones to flush through our body and brain; creating the physical sensation of worry and stress.

Why is that important to understand?

In limbic brains’ search for a solution to our discomfort, it scans through millions of memories, for a pattern of behavior that was used in the past, to make this emotional state feel better.

Unfortunately the Limbic brains interpretation of today’s event does not have to be correct. It is simply identifying similarities in emotional patterns.

Here’s an example: Did you ever watch Sesame street? Big Bird and 4 pictures would come onto the TV screen and we were asked to identify similarities or differences.

Which if these things is not like the other. Which of these things doesn’t belong. Well the limbic brains search only reveals the similarity of emotions. How we felt about something. But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be anything like today’s situation. And it doesn’t mean that it was productive. In fact, it only means that your minds attempt to make yourself feel better followed a certain routine.

Why does it matter?

Because just maybe that was eating ice-cream! And you are trying to lose weight. Or any habit. Smoking or taking a drink… It could be almost any addiction. Or it could be anger, unhappiness.

Why does this happen?

These are embedded patterns of behavior deep within the mind. Consider it automated unconscious patterns. A sequence of behavior initiated by our brain meant to temporarily soothe these feelings of discontent, anger, frustration.

What happens next? We often notice that not too much later, the feelings of discontent return. Maybe rumination interrupts a good night’s sleep. You may notice yourself having a quick temper, or procrastination as the emotion rises to the surface again, possibly even accelerating the emotion.

What is even worse?

All result in limiting our ability to make good decisions, to be creative or productive. And even more important, it could interfere with your ability to feel happy.

So what is one solution to help return your sense of self and get you on the road and back to happy?

Journaling; but it must be done in a very specific way.

And I hear you say, why journaling? Sounds way too simple? Or maybe your thought is that it would be time consuming?

But how is journaling part of the solution?

Well a few things happen when you journal. It requires your brain to think. Meaning that journaling takes you out of an emotional state. Emotional processes take place within the Limbic brain. This immediately shifts your brain. By completing a task of journaling, you enter a cognitive function. Writing is cognitive process of the Neo-Cortex. Meaning you are no longer in the Limbic brain and that makes all the difference.

It’s like shifting the gears of your car. When you’re in first gear, you’re not in second. And so on.

You see, the Neo-Cortex is where you think, have the ability to rationalize, analyze and be creative.

About how does that help you? You have removed your focus on emotion, therefore lessoning the focus within the emotional limbic brain.

By giving the Neo-cortex a simple action, you have changed the brains.

How? First by identifying the emotion you are feeling. Secondly, writing the identified emotion into your journal. Writing, spelling and organizing our thoughts all require the neo-cortex to process. Thus our emotions lesson, because we are not in a limbic brain process.

How? Imagine a brain to be like a room in your house. When you are in the room, a light is on. When you leave that room, you turn off the light. Entering a different room, you turn on that light.

When the light is on, that is the brain in use.

How can we even understand ourselves at a deeper level?

Identifying not only why; but when; we feel a certain way. When have you felt this way in the past? Are your current feelings related to an old memory, an old event?

If the emotion was the same as an old event, the memory was triggered. When this happens, that emotion is brought forward in your mind. Like taking a book off the book shelf and looking at it. Even though the event can be different, it is your emotion that was the same or similar in some way.

How can you recognize this? Your reaction was swift.

And how can we stop this from happening? Awareness is a beginning of letting the emotion go. By first bringing the emotion forward, it becomes malleable. This is where the deep thinking process begins.

I can take you there, but if you’re still not ready…. Begin to journal. It is a happiness builder. Happiness tip 1: is journaling.

Sacred Messengers could save your life

If Sacred messengers could save your life. It may be good to know exactly what a sacred messenger is!

What is the Sacred messenger? Always unique just like you! It could be considered your life line. Your own unique wellness language!

In simple terms. It is the mental emotional or physical symptom. One we often don’t want to pay attention to. It could be the symptom masked or made invisible. By a drug. So that we don’t have to feel its’ uncomfortable expression. A Sacred Messenger is the  “lost language” of our “selves.

What is our mind/body lost language? The body provides us personalized mental, emotional and physical signs. Feelings, sensations and unease. All signals for us to pay attention to. Or in some cases, warnings that we are unbalanced or seriously unwell. ….I call them the sacred messengers.

Example: It could be repetitive thoughts. Or feelings of irritation. Being short tempered. Anxiety in the pit of your stomach.  Or that nagging feeling of anxiousness. Sleepless when stressed. These are only a few examples.  Symptoms meant to bring our attention towards our inner dis-ease.

Example: Getting sick often. Our system is telling us something. Maybe that we are depleted. Possibly we need to rest. An opportunity to de-stress or eat better. To be kinder to ourselves.

Classic Example: You go to the Doctor. With a bunch of symptoms. You’ve been experiencing sleeplessness. And your joints ache. Feel kinda sluggish. And you have noticed that your thinking has become unclear. An old habit of procrastinating has returned. Exercise no longer matters. And you recognize you’re not eating as healthy. You feel intuitively that something is wrong.

So you ask the famous question. Doctor please tell me what’s wrong. And yet all the tests provide no clue. You’re in perfect health your Doctor declares!

So you return home. And continue to feel unwell. A few months later. When you return to your Doctor. You’re quickly sent off to a specialist. Just to be sure. Whew, you think. Now I’ll know why I am feeling this way. However all the tests return. Again reaffirming you’re in perfect health. But are you? You don;t feel well. Or… is it just that the symptoms are not to the stage where a diagnosis can be made.

So what is wrong? Maybe nothing. Or maybe, just maybe something is seriously wrong. But please investigate further. Be your best advocate. And consider a holistic route that can use these symptoms; to re-balance the system.   

Why can’t we be diagnosed? Western medicine requires a syndrome (3 symptoms commonly identified to a certain condition). You then become dangerously “labelled”. With a “dis”-ease. But until the syndrome is identified, there can be no diagnosis.

Eastern or Holistic Medicine utilizes signs and symptoms; sacred messengers” and provide a natural solution for the prescription.

Body messengers verses Mind messengers:

Why it is important to learn the lost art of body language?

  1. It is your personalized message. Your immune system is telling you something important
  2. You need to learn the language and how to understand it, feel it and articulate what the symptom is.

Why is it important? Because 54% of women who died of heart disease. They never knew anything was wrong. 67% never mentioned any symptoms to their doctors. But the facts are that Heart disease kills more men and woman than any other cause. Cancer is 2nd at 22%.

FYI: The messengers mean something! Do not ignore them. Learn to listen and acknowledge them. Body whispers could save your life!

WHY? Because people don’t wake up on Tuesday with Heart disease or Cancer. …… Signs and symptoms have existed long before pathology presents itself.

What if we considered sacred messengers as one of your body’s defense mechanisms? Could we then interrupt onset of illness? Science says so. So now we know. We have a chance to listen, learn and impact our well-being. If we don’t suppress its message.

If we consider that messengers bridge the physical, mental & emotional well-being, How could your health and well-being benefit from this knowledge?

Dr. Lissa Rankin: first a physician and later a researcher, keyed the term “body whispers”. As signs and symptoms that we are ignoring: fatigue, anxiety, sleeplessness, aches & pains, H.B.P. and cholesterol and more.

As a physician, she heard many stories. Similar to what I described earlier. And she couldn’t find the solutions. For her patients. She wanted to understand why. Why her patients were not getting well. Kept returning year after year. With the same or progressing conditions.

Dr. Rankin goes on to quote. Studies from Yale, Harvard and articles written in the New England Journal of medicine that state:

Health is holistic; health is the “holistic truth” of you. If you find your truth. You will then find your wellness.

She goes on to challenge each of us. To pay attention.

Why don’t we know about the whispers? It’s like a blind spot. We have not been taught how to listen. So we are unaware of that we are being messaged.

Particularly, in the western hemisphere. We are not taught. About the holistic nature of our selves. So now, we need to recognize and re-train ourselves. To listen to the body whispers.

How do we ignore or suppress Whispers?

  • By medicating, numbing with drugs or alcohol, tobacco, opiates and food.
  • Fears, vulnerability, rejection and shame all keep us from mentioning whispers.
  • Low self-esteem, body image, feeling not good enough and feeling alone all contribute to silencing the whispers.
  • There are so many ways to compensate and disconnect and ignore. But now you know the importance! It could cost us our lives…

How do I start to help myself today?

Begin to tune in…

  • Reconnected to your body to the truth of who you are.
  • Quiet the mind, listen to the signals
    • Consider them assets rather than pesky
    • Be grateful for the whispers as they could save your life
      • Some people choose Yoga, Meditation, writing or journaling. Find your passion, if it quiets the mind you will hear the body whisper.
      • Gentle exercise offers quiet time and reflection
    • Consider a healthy diet and exercise to see if the symptoms change?
    • Keep a record of what worked and what had no effect
      • Remember that dietary changes can take as much as 4 months
    • Avoid things that inhibit your ability to listen.
      • Numbing agents like drugs & alcohol, addictive foods, nicotine, sugar, poor eating habits.
      • Honor your body. It is your temple.


How do I then articulate a well-rounded symptom to a holistic practitioner?

A well rounded symptom is like a three legged stool: It is like navigation, three points of reference.

  1. Sensation
    1. Type of pain
      1. Swelling
      2. Heat
      3. Intensity
  1. Location
    1. Where on the body
  2. Modality
    1. Where does it extend to
    2. What other symptoms happen at the same time
    3. Is it always on one side of the body, left or right?
    4. Is there a cycle to it
      1. Appears one a week, one a month, every spring…
      2. Arrives with intensity
      3. Come quickly and leave quickly
      4. Show up slowly and leave quickly
      5. Begins slowly and leave slowly
      6. Is located in more than one location
      7. Are there things that makes the symptom worse
      8. Or what makes the symptom feel better

What are immediate ways you can help yourself?
Schedule down-time for yourself

  1. Find things you enjoy such as music, fitness or meditation. Find new possibilities.
  2. Nourishing your mind and spirit stimulates new intentions, hopefulness and expands creativity and dreams.
  3. Learn to do the things you love. By doing things that you love, you learn to be kind to yourself, to love yourself and that improves well-being.
  4. Communicate your needs, be honest.
  5. Fact is women who take care of themselves are happier and healthier. They tend to have healthier happier families, so take care of your needs first; it’s a win/win.
    1. Don’t neglect yourself! The way we treat ourselves will be the standard of how others will treat us!


The way we treat OURSELVES, will be the standard of how others will treat us………


  1. Honor self-love. It is the “perfect pill” choice! Love, gratitude and pleasure are the glue that holds it all together.


Who can help?

  • Psychologists listen without medical intervention, gives guidelines that assist and encourage you to work through psychologically.
  • Naturopaths listen, provide natural support for the body
  • Chinese Medical Doctors listens, with natural intervention
  • Homeopaths Listen for the mind body messengers, apply natural intervention
  • Priests listen
  • Mentors listen but may not have the medical knowledge
  • Coaches listen in the advice free zone and through curious questions allow you to find your inner wisdom
  • Adele is your life-coach with a holistic medical background. A licensed Homeopath of 17 years, Master Nero-linguistic Programmer, Hypnotist and a master of mind body linguistics. This unique skill set has evolved over 25 years into mastering the language of Sacred Messengers, providing insight into health and well-being as well as what may be holding back your happiness and brilliance. Holistic prescriptions are based on individualized analysis.

The Happiness Equation author shares his formula for how to be happy

The author of the best-selling book The Happiness Equation wasn’t always as cheerful as he is now.

Neil Pasricha started his daily blog, 1000 Awesome Things, as a form of therapy after going through a painful divorce and having his close friend kill himself. Continue reading The Happiness Equation author shares his formula for how to be happy